Writing Prompts

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novius
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by novius »

New part is up. Just two warriors relaxing, and little more.

Though, there is a second scene that makes something that had been quite outrageous in "What to do with Jardin" completely explainable... And bears the potential for a lot of trouble down the road.

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dragoongfa
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by dragoongfa »

Sigh...

This will either go full tragedy or full crack fic, don't go the crack fic route.

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Werra
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by Werra »

Well, if you insist...
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I have already worked out several ways for this to turn into mind rape, honor duels, mental trebidation and the general crushing of the spirits of anyone involved.

I am not bluffing.

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dragoongfa
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by dragoongfa »

Sigh...

I guess it was a fun run so far...

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Werra
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by Werra »

Yes, feed me with your tears.
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Duskcrown or Sunfury could order Stillstorm and Tempo to deep probe Alex mind now that his Lotai is circumvented, since both Loroi sabotaged orders. Beryl/Brightshield could duel over their latest feud. Stillstorm could duel Sunfury/Duskcrown because she learns to respect Alex as member of her crew. Beryl could be mortally wounded when Tempest takes a hit, sanzaing her drawn out death straight to Alex, who is too untrained to shut out those impressions.

Aren't you excited to explore these concepts?
Edit:

Posted a small part to keep the story moving. Tried to keep any direction open.

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dragoongfa
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by dragoongfa »

Sunfury is dead in the canon, killed at the collapse of Semoset.

Have fun with the story, I am out.

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Werra
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by Werra »

Mate, I wasn't serious. We can take this anyway we like.

You are right about Sunfury. Who are the sector and fleet commanders of Tinza-Sector then?

novius
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by novius »

dragoongfa wrote:Sigh...

This will either go full tragedy or full crack fic, don't go the crack fic route.
Not intending to go the crack fic route, but I thought this to be a good piece to fill a 'hole' with WtdwJ. As I said - no hybrids in this story, and Alex will definitely never learn of this. He went into that in his future completely blind... :)

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Siber
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by Siber »

Not all fanfics need to be connected. I'd daresay most of the time they're better off standing alone.
Atomic Space Race, a hard sci-fi orbital mechanics puzzle game.
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entity2636
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by entity2636 »

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While Werra is right that the story thus far has been easy on the drama and challenges to the cast, I'm not sure it has to turn into Game of Thrones in Space where everything turns to shit for everybody and everybody dies horribly.

Duskcrown ordering Tempo to deep probe Alex - Alex is bound to protect Humanity by desroying the information obtained, resulting in the destruction of the Tempest, death for everybody and war between Humanity as Umiak allies and the Loroi.

Beryl and Brightshield dueling - impossible since Listels are non combatants and, unless Beryl is plain stupid and suicidal, will result in a dead Beryl before she can even blink. The most Beryl is capable of is a catfight with a doranzer or another listel. Now there's a thought, huh?

Stillstorm disobeying Duskcrown's orders and challenging her will most likely end in Stillstorm being declared a mutineer or traitor. Duskcrown shouldn't even bother getting her hands dirty, she can simply order the Tempest blown out of the sky and the whole fleet will obey.

Beryl killed during combat as the ship takes damage? Too soon? Although, the 51st and the Tempest in particular have shown to have too thick plot armor, I agree that they are overdue for a beating, some hull breaches, ruptured plasma conduits, fires on board and casualties.

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Werra
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by Werra »

I was facetious with most of that. They don't have to murder each other. Duels to the first blood or something could be thrilling as well.

It's not my intention to turn this story grimdark.
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Alex getting bullied by Razorthorn and having to work shit jobs to gain the begrudging recognition as a warrior from the Loroi is the level of drama I had in mind.
I can only throw out some plot lines and see where others take them. While I had fun writing the mind rape, I consciously posted it as a spoilered what-if.
entity2626 wrote:Alex is bound to protect Humanity by desroying the information obtained, resulting in the destruction of the Tempest, death for everybody and war between Humanity as Umiak allies and the Loroi.
How is that a logical consequence of Alex getting probed? He's all alone, surrounded by xenophobic and supremacist mind readers who have a no-neutrality policy in place. If they would do that to him, the rest of humanity will only hear from it when Loroi warships appear in earths orbit. If the Barsam and Historian were still part of this story, I'd see a way...but currently? The Loroi can do whatever they want with Alex, which is a very bleak situation to be in. I don't even see him being able to blow up Tempest. He could take one, maybe two Loroi and then what? As soon as he gets into a fistfight with one of them, the whole ship knows.
Ok, it's not realistic that the Loroi of Beacons would do a forceful mind probe on Alex. But, apart from their niceness, there is nothing stopping them.

