[Fan Fiction] Notes and discussion for "A sword that wields itself"

[Bamax]

I think it is better for characters to know more than the reader... but no turning back now in the story.

That way the reader wants to know what they know... and it can surprise the reader.

No reader cares about any character unless they act interesting or do interesting things.... preferably both.

You have quite a similar approach in many detective stories as well, the readers may know who the murderer is, but still enjoy the detective's struggle to catch the evildoer.

The only detective story where I have bothered to read the actual book was Sherlock Holmes.

Often Holmes knows things no one else does until he explains it later... I quite enjoyed Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes... he was rather eccentric but highly intelligent and would have been more of a Marty Sue were it not for his addiction to cocaine.

https://www.banyantreatmentcenter.com/2 ... nd-addict/


Despite that he had a strong sense of justice along with boldness and the strength to back it up... there were times it seemed he would be beaten up by a big burly guy but Holmes despite his thin lanky build was surprisingly strong.

Holmes was like Batman before Batman... totally obsessed with his job... indeed all his skills and hobbies were intentionally chosen to aid him in his job.

From martial arts to knowledge of all manner of random things and making disguises.

He was not good at stuff that had nothing to do with or could not aid his work as a detective.



Cocaine was something he used when he was bored... AKA when he had no detective cases to work on... he literally enjoyed his detective work so much that his phrase when excited over a case was often "The game's a foot!"

For Holmes detective work was like a game... fun even. And boredom to him was only escaped by being high on cocaine or doing the dtective work he loved.



In short... Sherlock was interesting because he was a larger than life character with virtually superhuman deduction skills yet with realistic flaws... making him like a demi-god of sorts... both super and human at once.

Tell me... what is it about Emberwing that makes her interesting BESIDES being a member of a race of blue skinned warrior space elf babes?

I am not being mean so please understand that is not my intention.

Because so far as I have seen the only thing that was interesting about Emberwing in the beginning was the nature of her relationships with others and her nervousness as someone put in the Torret chair purely because the actual Torret died in the attack (if I remember correctly).


The central mystery every Loroi and human character is trying to get to the bottom of, but it really has had not done well at making Emberwing interesting.

That one little tidbit about the Loroi spy in the vision showed just enough that made me want to see her more.

Why? She is obviously psonic kinetic, and she also showed some attitude given what she said of the new priestess.

Is that entertaining to watch? Yes.

What is not? Emberwing-in-a-bathtub.

Unless something shocking happens like Alex pranks her acting like like American Psycho (minus actually hurting her of course).

Emberwing is so serious anyway... practically deserves to get pranked lol.

[Cthulhu]

The only detective story where I have bothered to read the actual book was Sherlock Holmes.

Often Holmes knows things no one else does until he explains it later... I quite enjoyed Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes... he was rather eccentric but highly intelligent and would have been more of a Marty Sue were it not for his addiction to cocaine.

https://www.banyantreatmentcenter.com/2 ... nd-addict/


Despite that he had a strong sense of justice along with boldness and the strength to back it up... there were times it seemed he would be beaten up by a big burly guy but Holmes despite his thin lanky build was surprisingly strong.

Holmes was like Batman before Batman... totally obsessed with his job... indeed all his skills and hobbies were intentionally chosen to aid him in his job.

From martial arts to knowledge of all manner of random things and making disguises.

He was not good at stuff that had nothing to do with or could not aid his work as a detective.



Cocaine was something he used when he was bored... AKA when he had no detective cases to work on... he literally enjoyed his detective work so much that his phrase when excited over a case was often "The game's a foot!"

For Holmes detective work was like a game... fun even. And boredom to him was only escaped by being high on cocaine or doing the dtective work he loved.



In short... Sherlock was interesting because he was a larger than life character with virtually superhuman deduction skills yet with realistic flaws... making him like a demi-god of sorts... both super and human at once.

