What to Do with Jardin (Fan Fic)

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ShadowDragon8685
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Re: What to Do with Jardin (Fan Fic)

Post by ShadowDragon8685 »

I have an update for you. Sort of!

There's no new content... Instead, I've started rewriting the old stuff, reformatting it for Google docs, which are much more comfortable for me to write in. I started by rewriting saint of m's vignettes, to hopefully match the tone of my later entries, without changing the details.

You can see what I've done so far here.

deafscout
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Re: What to Do with Jardin (Fan Fic)

Post by deafscout »

good story

ShadowDragon8685
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Re: What to Do with Jardin (Fan Fic)

Post by ShadowDragon8685 »

deafscout wrote:good story
Thank you. I'm glad you like it.

Blu3wolf
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Re: What to Do with Jardin (Fan Fic)

Post by Blu3wolf »

In the previous story post, there was conversation about conservation... and specifically, conservation was misspelled, as conversation. Also - not quite sure what human polities are, either. Spelling error?

Glorious read thus far. Though - I have a wise for your muse to return. Perhaps in style! (warning - link NSFW): http://oglaf.com/blank-page/

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orion1836
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Re: What to Do with Jardin (Fan Fic)

Post by orion1836 »

I have to admit - I avoided this thread for a very long time because of the crack-fic nature of the original posts. Outsider is a serious attempt to translate very soft sci-fi tropes into a much harder sci-fi setting while keeping the space opera themes intact. The last thing I wanted to see was a Marty Stu crack-fic.

ShadowDragon8685... wow, to write a fic like you did is hard enough, but to take the original material and turn it into... this takes real talent. This is incredible and you are to be commended.

Something from much earlier I wanted to comment on:
ShadowDragon8685 wrote:As requested, a bit of Opalstorm simmering in the tiny brig aboard Swiftwind.

======

She twisted her lips up in a smirk; indeed, if human menfolk were so irresistible to Loroi warriors, once the race was properly vassalized, perhaps Loroi vessels could keep one or two aboard for morale purposes. It would greatly simplify her task of keeping discipline if she had some sort of apparently-irresistible alien reward to dangle for good behavior. Then the need to constantly discipline her subordinates would be alleviated, as they would, surely, to some degree reign in their own unruly and wild impulses in the hope of pleasing her and by so doing, gain access...

Opalstorm reached up, stroking her ear thoughtfully. This possibility bore some... Consideration.
All *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge* fan-service jokes aside, this is what hit me when I first saw the thread on what Humanity could offer the Loroi. Judging by the map of the Local Bubble, Terran space is out of the way at best, and unreasonably far at worst. Even if Humanity could offer Loroi fleets a "back door" into Umiak space, the Loroi would still need to expend ships and resources to take advantage of it. As I see it based on what I've read in the 'Insider,' even with technical assistance or outright uplifting, Humanity isn't going to be of much military or industrial help for the Loroi anytime soon; the initial push to fortify our (and by extension the Loroi's) position would involve mostly Loroi assets. Any ships and war materiel sent to a new Human "front" would NOT be sent to the Steppes and bordering Loroi systems - a risky proposition with the Umiak continuing to press on it.

Of course, the Loroi could justify any and all resources sent to secure us because of the threat we would pose if we, as a whole, fell into Umiak hands. Farsight-invisible Human slaves forced into warships on the front line would be devastating to the Loroi. That said, we have just as much interest in staying alive (and free) as the Loroi do in keeping us out of Umiak control, nullifying our negotiating position somewhat. And who knows if the human diplomat at the other end of the table will even understand the full nature of the Loroi's position, and the leverage our telepathic immunity grants us?

Without anything more substantial to gain than access to (and knowledge of) new jump routes, refueling points, and a potential (future) industrial base, and especially considering that the Loroi could simply take all the above, I could see them asking Humanity for a cadre of "observers" as I'm sure they'd be officially called. Ten thousand men, one or two for each Loroi ship, would hardly be a drop in the global population bucket, and I'm sure there would be little difficulty in finding volunteers. What's more, the TCA could actually use them as observers, both to garner intelligence and a simple understanding of how a broad interstellar war is actually fought.

It costs Humanity practically nothing, gains us security (unless, of course, the Umiak win), and gives us a leg up in understanding the races and technology that surround us in the local bubble. From the Loroi side, assuming their culture would even allow for such a thing (something not yet addressed in canon), they gain a huge morale boost for their troops (without putting any of their extremely valuable male population at risk), secure a possibly existential threat from the control of their enemy, and gain a potential back door to Umiak space, opening up a future second front.

Absalom
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Re: What to Do with Jardin (Fan Fic)

Post by Absalom »

Blu3wolf wrote:Also - not quite sure what human polities are, either. Spelling error?
An alternate word for "government", basically. Also, plural.

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sunphoenix
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Re: What to Do with Jardin (Fan Fic)

Post by sunphoenix »

orion1836 wrote:I have to admit - I avoided this thread for a very long time because of the crack-fic nature of the original posts. Outsider is a serious attempt to translate very soft sci-fi tropes into a much harder sci-fi setting while keeping the space opera themes intact. The last thing I wanted to see was a Marty Stu crack-fic.