Some trouble with admiralty would be suitable though both for Stillstorm and Alex. I am looking forward to what others make of it.
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Perhabs Alex realises that by linking his untrained mind with not one but two data gathering specialists, the Loroi don't need to mind probe him anymore.

novius
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by novius »

Duskcrown - or anyone - ordering Alex to be probed would be a disastrous move. On an immediate level, Alex already turned two out of two engagements from an impending disaster to some sort of success. That's a measurable improvement, and it stands to believe that he might continue that streak. One simply doesn't slaughter the goose laying golden eggs.

Second, Alex's existence and presence on the Tempest is already widely known. Many of the Loroi see him as a 'good luck charm', and even Stillstorm got some accord with him - after all, she did place him in an advisory role. This, plus the quasi-religious implication about the humans being their template species and him being a male, any move that would cause him harm would be highly unpopular.

And even if they manage to pull it off without causing serious fractions withing the ranks, there are still the other species of the Union to consider. Especially the Barsam wouldn't take it lightly, since, purporting Alex's own words, the Loroi would prove that they'd not above treating friends even worse than the Umiak would do.

If anyone issues such an order, I'd see only three outcomes.
  1. They pull it off and do a massive scale cover up, that would most likely include the scuttling of the Tempest, with all hands on board to avoid anyone blabbing, and declare her KIA, thus ending the story.
  2. They pull it off, but it leaks that something untoward has befallen Alex at the hands of the Loroi, thus causing serious infighting, down to the break in the Union, and they would fall one by one to the shells, thus ending the story.
  3. There's actually a mutiny on the Tempest - or the ship as a whole would go rogue -, and even if the mutineers manage to actually escape with Alex, the only place to turn to would be Earth, for the time being, and news of it would firmly set the humans against the Loroi. And even if they manage to down the Tempest on a backwater planet like the crew of the Bounty did with the Pitcairn isles, the ramifications of their actions would definitely hurt Loroi morale.
The only way I see how it wouldn't end in an epic FUBAR would be such an order would be never issued. Even just some higher-up countermanding such an order could start dissention in the ranks and Alex seriously reconsidering his stance on the Loroi at a whole, excluding the ones he knows personally.

It doesn't need to be niceness stopping them, but political acumen. Even if a Soroin or Torrai would be too short sighted or a Listel too curious for their own good, I'm sure there'd be a Mizol pointing out the ramifications of their choice of action.

novius
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by novius »

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entity2636 wrote:Beryl killed during combat as the ship takes damage? Too soon? Although, the 51st and the Tempest in particular have shown to have too thick plot armor, I agree that they are overdue for a beating, some hull breaches, ruptured plasma conduits, fires on board and casualties.
Killing the sympathetic youngling of the crew would likely kill the ratings. It's more probable that Talon or Spiral might not come back from a sortie rather than Beryl, who has by her own caste's field of duty a rather 'safe' job. She's neither on the front lines nor part of the active repair or medics crew. And, with her being a living data repository and cronicler, I'm sure most Loroi would put her survival high on the priority list as well.

And, sure, Alex's luck won't last forever. But, he needs to build some credit with the Loroi first before they'd overlook some misplaced advice, or it has to be some FUBAR up or down the command chain or false intel that made them misjudge the situation.

The problem is, they're as good as cut off from any support and constantly under fire. The only way to effect repairs would be under their own power, and especially after their past successes I'm pretty sure the shells aren't likely to give them a moment to lie low to patch up things. So, any battle damage that requires them to power down necessary systems, including defense, or worse, necessitates a stay in the drydock, would doom the Tempest.