Neither I nor Arioch are envisioning a superhero story/comic. It's a space opera, more or less. However, further down the line, there might be something super going on.

Tell me... what is it about Emberwing that makes her interesting BESIDES being a member of a race of blue skinned warrior space elf babes?

I am not being mean so please understand that is not my intention.

Because so far as I have seen the only thing that was interesting about Emberwing in the beginning was the nature of her relationships with others and her nervousness as someone put in the Torret chair purely because the actual Torret died in the attack (if I remember correctly).

What is so interesting about Alex, besides him being a male among amazonian space elves? He was just being dragged around, and hasn't yet accomplished anything or got the opportunity to display his talents. There were just a few hints regarding a telepathic awakening.

Also, yes, it is a story reversal, so this means that the protagonist would become the captain by the rule of elimination.

The central mystery every Loroi and human character is trying to get to the bottom of, but it really has had not done well at making Emberwing interesting.

That one little tidbit about the Loroi spy in the vision showed just enough that made me want to see her more.

Why? She is obviously psonic kinetic, and she also showed some attitude given what she said of the new priestess.

Is that entertaining to watch? Yes.

What is not? Emberwing-in-a-bathtub.

Unless something shocking happens like Alex pranks her acting like like American Psycho (minus actually hurting her of course).

Emberwing is so serious anyway... practically deserves to get pranked lol.

Well, I think that the build-up might have been too long. But this is a draft, more or less, so once the story is finished, I will refine it.

The mystery will now unfold at a much faster pace. There won't be any time for pranks.

[Bamax]

What is interesying about Alex?

I will grant you that he is not super interesting, but he does definitely hold that everyman what would you do appeal to him.

Additional he has displayed some attitude that characterizes him... namely his bold mocking of Fireblade he threw him against the wall earlier, and his mischievious attitude toward her as well.

Alex seems like a guy who totally believes in payback in some shape or form... and he wants it for his blown up ship, and has already done it against Fireblade by mocking her and giving her the single fimger salute.

In short what makes Alex interesting as a character is threefold, one is intelligent as his his commamder noted but also a bit brash, two he has attitude, and three he still has everyman appeal since his reactions to situations are often just that.

An everywoman for a Loroi depends more on where she is from as that informs her cultutural background more.

You have relied on that some.

[Cthulhu]

What is interesying about Alex?

I will grant you that he is not super interesting, but he does definitely hold that everyman what would you do appeal to him.

Additional he has displayed some attitude that characterizes him... namely his bold mocking of Fireblade he threw him against the wall earlier, and his mischievious attitude toward her as well.

Alex seems like a guy who totally believes in payback in some shape or form... and he wants it for his blown up ship, and has already done it against Fireblade by mocking her and giving her the single fimger salute.

Mocking? That's a rather insignificant display of defiance, a joke she may not even have understood, and the finger, well, she also has no idea what it means. Maybe it's an "and my axe!" (or sword) statement among the Loroi. They are reliant on sanzai, and are not very good at interpreting body language or understanding metaphors.

An everywoman for a Loroi depends more on where she is from as that informs her cultutural background more.

You have relied on that some.

Then I need to expand on that.

[Bamax]

What is interesying about Alex?

I will grant you that he is not super interesting, but he does definitely hold that everyman what would you do appeal to him.

Additional he has displayed some attitude that characterizes him... namely his bold mocking of Fireblade he threw him against the wall earlier, and his mischievious attitude toward her as well.

Alex seems like a guy who totally believes in payback in some shape or form... and he wants it for his blown up ship, and has already done it against Fireblade by mocking her and giving her the single fimger salute.

Mocking? That's a rather insignificant display of defiance, a joke she may not even have understood, and the finger, well, she also has no idea what it means. Maybe it's an "and my axe!" (or sword) statement among the Loroi. They are reliant on sanzai, and are not very good at interpreting body language or understanding metaphors.

An everywoman for a Loroi depends more on where she is from as that informs her cultutural background more.

