[Fan Fiction] Notes and discussion for "A sword that wields itself"

[inxsi]

That's a lot better than I was picturing it would be. I'll spoil it to spare Californians.

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which was a series of arcologies in a desert that is somehow still on fire

[Cthulhu]

I did not want Arioch to live in such a depressing state. He still needs to finish this comic!

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No, by the time it turned in to a desert, everything that could burn already did. There's still a lot of dust from land erosion, though.

[Dan Wyatt]

Some big earthquake will probably hit California in this timeline, so expect a lot of demolition man scenarios.

[inxsi]

Very good section.

I like Emberwing's view on the last intermission. The VR salespeople can probably scratch the Loroi off the potential customer list

I liked the assumption of jealousy that Emberwing made. Discussing human relations is going to take a while. Also Human customs will take a long time.

Glad they finally explain the meaning of the ship's name. And more nightmares - Emberwing seems to know all the really messed up myths. Very enjoyable sequence, especialy her wondering what the monster was.

Becoming telepathic seems to make one arrogant though? Zarjow seems pretty dismissive of the "mere" AI constructs versus the wonders of Human telepathy. I mean, the other species are doing the best they can.

So all Human telepaths are able to read the thoughts of other Humans? No Human has a lotai to other Humans? Are these just surface thoughts? And those with no telepathic ability can hear the telepathy of the ones who do - I suppose that must be a focused transmission? I guess more will probably be explained at some point.

Oh, more mysterious capabilities - I like that at least the effect is mentioned even if the cause/mechanism is hidden.

[Cthulhu]

And more nightmares - Emberwing seems to know all the really messed up myths. Very enjoyable sequence, especialy her wondering what the monster was.

It's not just any myth, it's the myth of her clan. It tells the story of her clan's founder, about her tragedy, struggle and triumph. I may even compile my notes and post it as an oneshot, similar to Sashrilis.

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The monster is pretty recognizable, but not for Loroi...

Becoming telepathic seems to make one arrogant though? Zarjow seems pretty dismissive of the "mere" AI constructs versus the wonders of Human telepathy. I mean, the other species are doing the best they can.

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He is arrogant all by himself, but his disdain does have another, deeper reason. He won't tell, though. But Emberwing did not even perceive that as arrogance, since the Loroi, especially the traditionalists, are even more arrogant about their telepathy.

So all Human telepaths are able to read the thoughts of other Humans? No Human has a lotai to other Humans? Are these just surface thoughts? And those with no telepathic ability can hear the telepathy of the ones who do - I suppose that must be a focused transmission? I guess more will probably be explained at some point.

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This was already hinted at multiple times. The Lotai is only active between Loroi/Humans. Few Humans are psi-enabled, but they can read their own and also other aliens just fine. The Loroi exception was quite the surprise.

[inxsi]

I think I've figured out the monster on a re-read

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a dragon? Just going off of the fire breath (and some guesses from Emberwing's armor/sword/shield, which most likely ties into her clans myth).

On Human telepathy and arrogance:

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Yeah, I didn't Emberwing would perceive it as arrogance, more my sense that Humanity just developed (more likely re-discovered) telepathy and Humans already take it for granted to the extent of disdaining races that do not have it. In fairness, I would have to double-check if you mentioned how recently they did so - Zarjow likely grew up with this being the state of affairs for humanity and pre-telepathy Humanity is as real to him as events before I was born are to me. Maybe I'm reacting as if Humanity developed it and immediately viewed themselves as superior to non-telepath races, which is not really fair to the situation as written. I'm sure telepathy is awesome (and terrifying), it just struck me as arrogant to deride non-telepaths that way. I also think Humanity would be more aware of that since there are so many non-telepath Humans?

Can non-telepath Humans only receive thoughts projected by telepaths or can they also read the surface thoughts of other non-telepaths, they just cannot project? I might need to reread how telepathy works, I haven't really been thinking of the distinction much.

[Cthulhu]

I think I've figured out the monster on a re-read

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The "original" myth features a dreamscape/fever dream-like vision of a battle between Vengeance (not yet bearing this name) and her dead sister. There are no strange monsters, and Emberwing has no idea what this one is supposed to be or where it came from. As to your guess, maybe?

On Human telepathy and arrogance:

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The discovery of telepathy will be briefly explained in another Intermission. Its impact upon Humanity or its abilities are a major plot point reserved for later. But this development is not old enough and psi-talents are not widespread enough to establish a feeling of Human superiority. Zarjow specifically mentions telepathy being superior to AI, but why? It's classified...

[inxsi]

Thank you for the interesting chapter. Is the Illusion Drive something that has been mentioned in the Insider? Anyway, no one likes the Historians keeping secrets it seems, despite the difficulty the Loroi had in replicating the weapons technology the Historians eventually shared. And part of me wonders if the Humans recognize all of the dangers of the devices they are reverse engineering?

I really liked the Umiak speech, though their commander maybe gives a bit too much away. I suppose Kikitik-27 was unusually skilled at communication to avoid showing too many hints of what is going on. And the Human gambit with the Darlok was humorous (and well-written). I especially liked the "[acts of ensuring harmony]" part.

