What is better not offer to Loroi

Discussion regarding the Outsider webcomic, science, technology and science fiction.

Moderator: Outsider Moderators

User avatar
dragoongfa
Posts: 1920
Joined: Mon Jan 26, 2015 9:26 pm
Location: Athens, Greece

Re: What is better not offer to Loroi

Post by dragoongfa »

Ok, ok, brainfart of epic jackassery incoming:

Humans are Soia-Liron descendants, in particular descendants of a hippie like subgroup that was all about nature, organic food and returning to the species roots. The hippies found a remote planet a little off the distance, settled there, somehow severed their telepathic talents and in a hippie like fashion destroyed their ships forgetting everything about their past.

However the Soia's were nothing like the hippies, they were beings of total jackassery and jerkdom, fucking up everything that they could get their hands on. One day, in a moment of pure, unadulterated jackassery a group of males created a company with it's sole purpose being the creation of the perfect harem since their women were at least as big of jerks as ours are. So what did they do?

The created a race of perfect females, with only a handful of beta like males around so their superior Soia manliness wouldn't be threatened. They would mature quickly, eat little food, remain in pristine condition for centuries, there would be no risk of them getting pregnant and best of all they wouldn't have to deal with the red time of the month!

The new product was an unimaginable success, billions of Soia men had preordered dozens of the (Large Onaholian Remotely Operated Intelligences - L.O.R.O.I.) and in a few years half of the Soia males had shunned their women in favor of their Loroi harems. The Loroi were perfect for their role, with minor telepathic skills they could quickly and surely know exactly what to do in order to please their harem master. Niche market products also emerged, intelligent and all remembering Loroi were perfect for the philosophically inclined and forgetful introverted type and of course the Telekinetic Loroi who although weak when compared to the average Soian were able to perfectly emulate all of the Soian female... capabilities in certain... intimate moments. As for the weird ones, the ones who got off with pain and suffering, the Loroi could also be programmed with combat capabilities, the small harem battles that started being only a prelude to the huge harem wars that would erupt in the future.

The Soian females were of course, angry about this prospect and their attempts to retaliate with their own male harem product were met with failure, since even they didn't know what the perfect Soain male should be like. Met with an ever decreasing interest by the Soian males the females decided to fuck everything up and destroy the artificial reproduction technologies before severing their telepathic capabilities (feeling the neverending... humping between the Soian males and their harems was nerve wrecking to the sexually starved females), before going to meet with the hippies on that far away planet.

The males said good riddance thinking that since they lived for millenia (tech assisted longevity) they would be more than able to recreate the artificial reproduction capabilities the females destroyed. Due to the attention they gave to their harems however, they forgot all about that. As the males died out one by one, the huge harem wars begun, battles of immense magnitude that would decide which surviving male would take which harem of the deceased males. Soon there was only one male, with a harem of millions and when he died the Loroi were free of all telepathic control. The Harem Wars had left everything in ruin and thus the Loroi had to create technology from the bottom up.

The hippies on Earth however didn't fare much better, the arrival of so many sexually starved women destroyed the delicate balance that the hippies had created and thus the great splintering of the hippies started, with each splintered subgroup settling in a different part of the planet. These groups soon warred on one and other and all of their history was soon forgotten. Especially the part that their telepathic blinding can be reversed if a human gets hold of an innocuous and seemingly defunct Soian artifact.

Millennia later, a Human male named Alex Jardin touches such an artifact during his visit at Seren, the Universe would never be the same...

