[Fan Fiction] Looking forward to the Mirror (Completed)

[dragoongfa]

As the insider mentions, on low gravity worlds the Umiak are very nimble and quick which is the environment they evolved for anyway. In any case a natural exoskeleton is useful on many hazardous occupations, most manual labor accidents would be negligible if what took the brunt of the force was an exoskeleton that is stronger than bug chitin.

On the space era however, it starts being troublesome, worlds with stronger gravity become harder to colonize and since the majority of the habitable planets have a stronger gravity the Umiak are severely handicapped on their prospects. Which is probably a part of the reason as to their expansionist and enslavement policies, they may not be able to naturally colonize those worlds but the locals sure are able to fully exploit everything.

With some added cybernetic and biological modifications, a limited number of Umiak could also serve as some form of overseers early in their expansion. The key change in policies vis a vis their expansion probably happened when they became able to artificially reproduce (which what the numbers in their names probably are). Once they were able to grow themselves in a tank they opened themselves to a vast range of possibilities, now they could modify the artificial fetus from day 1 to have specific traits.

I imagine that for colonist they choose a mix of stronger muscles and somewhat lighter exoskeletons, cheap colonists for previously forbidding planets that can be pumped out at will. For Hard-troops, stronger muscles, strong immune system and the ability to accept a wide range of cybernetic enhancements, somewhat expensive but combined with what is essentially power armor they now have very formidable troops in large numbers.

With the above in mind the question becomes if the Umiak would pursue such technologies if they weren't constrained and limited by their exoskeletons? Such advances only happen when there is a very real need, so I imagine that their exoskeletons played a real part in how their technology developed.

The sky is the limit as far as the Umiak capabilities are in the way they are presented. Fortunately for everyone else, depending on the point of view, their war with the Loroi is a naval war where individual capabilities play little role when compared to superior tactics, technology and intelligence; categories in which the Loroi have some very distinct advantages.

[Zakharra]

Interesting. The device sounds very much like an organic device since its loyalty cannot be trusted and it can be subordinate. A computer would not be that. so it has to be organic. Very interesting indeed.

[endeavor]

Interesting. The device sounds very much like an organic device since its loyalty cannot be trusted and it can be subordinate. A computer would not be that. so it has to be organic. Very interesting indeed.

My wager is that it's a Loroi POW. Probably Farseer, maybe just some hard-lucked gal beefed up with gadgets handed over by some Historians.

[dragoongfa]

Interesting. The device sounds very much like an organic device since its loyalty cannot be trusted and it can be subordinate. A computer would not be that. so it has to be organic. Very interesting indeed.

My wager is that it's a Loroi POW. Probably Farseer, maybe just some hard-lucked gal beefed up with gadgets handed over by some Historians.

A Loroi prisoner of war would never cooperate with Umiaks on the level that the device does. I doubt that even if she was 'jacked in' Matrix style and pumped full of hallucinogenics that the Umiak would get much out of a Loroi POW.

Since I had already spoilered this at an other thread months ago take a SPOILER ALERT:

SpoilerShow

It's darker than this

[endeavor]

I doubt that even if she was 'jacked in' Matrix style and pumped full of hallucinogenics that the Umiak would get much out of a Loroi POW.

Actually my idea was of POW being jacked-in, maybe with some neuro-surgery. If it gets darker than that, it's pretty dark.

A Loroi prisoner of war would never cooperate with Umiaks on the level that the device does

Statements like "No X would do Y" are tricky. Between propaganda, torture and whatever other means of coercion are available in the setting, the outcome is not clear. However, it's your story and you get to tell it as you like

[dragoongfa]

Suffice to say that everything will be explained in the story.

[Argron]

Wasn't there an internal dialogue of the "instrument" a few chapters back, in the last umiak ship that got destroyed by the Loroi ship? it seemed to have no understanding of being a Loroi, just that he/she was a thing that was a living being but also an instrument, and wanted to be useful to it's master (umiak).

If so, 2 things: it is too compliant and ignorant of the world to be born Loroi, and it is too commonplace to be a farseer prisoner of war, since there should be a very limited supply of those in Umiak hands, being relatively rare.
I think it is a cloned farseer, mass produced and likely modified by Umiaks and Historians to improve its abilities, and maybe its obedience. I hope at least it's not a brain in a jar, I already didn't like the Umiak but if they do that their unlikeability will go through the roof.

[dragoongfa]

That was Chapter 2, part 3: http://www.well-of-souls.com/forums/vie ... 528#p18528

It's the same device, just two small jumps away.

[Krulle]

Wow, reading your story and the comments in between.
Dang, I need more time to read.... (I just finished reading chapter 3.)