You have relied on that some.

Then I need to expand on that.

I do not think it is insignificant at all. It shows character.

As an example, I would have been more cautious were I in Alex place.

I would not have joked that Fireblafe did not know how to speak trade just to get a reaction from Fireblade, nor would I have flipped off the person whi used superpowers to throw into the wall and is giving me dirty looks and several occasions.

Alex has boldness about him, and is also a risk taker... sometimes just for amusement, other times because he knows with risk comes rewards.

Risk nothing and you can expect no reward either.

And I do agree that Emberwing needs more character... since right now she seems more like a random person thrown into the situation who Loroi think is one of them than an actual character in her own right.

[Cthulhu]

I do not think it is insignificant at all. It shows character.

As an example, I would have been more cautious were I in Alex place.

I would not have joked that Fireblafe did not know how to speak trade just to get a reaction from Fireblade, nor would I have flipped off the person whi used superpowers to throw into the wall and is giving me dirty looks and several occasions.

Alex has boldness about him, and is also a risk taker... sometimes just for amusement, other times because he knows with risk comes rewards.

Risk nothing and you can expect no reward either.

His only risky decision was to join the Scout Corps and volunteer for this mission. After he was picked up by the Loroi, he didn't even get any chances to decide something. Well, let's see if the boarding action finally permits him to display his talents.

And I do agree that Emberwing needs more character... since right now she seems more like a random person thrown into the situation who Loroi think is one of them than an actual character in her own right.

This is one third due to the weekly/bi-weekly release schedule, another one because it's a bit difficult writing an alien, and the final part, is, let's say, intentional.

[Bamax]

I do not think it is insignificant at all. It shows character.

As an example, I would have been more cautious were I in Alex place.

I would not have joked that Fireblafe did not know how to speak trade just to get a reaction from Fireblade, nor would I have flipped off the person whi used superpowers to throw into the wall and is giving me dirty looks and several occasions.

Alex has boldness about him, and is also a risk taker... sometimes just for amusement, other times because he knows with risk comes rewards.

Risk nothing and you can expect no reward either.

His only risky decision was to join the Scout Corps and volunteer for this mission. After he was picked up by the Loroi, he didn't even get any chances to decide something. Well, let's see if the boarding action finally permits him to display his talents.

And I do agree that Emberwing needs more character... since right now she seems more like a random person thrown into the situation who Loroi think is one of them than an actual character in her own right.

This is one third due to the weekly/bi-weekly release schedule, another one because it's a bit difficult writing an alien, and the final part, is, let's say, intentional.

Since you are intentionally hiding the last part... lemme guess... Emberwing is some kind of uber living weapon that makes Fireblade look like a child's play thing and will single mindedly win the war rigbt?

It is not as if you have not been dropping hints...

[Cthulhu]

Since you are intentionally hiding the last part... lemme guess... Emberwing is some kind of uber living weapon that makes Fireblade look like a child's play thing and will single mindedly win the war rigbt?

It is not as if you have not been dropping hints...

I said right at the beginning, that there won't be any "deus ex machina", "Humans to the rescue", or "Humans, hell yeah" tropes. However, one way or the other, the Loroi will need something extraordinary in order to win this war. Hmm, that's quite contradictory. I wonder how they will be able to solve this. Maybe with the power of friendship?

[Snoofman]

Now I'm excited! Maybe the debris field is what blocks the Loroi's vision?

Perhaps they will also meet the transcendent one in person.

[Cthulhu]

Now I'm excited! Maybe the debris field is what blocks the Loroi's vision?

But amplifiers enhance vision, not block it...

Perhaps they will also meet the transcendent one in person.

Who says it's a person?

SpoilerShow

Actually, is that even wise? What or whoever it might be is not guaranteed to be benevolent, you know? Maybe, as a famous Admiral had once said, "it's a trap!"