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dragoongfa
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by dragoongfa »

There seems to be a disconnect between what people want in the story. I personally want to write a fun, relatively laid down to earth story; some romance, some feel good moments, some exploration of cultural differences, some drama and some tension as all stories should be.
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The connection with new frontiers and the classification of that first encounter was far fetched but can be made to work, even the whole attempt to create a human loroi hybrid drama could be made to work with an angle of loyalty and unrequited love towards Nathan by a now ancient and highly influential Loroi that used to be in the lost diral. Hell that Loroi could end up being either Greywind herself or a close friend/advisor of hers. Not all Mizol plots have to have dark undertones, paranoid secrecy yes but not necessarily darker than black stuff. Also no hybrids, it's practically impossible; someone desperate to make amends would order such research but it is practically impossible at that tech level, Beryl would be able to see it but not two Mizols.

The problem with the political drama is that it has to be smart; at this point in time Alex is practically immune from any attempts to treat him as a hostile agent, he is a recognized diplomat who has aided the war effort despite his initial treatment. Even if that wasn't enough four Loroi have gotten through his Lotai, one of them a Teidar who has vouched that his statements are true and has transferred the memories partaining to said statements to a Listel (not Beryl); one cannot simply order anything against him without just cause and without causing a massive scandal even before taking into account the delicate diplomatic balances.

I pictured that higher ups would disregard his input which would require some creative behind the scenes moves for his input to wield results when the Umiak do break through the line.

entity2636
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by entity2636 »

novius wrote:
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Killing the sympathetic youngling of the crew would likely kill the ratings. It's more probable that Talon or Spiral might not come back from a sortie rather than Beryl, who has by her own caste's field of duty a rather 'safe' job. She's neither on the front lines nor part of the active repair or medics crew. And, with her being a living data repository and cronicler, I'm sure most Loroi would put her survival high on the priority list as well.

And, sure, Alex's luck won't last forever. But, he needs to build some credit with the Loroi first before they'd overlook some misplaced advice, or it has to be some FUBAR up or down the command chain or false intel...
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Indeed, for Beryl to get hurt or die during combat the ship would have to take pretty much fatal damage, basically the bridge would have to be hit with shields down. That would mean a hole straight through the ship's spaceframe and the whole bridge crew dead. And I personally kind of don't want her kicking it.

She could get trapped somewhere and injured and Alex not being able to get her out on his own, e.g. her getting trapped in a corridor on the other side of a hull breach or something. This could be the result of an engagement not going according to Alex's plan or his plan being wrong due to poor intel. He'd blame himself a lot for this. Note that other than the Bellarmine incident and the here and now, Alex has not seen any combat and hasn't had people die around him, and certainly not as a result of his direct actions or lack thereof

novius
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by novius »

dragoongfa wrote:There seems to be a disconnect between what people want in the story. I personally want to write a fun, relatively laid down to earth story; some romance, some feel good moments, some exploration of cultural differences, some drama and some tension as all stories should be.
Same about here - I am okay with things tensing for some moments and picking up the pace when it comes to battle, but I wouldn't like to see it turning grimdark like seen in Warhammer.... though even there I've seen fanfics focusing on a beacon of light in that rather dark place.

Alex, by nature, is rather optimistical, and he usually shows some lighthearted nature, which did put him at odds with his superiors, too. This provides a refreshing contrast to the rathet stolid, dour and already somewhat battle-weary Loroi.

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dragoongfa
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by dragoongfa »

Working on the next Beacons part, there will be drama.

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Werra
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by Werra »

Looking forward to it.

This thread has been a good discussion. I'm happy about that.

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dragoongfa
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by dragoongfa »

There, drama and romance.

Jethreuel
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by Jethreuel »

I think it was said earlier that between the Teidar, the Mizol, and the Listel, that the Loroi may have already gotten all the info that the Loroi could possiblly want for, especially given how open he was at the beginning when the Lotai was finally circumvented, and when he allowed Beryl to sift through his mind to see what all was done.

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