(The following is just piping in to a very old part of this thread, now on reading the next sessions).
I just got to page 3 of this thread, and have a comment regarding the safety of hull plating or glass (discussion on page 2)....
While glass is problematic in the sealing between glass and hull, it is actually more stable against mirco-impacts than a hull.
There are documented incidents with the space shuttle where a micro-impact cratered the glass of the shuttle, and if it had hit the aluminium hull, it would have gone right through...
True, war ships don't have a thin aluminium hull, but glass is still astonishingly stable and useable in many things.
I can imagine that warships with their multilayer armuored hulls have a layer of glass in there too. It provides advantages when facing light-based weapons.

Also, regarding the big corridors of Loroi ships (page 2/3 of this thread): the Loroi space navy seems to be able to keep their ships in service for a rather long time. It makes sense to allow for more comfort than in ships where the expected service life is maybe two battles (like the Umiak ships seem to have). The cost of extra volume is low, and it also allows for more possibilities when a ship needs servicing and/or upgrading. The expensive stuff in warships are the electronics and the engines, and later the upkeep. The volume seldom is expensive (if the building docks are large enough), and also provides for a minor additional advantage: in combat situations, due to the large air volume, you can reduce the energy output to the life support, as there is sufficient air available and it does not need constant scrubbing. That way the energy of the life support system can be used for combat, and after combat such ships usually have plenty of power left to run the life support air scrubbing at a higher rate.
Also, the Loroi seem to like open spaces. For combat morale it would be bad pushing them all into claustrophobia before a battle begins.
Just some ideas for explaining the large corridors and voluminous bridge/combat stations.

And I agree in your observation that the Loroi seem to seek the comfortable war path.
They rely far too much on their farsense abilities.
Apparently they cannot think that something (biological) could be such that it does not get detected nor influenced by telepathy.
Building usual electronic/mechanic sensors seems to be something they do not want, not matter how basic the technology is and how easy to implement.
They apparently don't even use it as a fall-back system for when there is no farseer aboard.
Not even to warn against rubble which might impact the ship / small boarding ships / missiles on interception courses-

With their luck of the last few years they had apparently an easy time holding the Umiak in check, and admire the Umiak for their industrial prowess.
But then, I'd fight such a war rather dirty:
Build interstellar kinetic missiles which start somewhere far out in the Oort-cloud of an enemies system, and accelerate towards a base or planet in the inner system. By the time the kinetic missile gets detected (which is difficult, as the engine output is directed system-outward), the kinetic missile has a speed which is a respectable percentage of the speed of light. Putting a massive ship in between a planet and the missile might be the only thing that can absorb that much kinetic energy, and is much more expensive than the kinetic missile.
In a war that already runs for decennia, the time investment between firing such a kinetic missile and the impact is ridiculous short. And you can use it strategically, by timing the different impact in different systems accordingly, so that forces are drawn away, while you actually attack somewhere else.


But I have to say that I like this story very much so far, and am really looking forward to reading more.
And I silently hope that you do not insert stuff that Arioch's story invalidates later, so that your story does not go against "canon".

[dragoongfa]

Wow, reading your story and the comments in between.
Dang, I need more time to read.... (I just finished reading chapter 3.)

(The following is just piping in to a very old part of this thread, now on reading the next sessions).
I just got to page 3 of this thread, and have a comment regarding the safety of hull plating or glass (discussion on page 2)....
While glass is problematic in the sealing between glass and hull, it is actually more stable against mirco-impacts than a hull.
There are documented incidents with the space shuttle where a micro-impact cratered the glass of the shuttle, and if it had hit the aluminium hull, it would have gone right through...
True, war ships don't have a thin aluminium hull, but glass is still astonishingly stable and useable in many things.
I can imagine that warships with their multilayer armuored hulls have a layer of glass in there too. It provides advantages when facing light-based weapons.

Bear in mind that glass shares many properties with liquids, scientifically it is described as an amorphous solid. It is this property that allows glass materials to withstand certain kinds of abuse when also being more fragile than metals on other situations. It is expected that future spaceship materials will have such 'glassy' properties even if they will look nothing like glass. Generally speaking however it is far better to have a multi layered armor instead of panels made of just one kind of material (i.e. windows) no matter what that material is.