In thinking about it, the "[no one must escape our sight]" line could refer to either farsense or just their knowledge of aliens in the local area that they might have to deal with to ensure the security of the Umiak.

Also, poor Emberwing trying to make sense of all of this - both the Enemy and her allies delight in confounding her

One minor thing error I saw:

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beyond of our means = beyond our means

[Cthulhu]

Thank you for the interesting chapter. Is the Illusion Drive something that has been mentioned in the Insider? Anyway, no one likes the Historians keeping secrets it seems, despite the difficulty the Loroi had in replicating the weapons technology the Historians eventually shared. And part of me wonders if the Humans recognize all of the dangers of the devices they are reverse engineering?

Yes, Arioch specifically named the Historian engines "Illusion Drive", but he did not elaborate about how they might work. However, Insider says that the reactionless drives are related to artificial gravity and inertial dampeners.

The humans here are quite daring regarding scientific progress. But, let's be honest, if we found something like that, we would rush to try it out. There wouldn't even be a need for AI control, instead we'd have too many daredevil volunteers.

I really liked the Umiak speech, though their commander maybe gives a bit too much away. I suppose Kikitik-27 was unusually skilled at communication to avoid showing too many hints of what is going on. And the Human gambit with the Darlok was humorous (and well-written). I especially liked the "[acts of ensuring harmony]" part.

The first Umiak was "just" a captain, and they are not trained in the ways of diplomacy. I guess he was forced to improvise based on a manual. The second one was a higher-ranking one, but still not as chatty or elaborate as the very odd "Stray".

Since Arioch did not include the Darlok, I decided to give them a cameo, at least.

One minor thing error I saw:

Thanks!

[inxsi]

The humans here are quite daring regarding scientific progress. But, let's be honest, if we found something like that, we would rush to try it out. There wouldn't even be a need for AI control, instead we'd have too many daredevil volunteers.

Agreed - if anything, I was surprised that the humans were so cautious instead of just trying them immediately. I've always wondered what the initial development of the jump drive was like for the Humans, both how it was tested and how many were lost figuring out jumping to the first star system.

Since Arioch did not include the Darlok, I decided to give them a cameo, at least.

So they are based on Master of Orion? The only thing I know about that game is what I've learned from the forums - I've never really been able to get into those types of games despite trying to Very enjoyable for an elder race, and I imagine that is a nightmare for the Umiak - the Historians are probably bad enough for their peace of mind, running into something that claims to be much older and more advanced is probably horrifying since I don't think the Umiak can conceive of something outside of their direct control not being competition at some point.

[Cthulhu]

So they are based on Master of Orion? The only thing I know about that game is what I've learned from the forums - I've never really been able to get into those types of games despite trying to

That's a pity, Master of Orion and especially Master of Orion 2 are pillars of 4X games.

The Darloks from MOOShow

[Krulle]

Oh yeah, the accursed Darlok.
Prepare your counter-infiltration spies!


Anyway, since communication is still speed of light based, the Humans and Umiak must converse with considerable lag.
The humans can capture the Umiak light after a jump quickly, but not in the reverse.

Also, when the Humans start their engine, the Umiak cannot see this until the speed of light has reached them to respond to the change of situation.

Just as an obervation.

[Cthulhu]

Oh yeah, the accursed Darlok.
Prepare your counter-infiltration spies!

Your defensive spy was assassinated by Draxx.

Anyway, since communication is still speed of light based, the Humans and Umiak must converse with considerable lag.
The humans can capture the Umiak light after a jump quickly, but not in the reverse.

Also, when the Humans start their engine, the Umiak cannot see this until the speed of light has reached them to respond to the change of situation.

Just as an obervation.

Yes, I know, and that's why the lag is filled with conversations. I also deliberately omitted mentioning the distances, because remembering all the numbers, relative speeds and time lag would probably overburden the readers of a story where chapters are published weekly.

But, if you want the hard math:
Assuming the Umiak had an initial velocity of 500km/h after the jump, an average acceleration of 20g and 20 hours of flight time, they would've displaced 28,26 light-minutes. I guess that an hour between the messages is still short enough to fill the waiting time with conversations, which are obviously not to (time) scale.

[Krulle]

It's okay, the chapter just didn't transmit much of a passage of time between sending of message and receipt of message.
For the "TrueSpace Insanity Drive" there's a separation line, which could indicate a small skip of time, but the conversation doesn't see m to be long enough to fill an hour.

But still, this is "just" a fanfic,meaning I read this with a salt of grain as this may be non-canon, and I thank you very much for this!
On top I've read stories where professional writers, and their editors, made real mistakes unravelling the internal logic of the universe....
It's maybe not as obvious as I would've needed prima facie, but it fits good.
It was just my personal impression that time hasn't passed sufficiently for the sequence of events.

[Cthulhu]

It's okay, the chapter just didn't transmit much of a passage of time between sending of message and receipt of message.
For the "TrueSpace Insanity Drive" there's a separation line, which could indicate a small skip of time, but the conversation doesn't see m to be long enough to fill an hour.