User avatar
bunnyboy
Posts: 543
Joined: Sat Mar 05, 2011 9:21 pm
Location: Finland

Re: What is better not offer to Loroi

Post by bunnyboy »

dragoongfa wrote:The new product was an unimaginable success, billions of Soia men had preordered dozens of the (Large Onaholian Remotely Operated Intelligences - L.O.R.O.I.)
:lol:
dragoongfa wrote:The Soian females were of course, angry about this prospect and their attempts to retaliate with their own male harem product...
BarSam.
Supporter of forum RPG

Turrosh Mak
Posts: 126
Joined: Fri Mar 16, 2012 5:14 pm

Re: What is better not offer to Loroi

Post by Turrosh Mak »

dragoongfa wrote:(Large Onaholian Remotely Operated Intelligences - L.O.R.O.I.)
I had no idea what an onahole might be so I did a google search and clicked the first result. Oh god, now I'm going to get ads for THAT every time I log into amazon. Thanks, buddy X(

User avatar
Hālian
Posts: 766
Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2011 4:28 am
Location: Central Florida
Contact:

Re: What is better not offer to Loroi

Post by Hālian »

:lol: This better be canon, Jim.
Image
Don't delay, join today!

Voitan
Posts: 214
Joined: Wed Apr 06, 2011 3:04 am

Re: What is better not offer to Loroi

Post by Voitan »

dragoongfa wrote:The new product was an unimaginable success, billions of Soia men had preordered dozens of the (Large Onaholian Remotely Operated Intelligences - L.O.R.O.I.)
My fucking sides are in orbit.

Zakharra
Posts: 165
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2011 3:46 am

Re: What is better not offer to Loroi

Post by Zakharra »

How does that explain the Loroi men though?

User avatar
bunnyboy
Posts: 543
Joined: Sat Mar 05, 2011 9:21 pm
Location: Finland

Re: What is better not offer to Loroi

Post by bunnyboy »

Zakharra wrote:How does that explain the Loroi men though?
1. Cheaper to product when they multiply themselves.
2. Some Soia men are catholics. (dont kill me)
Supporter of forum RPG

User avatar
dragoongfa
Posts: 1920
Joined: Mon Jan 26, 2015 9:26 pm
Location: Athens, Greece

Re: What is better not offer to Loroi

Post by dragoongfa »

Zakharra wrote:How does that explain the Loroi men though?
The Soian genetic engineers behind the L.O.R.O.I. were flabbergasted by the billions of pre-orders and soon realized that vat growing so many Loroi would take too much time and be barely profitable. By making the Loroi able to reproduce they were able to both fulfill the initial demand and find a stream of continuous income by implementing a fee every time a client's female gave birth. The genetic engineers also made sure to keep the rare Loroi males small and beta like so the Soian men wouldn't feel threatened. This combined with the ability to have numerous mothers and daughters in their harems was deemed acceptable by the entirety of their clientele. EDIT: Also certain people not interested in Loroi females found the petite Loroi males 'cute'.

In short: Soia jackassery
Turrosh Mak wrote:
dragoongfa wrote:(Large Onaholian Remotely Operated Intelligences - L.O.R.O.I.)
I had no idea what an onahole might be so I did a google search and clicked the first result. Oh god, now I'm going to get ads for THAT every time I log into amazon. Thanks, buddy X(

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lt4329_W_s0

TrashMan
Posts: 306
Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2011 2:01 pm

Re: What is better not offer to Loroi

Post by TrashMan »

Grayhome wrote: The Loroi are augmented to breed faster, work for longer periods of time, and be cheaper to maintain (lower food/water/air/medical requirements). Those are labor drone augmentations.

Combat drone augmentation would be small-arms proof skin, sub dermal armor, reinforced skeletal structure, reinforced musculature, regeneration, vacuum proof skin (most combat takes place in space), no need to breathe, eat, sleep, drink but once a year, if not longer.
That sounds familiar.
Image

Makes me wonder how the Loroi would react if they were to meet the Emperors finest.

User avatar
dragoongfa
Posts: 1920
Joined: Mon Jan 26, 2015 9:26 pm
Location: Athens, Greece

Re: What is better not offer to Loroi

Post by dragoongfa »

StillStorm would certainly consider them warriors with their armor and size but the Loroi in general would think that since they are not telepathic that the Teidar and the Mizol would be able to handle them (even with serious loses), that is until they run into the Librarians, (or Psyker heavy chapters), that's when they would admit that they are fucked. That's before the Loroi realize that Battle Barges are not only huge ships with huge guns but they also have Exterminatus capabilities.