Also, regarding the big corridors of Loroi ships (page 2/3 of this thread): the Loroi space navy seems to be able to keep their ships in service for a rather long time. It makes sense to allow for more comfort than in ships where the expected service life is maybe two battles (like the Umiak ships seem to have). The cost of extra volume is low, and it also allows for more possibilities when a ship needs servicing and/or upgrading. The expensive stuff in warships are the electronics and the engines, and later the upkeep. The volume seldom is expensive (if the building docks are large enough), and also provides for a minor additional advantage: in combat situations, due to the large air volume, you can reduce the energy output to the life support, as there is sufficient air available and it does not need constant scrubbing. That way the energy of the life support system can be used for combat, and after combat such ships usually have plenty of power left to run the life support air scrubbing at a higher rate.
Also, the Loroi seem to like open spaces. For combat morale it would be bad pushing them all into claustrophobia before a battle begins.
Just some ideas for explaining the large corridors and voluminous bridge/combat stations.

The main problem is the Square-cube law.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Square-cube_law

When an object increases in size, its volume increase exponentially faster thus requiring a far greater amount of materials and man hours to create that object. In essence this means that the bigger corridors in Loroi warships put a very big drain of resources and man hours when producing said warships.

And I agree in your observation that the Loroi seem to seek the comfortable war path.
They rely far too much on their farsense abilities.
Apparently they cannot think that something (biological) could be such that it does not get detected nor influenced by telepathy.
Building usual electronic/mechanic sensors seems to be something they do not want, not matter how basic the technology is and how easy to implement.
They apparently don't even use it as a fall-back system for when there is no farseer aboard.
Not even to warn against rubble which might impact the ship / small boarding ships / missiles on interception courses-

The Loroi have to have standard electronic sensors, they wouldn't be able to fire their weapons without them , you are right however that they rely far too much on their far sense.

In essence their far sense is a double edge sword, it offers them a great advantage but once it goes out of the picture it becomes a huge handicap because the Loroi would have to reinvent their entire fighting doctrine. The handicap they have with a lack of farsense is more strategic and operational and far less tactical.

With their luck of the last few years they had apparently an easy time holding the Umiak in check, and admire the Umiak for their industrial prowess.
But then, I'd fight such a war rather dirty:
Build interstellar kinetic missiles which start somewhere far out in the Oort-cloud of an enemies system, and accelerate towards a base or planet in the inner system. By the time the kinetic missile gets detected (which is difficult, as the engine output is directed system-outward), the kinetic missile has a speed which is a respectable percentage of the speed of light. Putting a massive ship in between a planet and the missile might be the only thing that can absorb that much kinetic energy, and is much more expensive than the kinetic missile.
In a war that already runs for decennia, the time investment between firing such a kinetic missile and the impact is ridiculous short. And you can use it strategically, by timing the different impact in different systems accordingly, so that forces are drawn away, while you actually attack somewhere else.

The problem is that jumping inside a system (which is the only way to get to the Oort cloud) is easily observable due to the jump flash each ship sends when they get in and out of a system while firing such missiles in a Slower than Light way has many inherent problems that both combatants don't seem have the technology to circumvent.

But I have to say that I like this story very much so far, and am really looking forward to reading more.
And I silently hope that you do not insert stuff that Arioch's story invalidates later, so that your story does not go against "canon".

Unfortunately the reality of fan fiction is that sooner or later canon will bypass it , however I don't think that there is a reason to be fazed about it. I write this story for fun and as a practice run for my original fiction stories that I am currently working on. Its certainly bigger than I originally planned it to be but on the other side it is a perfect opportunity to test myself on a full novel size story.

[Krulle]

Just something I stumbled over:

“We are seeing the same picture you are seeing Private, unless their telepathy can also affect computers we have to conclude that they indeed look like that.” Private Jeremy Hood wasn’t really a private; he his rank was temporary only for the duration of this mission. His permanent rank was 2nd lieutenant; he had graduated from West Point military academy two years ago and immediately applied for TCA duty. He was one of the thousands of officers from all human nations that did so after the first contact with the Orgus refugees and the grim news of the approaching interstellar war that they brought with them.

[dragoongfa]

There should be more than a few typos around , remember that this is still the first draft, some rewriting, editing and proof reading is in order but I will do the bulk of it after I finish the story.

[Krulle]

Don't worry, I stumbled over it, that's all. I don't mind finding and seeing errors.
And if I know the author is around and can/is/may be interested in correcting the errors, I collect them and make the author aware of the ones I found.
It even earned me a corrected copy of a physical book once (I sent a letter to the publisher, and apparently I was just in time for a reprint, and they delayed the reprint order by one day to work in the errors I've spotted and they missed (again). As a thank you and answer to my letter I got a copy of the 3rd print to replace my "faulty 2nd print edition". I found that a nice and apreciated, but unnecessary, gesture.)