It's actually quite insane. Imagine finding the wreck of a modern-day warship and trying to re-create its systems, in, let's say, the early 18XX. Since the nuclear reactor is too advanced to copy, the prototype will be propelled by re-purposed missile engines spinning paddle wheels. It should work, and it would be quite fast, yes, but...
The "normal" reactionless drive follows common sense.

But still, this is "just" a fanfic,meaning I read this with a salt of grain as this may be non-canon, and I thank you very much for this!
On top I've read stories where professional writers, and their editors, made real mistakes unravelling the internal logic of the universe....
It's maybe not as obvious as I would've needed prima facie, but it fits good.

While I don't think that my fanfic is at the level of professional writing, the comparison is quite flattering nonetheless. I tried to follow the world-building rules for the most part, and the "repurposed" drive might even be viable. Or not. Perhaps it may even serve some other purpose later on.

It was just my personal impression that time hasn't passed sufficiently for the sequence of events.

Thanks for the critique, I might polish that part a bit more. While I tried to give the impression of the passage of time with all the banter and explanations, it might not be enough.

[Bamax]

Latest chapter: Just wowed. This fanfic totally scratches my itch for old cult classic space games.

Reminded me of trolling aliens on the view screen with Star Control 2.

I honestly find it more satisfying to troll enemies really good over simply killing them.

The Umiak may fear the Loroi who want them dead... but they have never faced a race who grew up on scifi space opera that is likely to play with and annoy the Umiak as as much as kill them.

Nice human angle as the Umiak may see them now... or whatever disguise they think we are.

Loroi will mind contol you, then kill you.

Humans? They will annoy you so much you may wish you were dead... and then... maybe... if they are in the mood, they'll kill too too.


By the way, I personally do think you are good enough to create and write your own scifi stories.

Drama. Humor. Intrigue. All the hooks to keep a reader interested you have.

It need not even be a long novel. One hillarious short scifi work short story I enjoy is Superiority.

http://www.mayofamily.com/RLM/txt_Clark ... ority.html

The Cold Equations is another short scifi story that has bern adapted to TV shorts, but sadly Superiority never was.

[Snoofman]

I freaking loved the Masters of Orion reference. Wonder how the Loroi would react to seeing a fictional version of themselves. Would probably make them awfully suspicious of what secrets humanity is harboring.

Excellent chapter.

[Cthulhu]

Latest chapter: Just wowed. This fanfic totally scratches my itch for old cult classic space games.

Reminded me of trolling aliens on the view screen with Star Control 2.

I honestly find it more satisfying to troll enemies really good over simply killing them.

The Umiak may fear the Loroi who want them dead... but they have never faced a race who grew up on scifi space opera that is likely to play with and annoy the Umiak as as much as kill them.

Nice human angle as the Umiak may see them now... or whatever disguise they think we are.

Loroi will mind contol you, then kill you.

Humans? They will annoy you so much you may wish you were dead... and then... maybe... if they are in the mood, they'll kill too too.


By the way, I personally do think you are good enough to create and write your own scifi stories.

Drama. Humor. Intrigue. All the hooks to keep a reader interested you have.

It need not even be a long novel. One hillarious short scifi work short story I enjoy is Superiority.

http://www.mayofamily.com/RLM/txt_Clark ... ority.html

The Cold Equations is another short scifi story that has bern adapted to TV shorts, but sadly Superiority never was.

Thanks for the praise, but the leap to professional writing is a huge one. I would need a lot more practice in order to reach that level. Anyway, this fanfic is such a training piece. After it is finished, I might do a shorter, less serious one next.

I freaking loved the Masters of Orion reference. Wonder how the Loroi would react to seeing a fictional version of themselves. Would probably make them awfully suspicious of what secrets humanity is harboring.

Excellent chapter.

The humans are doing their best to suppress any "elven" references, you know. Imagine the amount of fictional "lore" that two centuries of VR gaming could create. Especially with the "dark elves" archetype.

[inxsi]

Very nice new section - I had wondered what the "god" you mentioned could be and was thinking it had to be an AI of some sort. It was very interestingly written. I do wonder how war works with all civilians in the arcologies. I assume the true faith is the belief in the AI, but I wonder what the cult is. How long was this after the rise of the arcologies?

You would think the designers would have provided a comfortable chair and some less dangerous method of interfacing though

[Cthulhu]

Very nice new section - I had wondered what the "god" you mentioned could be and was thinking it had to be an AI of some sort. It was very interestingly written. I do wonder how war works with all civilians in the arcologies. I assume the true faith is the belief in the AI, but I wonder what the cult is. How long was this after the rise of the arcologies?

You would think the designers would have provided a comfortable chair and some less dangerous method of interfacing though

There were almost no wars between arcologies, except for cyber-warfare and spec-ops. There was little to gain by capturing the arcology itself, since most humans "lived" in the cyberspace.

The plot thickens!Show

Who said that the priest was human? Or that the events took place on Earth?
As to who the "God" is, well, I couldn't suppress the urge of making a self-insertion...