Considering everything in W40K, if the Loroi run into anyone from W40K they would be fucked and some would make them pray for death to whatever deity the Loroi pray to.

Orks are by far the perfect bio engineered warrior race. Subconciously telepathic, thinking only for war and destruction, any Loroi that would run into a WAAAAGH would turn insane by the sheer telepathic strength of the Orks whose crude technologies work only because the Orks think that they should. Then there is how the Orks reproduce, they would never be able to cope with that.

Eldar are telepathic monsters when compared with the Loroi, remember that their sheer jackassery created a Chaos god from their psychic emanations. The Eldar have far better technology, can hide their psychic presence and their warrior castes go through training that would put the Loroi in shame. Also REAL Farseers that can actually look into the future.

The Dark Eldar? Hell any Loroi that would run into them should commit suicide there and there. The amount of torture, rape and worse that a Loroi prisoner would be subjected to, would be multiplied a hundred fold since the Loroi can't actually shut down their telepathic gifts, not being able to stop the screams from getting into their heads. The Dark Eldar would have a field day torturing the entire Loroi race via telepathy.

Chaos on the other hand, if Chaos of the W40k lore existed the Loroi would have gone extinct long ago since chaos demons are attracted to Psykers and reason the Age of Strife happened is because psykers started appearing in human populations bringing Chaos with them.

Necrons? An ancient machine race that fought against a psychic heavy race and made them extinct? Do I need to even mention their tech level?

Tyranids? The Loroi would run insane just by the Shadow of the Warp before being nommed by the trillions of nids that a splinter fleet has at its disposal.

Maybe the Loroi could stand a chance against the Tau but then again the Tau are truly invisible to telepaths and they have a tech level that should be a couple of levels above the Loroi.

In short, whoever from the Grim Darkness of the future run into the Loroi, the Loroi would be fucked.

User avatar
RedDwarfIV
Posts: 398
Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2014 12:22 am

Re: What is better not offer to Loroi

Post by RedDwarfIV »

...

You're aware, I hope, that Loroi spacecraft are propelled by an analogue of antimatter. Terran Imperium spacecraft are propelled by hydrogen peroxide. They use chemical propulsion. That means good acceleration, but pathetic endurance.

WH40K FTL technology relies on either warpspace (liberate tutemet ex inferis) and a portal network that is not available to everyone. The Loroi use a form of trans-stellar jump drive which, so long as you have decent survey maps, is safe and reliable.

Loroi spacecraft use turrets. Terran Imperium warships use fixed broadsides.

The Loroi have active research and development. The Terran Imperium most certainly does not.

Orks reproduce by bursting into a cloud of spores. How do you combat that? Oh I don't know, by dropping massive rocks on them from orbit? Failing that, I'm fairly certain that using their R&D, the Loroi could do any number of things with chemical or biological weapons that could either wipe the Orks out wholesale or render them sterile.

The Eldar created a chaos God by there being an entire plane of existence that likes to mould itself to what people are thinking. They didn't do it by force of will.

The Dark Eldar? Just don't get close to them.

It should also be noted that it is possible to close of the Warp from realspace entirely. The Terran Imperium wouldn't want to do it because then the empire would fall apart, despite the massive increase in standards of living everywhere it would cause.

The Tyranids' Shadow Of The Warp works by cutting off telepaths' connection to the Warp. Loroi telepathy does not need such a connection. As for numbers, well, if you can hold the orbitals then that's no issue.



The only ones I agree with you on are the Necrons and Tau. Then again, the Necrons have no FTL capability. The Tau at least do have R&D. They progress pretty quickly, in fact. That alone makes them an order of magnitude more dangerous than the Imperium.
If every cloud had a silver lining, there would be a lot more plane crashes.