While glass is problematic in the sealing between glass and hull, it is actually more stable against mirco-impacts than a hull.
There are documented incidents with the space shuttle where a micro-impact cratered the glass of the shuttle, and if it had hit the aluminium hull, it would have gone right through...
True, war ships don't have a thin aluminium hull, but glass is still astonishingly stable and useable in many things.
I can imagine that warships with their multilayer armuored hulls have a layer of glass in there too. It provides advantages when facing light-based weapons.

Bear in mind that glass shares many properties with liquids, scientifically it is described as an amorphous solid. It is this property that allows glass materials to withstand certain kinds of abuse when also being more fragile than metals on other situations. It is expected that future spaceship materials will have such 'glassy' properties even if they will look nothing like glass. Generally speaking however it is far better to have a multi layered armor instead of panels made of just one kind of material (i.e. windows) no matter what that material is.

True. But then many plastics are amorphous solids too. (PMMA (plexiglas) is by nature a semi-crystaline plastic, but it cools so fast that it remains amorphous in most circumstances, and only due to this you can see through it.)

Just some ideas for explaining the large corridors and voluminous bridge/combat stations.

The main problem is the Square-cube law.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Square-cube_law

When an object increases in size, its volume increase exponentially faster thus requiring a far greater amount of materials and man hours to create that object. In essence this means that the bigger corridors in Loroi warships put a very big drain of resources and man hours when producing said warships.

True, but then we don't know how automated the smelters and plate manufacturing in Umiak and Loroi industries is. This may be less of a drain than we think. But the volume increase in square, the surface does not. A linear increase in length and wideness means a squared increase in volume. So the double volume does NOT need double surface and thus double plating.

It helps explain phenomena including why large mammals like elephants have a harder time cooling themselves than small ones like mice[.]

Ever wondered why big cars like vans does not cost triple of a Smart/Fiat 500? you simply do not need three engines. you need still one one, a bigger one, yes, but not triple the power. And you don't need triple the electronics, radios, metal, ....

And I agree in your observation that the Loroi seem to seek the comfortable war path.
They rely far too much on their farsense abilities.
Apparently they cannot think that something (biological) could be such that it does not get detected nor influenced by telepathy.
Building usual electronic/mechanic sensors seems to be something they do not want, not matter how basic the technology is and how easy to implement.
They apparently don't even use it as a fall-back system for when there is no farseer aboard.
Not even to warn against rubble which might impact the ship / small boarding ships / missiles on interception courses-

The Loroi have to have standard electronic sensors, they wouldn't be able to fire their weapons without them , you are right however that they rely far too much on their far sense.

In essence their far sense is a double edge sword, it offers them a great advantage but once it goes out of the picture it becomes a huge handicap because the Loroi would have to reinvent their entire fighting doctrine. The handicap they have with a lack of farsense is more strategic and operational and far less tactical.

and as chapter 4, part 1 pointed out: they simply don't switch their stuff on unless farsense tells them there is something to look/listen for.

The problem is that jumping inside a system (which is the only way to get to the Oort cloud) is easily observable due to the jump flash each ship sends when they get in and out of a system while firing such missiles in a Slower than Light way has many inherent problems that both combatants don't seem have the technology to circumvent.

You can send them for far further away.
Having a missile travel twenty years (from a system that is 4 lightyears away) is nothing in this conflict. And you have twenty years of luring your enemy into safety in the attacked systems (like letting them think their defence in that system is infallible, and then the very fast missile slams through). And they're cheap to build, and their kinetic energy alone makes a formidable damage.

I write this story for fun and as a practice run for my original fiction stories that I am currently working on. Its certainly bigger than I originally planned it to be but on the other side it is a perfect opportunity to test myself on a full novel size story.

Thank you for doing so and sharing with us.
If you ever get your "big" story to a final stage, please tell us here, I'll be waiting to order my copy (if your writing skills int he novel is anywhere near what I've read so far, it'll be a good read - but I read paper only). Your skills in imagination are shown by the joke you explain int this post ("get shorter and our shiny armour out"). And since I love imaginative SciFi, I'd want to read your novel.


Also saw you replied to me, and you ninja'ed me while I wrote this reply.

[dragoongfa]

Don't worry I appreciate the corrections

True. But then many plastics are amorphous solids too. (PMMA (plexiglas) is by nature a semi-crystaline plastic, but it cools so fast that it remains amorphous in most circumstances, and only due to this you can see through it.)

Which is why such materials see such widespread use even now, even in military applications.

True, but then we don't know how automated the smelters and plate manufacturing in Umiak and Loroi industries is. This may be less of a drain than we think. But the volume increase in square, the surface does not. A linear increase in length and wideness means a squared increase in volume. So the double volume does NOT need double surface and thus double plating.

It helps explain phenomena including why large mammals like elephants have a harder time cooling themselves than small ones like mice[.]

