What kind of cake did Alex get you for your birthday, Fireblade?
Cake? He gave me a box with things called "crayons" that had 26 candles on top and said "enjoy, marine".
Outsider humor thread
Moderator: Outsider Moderators
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G. Janssen
- Posts: 252
- Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2022 9:46 pm
Re: Outsider humor thread
A Barsam, a Mannadi and a Nissek walk into a restaurant in Beijing, China and the Chinese inside begin to argue.
"Why are you arguing?" The Mannadi asks.
"We don't know which of you is food and which of you is a customer." The owner says.
Last edited by G. Janssen on Fri Sep 23, 2022 11:23 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Re: Outsider humor thread
Isn't it obvious? The least dragonlike and the one with the softest tissue is assigned for a platter.G. Janssen wrote: ↑Sun Jul 03, 2022 1:57 pm"We don't know which of you is food and which of you is a customer." The owner says.
Re: Outsider humor thread
How do you bribe a Soroin?
Offer her a copy of Playgirl.
Offer her a copy of Playgirl.
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sasaforestecho
- Posts: 4
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- Location: Earth
- Contact:
Re: Outsider humor thread
why did the umiak cross the steppes? to get to the other side
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G. Janssen
- Posts: 252
- Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2022 9:46 pm
Re: Outsider humor thread
Welcome to Earth. Part 1.
"Fireblade just asked what those tiny moving creatures on the ground are called." Tempo said.
"Those are ants. They're insects." Alex replied.
"They seem very organized. And there are so many." Tempo said.
"They are. There must be a large nest nearby, so there are at least a hundred thousand nearby." Alex replied. "Here. Let me show you what they look like when enlarged."
Alex took his pad, did an image search for ants on the internet and handed the pad to Tempo.
Tempo froze and her eyes grew wide. Noticing this, Fireblade took the pad.
---
That's a lot of fire trucks all of a sudden, Alex's mother said to Beryl as they exited a clothing shop. Something big must've happened just now.
"They're heading in the location where Alex and the others are. I hope that they're alright." Beryl said in near perfect English.
"I'm sure they are." Alex's mom said. "What could possibly happen when they're accompanied by an extremely powerful Teidar?"
"Fireblade just asked what those tiny moving creatures on the ground are called." Tempo said.
"Those are ants. They're insects." Alex replied.
"They seem very organized. And there are so many." Tempo said.
"They are. There must be a large nest nearby, so there are at least a hundred thousand nearby." Alex replied. "Here. Let me show you what they look like when enlarged."
Alex took his pad, did an image search for ants on the internet and handed the pad to Tempo.
Tempo froze and her eyes grew wide. Noticing this, Fireblade took the pad.
---
That's a lot of fire trucks all of a sudden, Alex's mother said to Beryl as they exited a clothing shop. Something big must've happened just now.
"They're heading in the location where Alex and the others are. I hope that they're alright." Beryl said in near perfect English.
"I'm sure they are." Alex's mom said. "What could possibly happen when they're accompanied by an extremely powerful Teidar?"
Last edited by G. Janssen on Sun Sep 25, 2022 10:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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G. Janssen
- Posts: 252
- Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2022 9:46 pm
Re: Outsider humor thread
Welcome to Earth. Part 2.
"Here is the museum as promised. Next we'll visit the local zoo." Alex said. "I'm sure that you will love it."
---
"This is Homo Neanderthalensis. A different Human species that went extinct 13,000 years ago." Alex explained. "And this is Homo Erectus. An ancestor. And this is Australopithecus Afarensis. An earlier ancestor."
"Humanity's ancestors?" Beryl asked.
"Ours and yours, Beryl. Remember, the similarity between the Barsam and Nibiren and now between the Loroi and Humans caused your own scientists to calculate that the odds of these resemblances being coincidental are ten trillion to one. So, meet your great-great-great-grandmother."
Beryl, Tempo and Fireblade stared at the lifesize model of the hairy creature with hollow eyes.
"Now let's go to the zoo, so you can meet your cousins." Alex said.
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"These are gorillas. They look very imposing, but are quite friendly. And over here are the chimpansees."
"And these are your closest living relatives?" Beryl asked.
"Our closest relatives, Beryl. The cousins of Humans and Loroi." Alex replied.
"What's it doing?" Tempo asked.
"It's pooping in its hand and flinging its excrement at people because it is frustrated." Alex said. "Oh dear, that old lady caught it right in the face."
"I refuse to believe that we are related to these creatures." Beryl said. "Their behavior is abhorrent. No sapient being does things like this."
"Perhaps we should visit a Walmart next." Alex replied.
"A what?" Tempo asked.
"Nevermind." Alex replied.
"Alex? Be honest. This is retribution for the way that we treated you right after we met, right?" Tempo asked.
"Oh, yes. But everything I said is still true. Ten trillion to one. One big happy fami.. Fireblade, duck! Oh dear, that's going to smell."
"Here is the museum as promised. Next we'll visit the local zoo." Alex said. "I'm sure that you will love it."
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"This is Homo Neanderthalensis. A different Human species that went extinct 13,000 years ago." Alex explained. "And this is Homo Erectus. An ancestor. And this is Australopithecus Afarensis. An earlier ancestor."