User avatar
bunnyboy
Posts: 543
Joined: Sat Mar 05, 2011 9:21 pm
Location: Finland

Re: What is better not offer to Loroi

Post by bunnyboy »

RedDwarfIV wrote:Loroi spacecraft use turrets. Terran Imperium warships use fixed broadsides.
The sidecannons of Imperium warships have same firing angle as any turret placed on kilometer long and hundreds meters wide side of warship.
Otherwise you have to shoot through your own hull and armaments.
Supporter of forum RPG

User avatar
RedDwarfIV
Posts: 398
Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2014 12:22 am

Re: What is better not offer to Loroi

Post by RedDwarfIV »

bunnyboy wrote:
RedDwarfIV wrote:Loroi spacecraft use turrets. Terran Imperium warships use fixed broadsides.
The sidecannons of Imperium warships have same firing angle as any turret placed on kilometer long and hundreds meters wide side of warship.
Otherwise you have to shoot through your own hull and armaments.
All right.

But nevertheless, it's a very Space Is An Ocean way of doing it. Since space... isn't an ocean, that sort of thing can make a spacecraft much less effective than one designed with reality in mind.
If every cloud had a silver lining, there would be a lot more plane crashes.

User avatar
dragoongfa
Posts: 1920
Joined: Mon Jan 26, 2015 9:26 pm
Location: Athens, Greece

Re: What is better not offer to Loroi

Post by dragoongfa »

RedDwarfIV wrote:...

You're aware, I hope, that Loroi spacecraft are propelled by an analogue of antimatter. Terran Imperium spacecraft are propelled by hydrogen peroxide. They use chemical propulsion. That means good acceleration, but pathetic endurance.
It's called Prometheum you heretic and imperium ships have piss poor acceleration, worse than TCA even but they make up for it in size.
WH40K FTL technology relies on either warpspace (liberate tutemet ex inferis) and a portal network that is not available to everyone. The Loroi use a form of trans-stellar jump drive which, so long as you have decent survey maps, is safe and reliable.
Unless a Warpstorm takes place, messing up the reality of space time.
Loroi spacecraft use turrets. Terran Imperium warships use fixed broadsides.
You are thinking of Nova cannons, the Imperium ships also have turrets for whatever comes close.
The Loroi have active research and development. The Terran Imperium most certainly does not.
For good reason, the age of strife saw countless of AIs going berserk, mainly due to Chaos interference, the humans won but the weaker fragments that remain still have to be placated in order to allow machinery to work, thus the Machine Spirit mentality of of Adeptus mechanicus. Any new technology that is created has to pass 'machine spirit' approval, which never happens because the machine spirits are assholes. In fact I am surprised that the 'machine spirits' haven't fucked up Tau tech just for laughs.
Orks reproduce by bursting into a cloud of spores. How do you combat that? Oh I don't know, by dropping massive rocks on them from orbit? Failing that, I'm fairly certain that using their R&D, the Loroi could do any number of things with chemical or biological weapons that could either wipe the Orks out wholesale or render them sterile.
The Orks are immune to bio warfare, they are walking fungus able to adapt at anything that is thrown at them. If this wasn't the case the prefall Eldar, humanity of the Dark age of technology, Nurgle worshipers and the Purge Chaos space marine chapter would have done so millennia ago. Also the Orks would survive anything less that full destruction of the Atmosphere while they also have some very shooty warships.
The Eldar created a chaos God by there being an entire plane of existence that likes to mould itself to what people are thinking. They didn't do it by force of will.
They did it by accident that's the level of Jackassery they are capable of.
The Dark Eldar? Just don't get close to them.
They have cloaks that would make the Romulans envious.
It should also be noted that it is possible to close of the Warp from realspace entirely. The Terran Imperium wouldn't want to do it because then the empire would fall apart, despite the massive increase in standards of living everywhere it would cause.
It's impossible to cut off the Warp, the Necrons tried it with the huge crystals found at the Cadian Gate and elsewhere but they only contain warpstorms, they don't contain what powers the warp.
The Tyranids' Shadow Of The Warp works by cutting off telepaths' connection to the Warp. Loroi telepathy does not need such a connection. As for numbers, well, if you can hold the orbitals then that's no issue.
The Bioships have weapons as well and there are millions of them on each fleet. Also the way Loroi Telepathy and Telekinesis works is similar to how the Warp does, i.e. they draw power for 'somewhere else'
The only ones I agree with you on are the Necrons and Tau. Then again, the Necrons have no FTL capability. The Tau at least do have R&D. They progress pretty quickly, in fact. That alone makes them an order of magnitude more dangerous than the Imperium.
The Necrons have FTL in the form of the Inertialess Drive, it's slower than a Warp Drive but combined with the teleportation network that they can put in place wherever they go they are very dangerous.