Ever wondered why big cars like vans does not cost triple of a Smart/Fiat 500? you simply do not need three engines. you need still one one, a bigger one, yes, but not triple the power. And you don't need triple the electronics, radios, metal, ....

Remember that these are space ships, not earth bound cars or objects. They need a lot of systems to maintain life support, extra armor to accommodate the extra size, extra propulsion and etc. Even if the increase is just 10% in materials and man hours needed (compared to a tightly packed ship) this 10% easily translates to 10 extra ships in every 100. If I was to make a guess exclusively from the interior of 'Tempest' the size increase due to the extra large interior is greater than 20% and probably closer to 30%, if this increase is 30% as I believe then we are talking about a 30% larger fleet which in a total war situation is a war winning difference.

and as chapter 4, part 1 pointed out: they simply don't switch their stuff on unless farsense tells them there is something to look/listen for.

Partially right, they were in maximum energy saving mode, trying to squeeze as much life support out of their energy reserves in the hopes of a Loroi rescue (who would have detected them with far sense if they were in nearby systems). In their mind anyone else who was in the system would either be a fool, a criminal or an Umiak. Humanity falls in the first category

Having a missile travel twenty years (from a system that is 4 lightyears away) is nothing in this conflict. And you have twenty years of luring your enemy into safety in the attacked systems (like letting them think their defence in that system is infallible, and then the very fast missile slams through). And they're cheap to build, and their kinetic energy alone makes a formidable damage.

4 light years is a very small jump, its for all intents and purposes next door to anything important enough to warrant such an attack and as thus both sides would go to extra lengths to secure such assets by expanding their defensive perimeter.

What you should be looking into is suicide fire ships with overcharged anti-matter reactors. In essence strap as much propulsion on a few frigates, put huge ass reactors and some automated systems in them then jump them right behind an attack fleet. The enemy would think that they are reinforcements and would only realize their true mission after they accelerated past them front lines and were on a collision course with either a planet or a space station.

If you ever get your "big" story to a final stage, please tell us here, I'll be waiting to order my copy (if your writing skills int he novel is anywhere near what I've read so far, it'll be a good read - but I read paper only).

Also saw you replied to me, and you ninja'ed me while I wrote this reply.

I ninja a lot sometimes

My first original story will be an mature fantasy one, imagine a mix of Harry Potter and Game of Thrones to get the basic idea down. I plan to self publish it as a series of cheap light novels through Amazon since the way the story progresses is better suited for such a format. When the time comes I will ask Arioch if I can ask for reviews here and how to advertise it on the site.

Amazon does print on demand and if it is successful enough I am looking for ways to have a limited hardcover run printed where three or four installments are put in one single book. But I am getting ahead of myself, best to finish the first installment before going big

[Krulle]

I'm not that big fan of "fantasy" (magic and mythological beings), I'm more into Sci-Fi. I know most love the whole Fantasy-genre, and not just the subset of SciFi / hard-SciFi.
I'm still looking forward to your books, though. (But I've never read or seen "Book of Thrones". What I heard and saw of it, including all the reviews which gave it an excellent mark, it simply is too ... actionoriented/bloody for me.)

“I see, then we shouldn’t be wasting any more time.” She replied and nodded to Sezon Razormist who squatted in front of the unconscious Loroi and slapped her hard. The Loroi instantly reacted as if someone had thrown a bucketful of iced water on her. She thrashed for a couple of moments before composing herself and looking upwards towards Razormist who just stared down at her. An other Another telepathic exchange undoubtedly occurred before the banged up Loroi stood up by herself and stumbled back to her kind’s positions. He couldn’t help but notice that their they didn’t help her at all through all this.

You seem to spell "another" rather often as "an other". In this instance the slight difference in meaning makes it wrong though.
(an other = a different; another = one more)

That last line... Heh. Probably sounds a bit insulting.

I find it...glorious

I see it as a big warning: you may be more "advanced" than us, but we are not easy to win over, and we can do without your trickery.
I loved it too, but I missed the short explanation that blue is a colour.
And now the Loroi have confirmed that they are listening into and dissecting whatever the Humans are saying.
Within a short time, their automated translation systems will tell them a lot more, and now that they can record everything, they will have a database to use and back-reference once they know a bit more.

[dragoongfa]

Yeah, I have noticed that as well; another thing I have noticed is that I often mistake thing and think. One of my bad writing habits that I am currently combating.