"Humanity's ancestors?" Beryl asked.
"Ours and yours, Beryl. Remember, the similarity between the Barsam and Nibiren and now between the Loroi and Humans caused your own scientists to calculate that the odds of these resemblances being coincidental are ten trillion to one. So, meet your great-great-great-grandmother."
Beryl, Tempo and Fireblade stared at the lifesize model of the hairy creature with hollow eyes.
"Now let's go to the zoo, so you can meet your cousins." Alex said.
---
"These are gorillas. They look very imposing, but are quite friendly. And over here are the chimpansees."
"And these are your closest living relatives?" Beryl asked.
"Our closest relatives, Beryl. The cousins of Humans and Loroi." Alex replied.
"What's it doing?" Tempo asked.
"It's pooping in its hand and flinging its excrement at people because it is frustrated." Alex said. "Oh dear, that old lady caught it right in the face."
"I refuse to believe that we are related to these creatures." Beryl said. "Their behavior is abhorrent. No sapient being does things like this."
"Perhaps we should visit a Walmart next." Alex replied.
"A what?" Tempo asked.
"Nevermind." Alex replied.
"Alex? Be honest. This is retribution for the way that we treated you right after we met, right?" Tempo asked.
"Oh, yes. But everything I said is still true. Ten trillion to one. One big happy fami.. Fireblade, duck! Oh dear, that's going to smell."
Re: Outsider humor thread
@G. Janssen
Dude that was awesome. It was at that moment, coming face to face with those glowing jaded eyes, that Gordy knew he fucked up.
Dude that was awesome. It was at that moment, coming face to face with those glowing jaded eyes, that Gordy knew he fucked up.
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G. Janssen
- Posts: 252
- Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2022 9:46 pm
Re: Outsider humor thread
***HNN BREAKING NEWS***
Member of first Loroi delegation on Earth explodes all twelve chimpanzees in Los Angeles zoo.
Ape body parts found 1.5 miles away.
Head of Loroi delegation issues official apology and a warning: "we Loroi are peace loving, but we don't take shit from anyone or anything".
Re: Outsider humor thread
G. Janssen wrote: ↑Mon Sep 26, 2022 10:50 am***HNN BREAKING NEWS***
Member of first Loroi delegation on Earth explodes all twelve chimpanzees in Los Angeles zoo.
Ape body parts found 1.5 miles away.
Head of Loroi delegation issues official apology and a warning: "we Loroi are peace loving, but we don't take shit from anyone or anything".
Be nice or we will kill you basically lol.
Re: Outsider humor thread
We bring peace by leaving you in pieces!Bamax wrote: ↑Sat Oct 01, 2022 2:33 amG. Janssen wrote: ↑Mon Sep 26, 2022 10:50 am***HNN BREAKING NEWS***
Member of first Loroi delegation on Earth explodes all twelve chimpanzees in Los Angeles zoo.
Ape body parts found 1.5 miles away.
Head of Loroi delegation issues official apology and a warning: "we Loroi are peace loving, but we don't take shit from anyone or anything".
Be nice or we will kill you basically lol.
Re: Outsider humor thread
Inspired by Al Bundy:
Alex: Oh, Fireblade... would it make you feel better if I said I respected you?
Fireblade: <silent>
Tempo: Fireblade directs me to inform you that she does not care either way.
Alex: <chuckles> Well that's a relief... 'cause the truth is I don't.
Alex: Oh, Fireblade... would it make you feel better if I said I respected you?
Fireblade: <silent>
Tempo: Fireblade directs me to inform you that she does not care either way.
Alex: <chuckles> Well that's a relief... 'cause the truth is I don't.
Re: Outsider humor thread
What do very opinionated loroi have to offer?
SpoilerShow
Piece of mind.
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G. Janssen
- Posts: 252
- Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2022 9:46 pm
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G. Janssen
- Posts: 252
- Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2022 9:46 pm
Re: Outsider humor thread
Comment often heard by humans who are being laid off: "Learn to code!"
Comment often heard by loroi who are being laid off: "Learn to style hair!"
Comment often heard by loroi who are being laid off: "Learn to style hair!"
Re: Outsider humor thread
Human: Penny for your thoughts?
Loroi: No.
Human: Why not?
Loroi: Thoughts are priceless.
Loroi: No.
Human: Why not?
Loroi: Thoughts are priceless.
Re: Outsider humor thread
Not much of a free thinker, eh?
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Keklas Rekobah
- Posts: 491
- Joined: Fri Jul 23, 2021 7:54 pm
Re: Outsider humor thread
Q: What do you call a written message from Fireblade to Alex?
SpoilerShow
A: Hate male.
“Qua is the sine qua non of sine qua non qua sine qua non.” -- Attributed to many
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Keklas Rekobah
- Posts: 491
- Joined: Fri Jul 23, 2021 7:54 pm
Re: Outsider humor thread
Q: What is Fireblade's favorite Terran fruit?
SpoilerShow
A: The man-go.
Last edited by Keklas Rekobah on Thu Mar 02, 2023 4:47 am, edited 1 time in total.
“Qua is the sine qua non of sine qua non qua sine qua non.” -- Attributed to many