The Tau are an artificial race as well and it's more than probable that their tech was given to them by their creators, whoever they are.

JQBogus
Posts: 157
Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:42 pm

Re: What is better not offer to Loroi

Post by JQBogus »

Care to try Star Wars vs Star Trek next?

User avatar
dragoongfa
Posts: 1920
Joined: Mon Jan 26, 2015 9:26 pm
Location: Athens, Greece

Re: What is better not offer to Loroi

Post by dragoongfa »

JQBogus wrote:Care to try Star Wars vs Star Trek next?
Hmm...

Nope, I need my Sanity and I only jerkpost for W40K :mrgreen:

User avatar
Cy83r
Posts: 114
Joined: Mon Jun 27, 2011 9:29 pm

Re: What is better not offer to Loroi

Post by Cy83r »

I'll take it.

Star Wars: WMD-class Turbolasers; galactic hyperdrive; robots do everything important while politicians faf about
Star Trek: scanners and replicators with raw materials and energy-on-hand as the only limitation; warp-speed combat maneuvers

Star Trek wins after a few months analysing the scans they took on an alcubierre drive-by of the local Imperial fleet and building/replicating a replicator/reactor complex large enough to prefabricate sections of one of any of the super star destroyers- y'know, after they retrofit their warp drive to make hyperspace jumps by ejecting one of several disposable warp cores installed just to power each jump- robots are granted federation citizenship so long as they limit themselves to human-sized chassis and intellects- everyone learns a valuable lesson about peace, acceptance, and how nobody likes Wesley Crusher.

User avatar
bunnyboy
Posts: 543
Joined: Sat Mar 05, 2011 9:21 pm
Location: Finland

Re: What is better not offer to Loroi

Post by bunnyboy »

This is the the only and true history between Star Wars and Star Trek: http://www.stardestroyer.net/Empire/Fan ... index.html
Supporter of forum RPG

User avatar
icekatze
Posts: 1399
Joined: Sat Mar 05, 2011 8:35 pm
Location: Middle of Nowhere
Contact:

Re: What is better not offer to Loroi

Post by icekatze »

hi hi

The nice thing about science is that it represents a common ground that anything can be compared against. Trying to compare magic on the other hand, leaves you with no real common ground. As much as I enjoyed that game of Rogue Trader I was in, the Warhammer 40k universe is incredibly silly. As far as I can tell, it is supposed to be silly, as it is satirizing the Margret Thatcher era conservatism.

User avatar
RedDwarfIV
Posts: 398
Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2014 12:22 am

Re: What is better not offer to Loroi

Post by RedDwarfIV »

Cy83r wrote:I'll take it.

Star Wars: WMD-class Turbolasers
And yet, all those things do when they actually hit a spacecraft is make a single room blow up.

Given how people use the fact that one blew up an asteroid as proof that turbolasers are so incredibly powerful, I'm rather inclined to say "well it must have been a damned small asteroid, cause turbolasers are piss-poor at doing damage to anything else."

Photon torpedoes, meanwhile, consistently destroy spacecraft of a similar or slightly larger size than Enterprise if they can hit. The Borg cube was just extremely big, and I'm pretty sure a Star Destroyer doesn't have the same self-repair capability and they definitely aren't decentralised.
If every cloud had a silver lining, there would be a lot more plane crashes.

Post Reply