[Krulle]

Such things I attribute to the English language.
Minor spelling errors, no big difference in pronunciation, both words in dictionary (thus dictionaries/spell checkers don't help), yet a big difference in meaning.
My brain makes a lot of these errors too. After typing I often ask myself how I could have written that word when I was thinking the correct word. I can only guess that my fingers type the sound of the word I am thinking... (I had to correct the second word in this post..... )

On a different forum I see a lot of those horrible errors, I assume that person is using speech-to-text to post. There are other indications too, like missing punctuation.

“See how they installed support tethers on this side? I bet that a small umbilical extends on the other side so a shuttle could offload personnel quickly without the need of a space walk.” Shadowcloud commented and turned to Lieutenant Allerberger.

[...]

“What did you feel Mizol?” Razormist asked.

“It’s a jamming field.”

“But we can use our telepathy.” The Teidar pointed out.

“No it’s different; it’s like their entire body is a self contained jamming field that is somehow aimed inwards, not outwards.” Shadowcloud explained.

“Inwards?”

“I don't know how but it’s not something that keeps telepathy out but something that keeps telepathy locked inside.”

Very interesting thought. Keeping telepathy inside, with the side effect of preventing telepathy getting in.

Mitochondrial Eve, I've heard that before.... And there's also the Y-chromosomal Adam, although that seems to be less secure, as recently they found an US-immigrant (from Eastern Africa) who seems to come from a different Y-chromosome line. There seem to be 2 y-chromosomal Adams, but only 1 mitochondrial Eve.
Interesting point of theory and indeed a viable explanation for alien manipulations.
Love your theory.

But Wikipedia also has an article about paternal mtDNA transmission to offspring, and there is a paragraph about proof that this does happen in Humans, although no proof has been found that the male can in turn pass the grandfathers mtDNA to his offspring, so far only grandmothers (maternal) mtDNA has been found to be in positions for reproduction.

I also found the whole discussion about the Loroi bringing a loaded, concealed gun to a diplomatic meeting hilarious.
[...deleted as the topic was officially dropped...]

SpoilerShow

Just some more errors I spotted:

Chapter 7, part 2

“Lieutenant can you turn towards the machine’s control panel?” The doctor asked and the marine did as he was asked. The console was as she expected it to be, if a little extravagant. It had a big screen that nearly covered the entire war wall, with a plethora of smaller secondary screens beneath it. The Loroi medic, an unseemly young female with short white hair, was operating what looked like holographic controls with dexterity. She couldn’t she see whatever the screens were showing due to the camera’s angle and contemplated if she should ask the Lieutenant to position himself so she could take a better look.

Chapter 8, part 1

Shadowcloud didn’t need to telepathically read the young Teidar who guarded the shuttle to know that she wouldn’t get past her unchallenged. Teidar Coldsword wasn’t one of her bodyguards, she was the security officer of Silverspear and thus she answered only to Soroin Torret Darkwing, who now used the shuttle as her personal cabin in order to keep herself isolated and in her thoughts. Fortunately she saw this coming and brought Razormist with her, since the Sezon’s presence could be enough to have the young Teidar stand down peacefully.

[...]

“Teidar Sezon Razormist vouches for you and I deem your reasons acceptable.” Coldsword sent to her and stepped asider. “She has been through a lot, please do not add to her suffering.” The young Teidar pleaded to her as she passed in front of her.

Chapter 8, part 2

Now Shadowcloud led the human delegation with two of her Teidars as escort and her by her side and still Sulfur couldn’t help but feel uneasy about everything.

[...]

“Please sit.” The Mizol said as she gestured to the five chairs that were arranged on one side of a long table; three more chairs were arranged at the other side as well. “As I told you earlier I would like to explain and demonstrate out our telepathic abilities, in order for you to know what we Loroi are and aren’t capable of doing. This is a standard diplomatic procedure when contacting species that are unfamiliar with us.” With that the Mizol gestured to her to sit at one of the three empty chairs.

[...]

“The next telepathic ability and one of its key aspects is sensing. We Loroi can sense every advanced lifeform up to a certain distance that is wholly dependent on ones telepathic strength. In general, the more advanced a species's higher brain system is, the easier it is for us to detect. Sensing is what we use to identify people who we want to communicate with via targeted sending. Sensing also allows us to read surface emotions and thoughts even from a distance but what we sense is not always accurate especially if the one we sense has been trained in mental discipline. If we want to make sure that what we sense from anyone is accurate then we have to touch them. I already explained to you your comrade, Lieutenant Allerberger, that touching allows us to bypass mental barriers and negate telepathic limitation.” Shadowcloud paused at that point and sighed. “Normally this would be the point that I would ask for a volunteer to showcase sensing and sensing one’s mind via touching. I would ask the volunteer to think of something then I would sense what they were thinking and tell them what they thought.”

[...]