[Snoofman]

Caught up. Intrigue is rising. While I can't recall every dream/vision scene in your previous posts, I think I see how some events might unfold. Can't help but get some "Dune" vibes here. Looking forward to the next post.

[Cthulhu]

Caught up. Intrigue is rising. While I can't recall every dream/vision scene in your previous posts, I think I see how some events might unfold. Can't help but get some "Dune" vibes here. Looking forward to the next post.

Dune? Maybe a little. However, there won't be any "Kwisatz Haderachs" or giant worms.

You see, the planetary parameters were chosen at random, actually. Depending on the dice roll, it may have turned out to be a waterworld instead.

[Bamax]

Arioch recently answered a reason why Loroi may choose to speak vocally rather than telepathically.

It should be useful for you because I do follow what you ask Arioch.

[Cthulhu]

Arioch recently answered a reason why Loroi may choose to speak vocally rather than telepathically.

It should be useful for you because I do follow what you ask Arioch.

I already knew this, he already answered a similar question some time ago.

[Snoofman]

Another mysterious object in human possession. I cannot help but wonder if it enhances foresight. I wonder even more now what role this strange planet will have in aiding the war effort against the Hierarchy.

[Cthulhu]

Another mysterious object in human possession. I cannot help but wonder if it enhances foresight.

Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to work (any longer). Maybe they have to find the other half, and duct-tape them together?

I wonder even more now what role this strange planet will have in aiding the war effort against the Hierarchy.

The ability to cloak an entire world from farseer detection is already worth investigating. Whatever (or whoever) produces that effect could be of the same kind what the Umiak are using. If the protagonists can understand how this trick works, then they may get past the Shell fleet-lotai as well. Then, there are the dreams, the means to send them across half a sector would be tremendously useful if repurposed as FTL comms. Finally, it's the first debris field of a dread-star ever found, there's bound to be something useful there, they just have to find it. Or, maybe it will find them first?

[Snoofman]

Enzin and Emberwing hath descended upon the mystical world. Out to seek yon’ mysterious deity. Or Wonder if ‘God’, as ‘twer,’ hath found them?

Loved the staking of the flag. Kind of reminded me of Duck Dodgers claiming Planet X.

[Cthulhu]

Enzin and Emberwing hath descended upon the mystical world. Out to seek yon’ mysterious deity. Or Wonder if ‘God’, as ‘twer,’ hath found them?

Interestingly enough, Alex' seemingly haphazard plan of getting in contact with someone worked right off the bat. Just a coincidence, or maybe not?

That whole "God" theme is also quite strange. If it's just some artifact, then why did none of the other Soia survivors possess something even remotely similar? Loroi, Barsam, Neridi, everyone was plunged back into the Stone Age even though they had access to artifacts. Yet here, the survivors never fell so far, despite an overwhelmingly hostile environment. It's almost as if they were guided...

Loved the staking of the flag. Kind of reminded me of Duck Dodgers claiming Planet X.

It's more of a tribute to the explorers of the Age of Sail.

[Snoofman]

I can’t help but think of the bard from ‘The Witcher’ after reading this chapter.


Bard: (sees Fireblade crouching, in a dark alley) Hello… oh aren’t you just the cutest…

Fireblade: (slowly stands, glaring down at Bard with emerald glowing eyes)

Bard: (with escalating terror) …most… terrifying thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Run away. RUN AWAY!

[Cthulhu]

I can’t help but think of the bard from ‘The Witcher’ after reading this chapter.

To be honest, I didn't like that Dandelion guy, especially in the TV series. Instead, this bard is based on a D&D campaign I DM'ed long ago.

Bard: (sees Fireblade crouching, in a dark alley) Hello… oh aren’t you just the cutest…

Fireblade: (slowly stands, glaring down at Bard with emerald glowing eyes)

Bard: (with escalating terror) …most… terrifying thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Run away. RUN AWAY!

A bard running away from trouble? No, you roll for seduction. Always.