“That’s true, you are completely impervious to Sensing. We can’t sense you even from up close nor can we sense your thoughts and emotions when we touch you. Out of all the species that we have come in contact with you are the only one with this trait. Even the Mannadi, who many believe that are immune to our sensing, are detectable from up close and we can sense everything when we touch them.” Shadowcloud replied.

[Why did you capitalize "Sensing" here, and not in the paragraphs before and afterwards?
i do see sense in capitalising this ability (just as with "Sending"), but why just once?
Accidental, I presume for now.]

Chapter 8, part 3

“Yes, there are some species that are physically imposing and aggressive. Two member species of the Union, the Delrias and the Barsam fill this category. Both are known for their overwhelming physical strength and the natural temper. The Barsam to a lesser degree now with their pacifist and religious ways but the Delrias are troublesome to work with. They are carnivorous with a well known tendency for inter personal violence and aggression. Having strong telekinetics at hand to restrain them is standard procedure when conversing with their appointed delegates. Of course most of their delegates have been carefully selected but sometimes some of them can be troublesome. Personally I have been sent to delegate mostly with Delrias and a couple of Barsams who were know known for their temperament.”
[interesting, past tense...]

[...]

“How goes the treatment the treatment of Soroin Torret Darkwing?” Shadowcloud sent to Doranzer Needle as Thunderspear walked out of the room.

[...]

“Partially, we do have an Emperor and we sometimes refer to the Union as an Empire but that’s not an accurate way of describing our government. The Emperor is elected by the members of the Diadem which is a council made up by the highest ranking members of the Torrai caste, our leadership caste that is made up from those warriors who have proven themselves capable to rise above their own castes. The Emperor is primarily a military leader who has a wide range of powers at her disposal. Most of the lawmaking regarding the day to day workings of the Union falls into the jurisdiction of the representative Assembly in which all species that are members of the Union are represented one way or the other. In times of peace the Assembly guides and the Emperor executes, in times of war the Emperor leads and the Assemble Assembly obeys.” Shadowcloud replied, knowing full well that this was not the full picture and that some uncomfortable details were hidden.

[...]

“We know that Umiak propaganda is far reaching and that it is able to easily sway those who have never come in contact with us.” Shadowcloud commented as she thought about what to ask next. She already got what she needed to know about their organization and knew that since it represented all of their space faring nations and was their sole military arm then it was obvious that designated representatives of this authority would be able to legally bound humanity into a treaty. “I would like to know about you your mission and what your objectives are.”

Chapter 9, part 1

“Of course, Lieutenant Litteauer?" With that the engineer stood up, took out his tablet and after he accessed the necessary data he gave it to Torimor Shadowcloud who glanced at it before giving it to Listel Sininran Sulfur to study.”

Chapter 9, part 2

If Lieutenant Francois Litteauer was to name one redeeming quality about the two Loroi ‘assistants’ he had to work with, that would be their good looks; the fact that they obviously could work with completely alien to them tech was completely outweighed by their know it all behavior and their rudeness in not letting him do anything, despite the fact that he knew everything for the generator the they worked on by heart!

[...]

“That’s understandable but they believe that the manual you have provided is more than sufficient to guide them as they set the generator up. In fact they wish to comment commend you for it.” Shadowcloud replied.

[...]

Would the Umiak send a force strong enough to repel any and all Loroi assaults? Their track record on this regard was flawed to say that least at best.
[I would use a different formulation. "to say that least" just sounds.... uncomprehensible to me]

[...]

“Yes, all species have a natural growth period when they are in their fetal stage, If if one tricks the cells into believing that their body is still in the fetal stage then a form of natural regeneration would take place over a period of time.” The Loroi replied.

[...]

“You mean you can get it to run without the machine?” Listel Sulfuer Sulfur asked in disbelief.

Chapter 10, part 1

It was a harsh but noble duty, the noblest that any Umiak could dream of, for the Hierarchy needed warships to fight its enemies and spread ever onward; its noble mission demanding nothing less. It was only the Hierarchy that could be trusted to secure a future where everyone is equal to one an other another but until that future could be realized everyone would have to carry their load because no one could be equal if they didn’t offer their due.

Another thing I noticed over which I stumble. After spoken text you always start with a capitalised letter.
"BlahBlahBlah" he said.
is what I usually see. It depends on the circumstances. In this case "he said" continues the sentence of what was said, so I would expect it to start with a small letter.
And sometimes a person says something, and the text afterwards concerns a different person. To avoid misunderstandings, I would put that into a new paragraph....

Just observations. Do with those comments what you want, including having read and then ignore them.

Damn, this is a good read! I'm spending far more time on this than I have available.... Curse you!
And thank you!

Phew, finally catched up. No more need to edit this post then...
Back to work.

[dragoongfa]

[...]

“What did you feel Mizol?” Razormist asked.

“It’s a jamming field.”

“But we can use our telepathy.” The Teidar pointed out.

“No it’s different; it’s like their entire body is a self contained jamming field that is somehow aimed inwards, not outwards.” Shadowcloud explained.

“Inwards?”

“I don't know how but it’s not something that keeps telepathy out but something that keeps telepathy locked inside.”

Very interesting thought. Keeping telepathy inside, with the side effect of preventing telepathy getting in.

The way I have implemented this immunity it doesn't exactly stop telepathy from getting in. What it does instead is to severely limit anything that gets inside while letting nothing go back out, for a human to telepathically 'see' someone that someone would have to telepathically 'leak' a lot. Like Fireblade did when she met Alex for the first time, Fireblade after all has trouble controlling her telepathic talent from making noise.

Mitochondrial Eve, I've heard that before.... And there's also the Y-chromosomal Adam, although that seems to be less secure, as recently they found an US-immigrant (from Eastern Africa) who seems to come from a different Y-chromosome line. There seem to be 2 y-chromosomal Adams, but only 1 mitochondrial Eve.
Interesting point of theory and indeed a viable explanation for alien manipulations.
Love your theory.

But Wikipedia also has an article about paternal mtDNA transmission to offspring, and there is a paragraph about proof that this does happen in Humans, although no proof has been found that the male can in turn pass the grandfathers mtDNA to his offspring, so far only grandmothers (maternal) mtDNA has been found to be in positions for reproduction.

Yeah, I have read that as well but I went with what is secure at the moment for the basic background of the telepathic immunity.

Damn, this is a good read! I'm spending far more time on this than I have available.... Curse you!
And thank you!

Phew, finally catched up. No more need to edit this post then...
Back to work.

Don't worry, I will have more work for you soon(ish)

Thanks for the edits btw, will correct things sooner or later

[dragoongfa]

Chapter 10, part 2

Pondering as to why it was punished was driving it crazy; wasn’t it supposed to protect the ship and its crew as it was designed to do? It didn’t wish to betray anyone, it just wanted to be of use when it was all alone.

What made everything worse was that Kt’rkrktkr 48 trkrk was punishing himself along with it by constantly staying connected to it. It liked it at first, to have someone with it was always better than being alone but now it was different. He didn’t acknowledge it as he used to, he didn’t talk to it and he didn’t let its words reach him as it tried to comfort him through the sickness.

All of this didn’t make sense to it, it was true that Kt’rkrktkr 48 trkrk had told it repeatedly not to use the sensors on its own but whenever they were connected it couldn’t use the sensors to their full potential. It knew that it shouldn’t be thinking in such a way but it was already being punished, it didn’t see a reason to stop itself anymore especially since it was the truth. On its own it could sense for longer distances, this was something that it had noticed soon after their cooperation begun but they didn’t want it to sense on its own. It wasn’t its place to question such orders but it at least knew that much.

Kt’rkrktkr 48 trkrk had told it that the reason for this was that they were protecting the ship from the enemy when they were connected, it didn’t know how that worked out but he knew it to be true and as such it had to accept it even if it believed that sensing the enemy from a slightly longer distance would better protect the ship.

Still feeling the pain from the punishment it returned its full focus to the life signs that slowly came closer and closer, it knew that soon they would be too close for it to distinguish them and tell exactly where they were but Kt’rkrktkr 48 trkrk wasn’t worried about that at all. He had told it some time ago that few life signs meant a small ship and 93 life signs were too few to be a ship large enough to be a threat to them.

Focusing on the ever approaching life signs it couldn’t help but feel angry about its punishment for yet another time. The pain was debilitating but tolerable after a while, what really irked it was that it would normally be allowed to have a limited access to the other sensors and databanks in order to have its curiosity sated, now however even that small thing was taken from it.
It felt Kt’rkrktkr 48 trkrk’s mind steer as he was talking to the ship’s captain but again it was denied to hear what they were saying. It could still feel some traces of his thoughts but nothing that could be used in order to have an idea about what they were talking about.

Resigned to its fate it decided to maintain its full focus to the life signs as it was instructed. After all it didn’t have anything else to do and no matter how used to the pain it became it still didn’t like to feel it.

Chapter 10, part 3: http://www.well-of-souls.com/forums/vie ... 702#p19702

[dragoongfa]

Between a mix of RL botherness and several angry rewrites about the next part Chapter 10 will be split in three parts and not the two I had planned.

Oh well, at least I will give some insight about the device's workings.