ShadowDragon8685... wow, to write a fic like you did is hard enough, but to take the original material and turn it into... this takes real talent. This is incredible and you are to be commended.

Something from much earlier I wanted to comment on:
ShadowDragon8685 wrote:As requested, a bit of Opalstorm simmering in the tiny brig aboard Swiftwind.

======

Opalstorm reached up, stroking her ear thoughtfully. This possibility bore some... Consideration.
All *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge* fan-service jokes aside, this is what hit me when I first saw the thread on what Humanity could offer the Loroi. Judging by the map of the Local Bubble, Terran space is out of the way at best, and unreasonably far at worst. Even if Humanity could offer Loroi fleets a "back door" into Umiak space, the Loroi would still need to expend ships and resources to take advantage of it. As I see it based on what I've read in the 'Insider,' even with technical assistance or outright uplifting, Humanity isn't going to be of much military or industrial help for the Loroi anytime soon; the initial push to fortify our (and by extension the Loroi's) position would involve mostly Loroi assets. Any ships and war materiel sent to a new Human "front" would NOT be sent to the Steppes and bordering Loroi systems - a risky proposition with the Umiak continuing to press on it.

...{snip~}

It costs Humanity practically nothing, gains us security (unless, of course, the Umiak win), and gives us a leg up in understanding the races and technology that surround us in the local bubble. From the Loroi side, assuming their culture would even allow for such a thing (something not yet addressed in canon), they gain a huge morale boost for their troops (without putting any of their extremely valuable male population at risk), secure a possibly existential threat from the control of their enemy, and gain a potential back door to Umiak space, opening up a future second front.
[IC] TdSmR Athen Rourke -

Athen Jansen Rourke finally opened an eye, he had not really been asleep but his sensitive nightvision eyes preferred a dimmer light to all the glare of the shuttle's white interior.

He glanced at the pilot and then out the nearby portal... viewing the impossible sight of the Loroi Battlecruiser in low earth orbit and his head spun with the impossibility of it all as the shuttle closed for 'docking'...

He sighed spoke with a southeastern states drawl, "Ah, didn't think I'd be allowed to back out now after all the trouble 'uncle sam' spent to shoehorn me in here.. catheter and all. So a 'reserve activation clause' on my previous association with the agency...", he did not need to mention what agency.. or bother, "..does not surprise me one bit. Nobody has ever asked me ta do a job that there was not life or death involved.. either as a doctor or an operative, and the government never sent me after anything they did not want brought back dead! So, can we please just dispense with the bullshit?

"Let me get this straight... MY government wants ME.. ex-CIA paramilitary operations officer, ex-Counter Intelligence Operative, Ex-Spec Ops... AND I repeat RETIRED~ solider, to be some kind of a spy-observer, boy-toy, mascot, gigolo for a warship full of blue warrior space-elf amazon women who all are mostly the same age as mah little girl and ALL undersexed AND in a war with a race of giant tyrannical space-bugs intent on conquering the galaxy? Yur kiddin' right?"

:) lols!
Last edited by sunphoenix on Fri May 05, 2017 12:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
PbP:
[IC] Deep Strike 'Lt' Kamielle Lynn
[IC] Cydonia Rising/Tempest Sonnidezi Stormrage
[IC] Incursion Maiannon Golden Hair
[IC] TdSmR Athen Rourke

"...you can't conquer a free man; the most you can do is Kill him."

harlequin2262
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Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2015 3:08 am

Re: What to Do with Jardin (Fan Fic)

Post by harlequin2262 »

Alright writer boy. The stars just aligned again in living memory, make with the feels fiction.

ShadowDragon8685
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Re: What to Do with Jardin (Fan Fic)

Post by ShadowDragon8685 »

harlequin2262 wrote:Alright writer boy. The stars just aligned again in living memory, make with the feels fiction.
Damn, I did say I'd write moar when 113 dropped, didn't I? :]

Well, I can; heck, I've had ideas for awhile, but I'm prepping to run a solo-player Pokémon ttrpg thing for a friend, too, so don't expect instantaneous delivery.

harlequin2262
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Re: What to Do with Jardin (Fan Fic)

Post by harlequin2262 »

Well, I'm reading the wrong comic for instant gratification, aren't I?

DavalKatro
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Re: What to Do with Jardin (Fan Fic)

Post by DavalKatro »

Just finished reading everything in this thread. Interesting stuff.

Jethreuel
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Joined: Thu Jul 07, 2016 10:54 pm

Re: What to Do with Jardin (Fan Fic)

Post by Jethreuel »

Are there any plans to continue updating this story or the star trek outsider fanfic?

entity2636
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Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2018 11:53 am

Re: What to Do with Jardin (Fan Fic)

Post by entity2636 »

Well, necroposting FTW, of course, but this looks to me like a gemstone grade story after ShadowDragon took over. Very detailed, well thought through, IMO fits well in canon and is interesting and reads well. I liked the attention to fine detail, the atmosphere, the characters' internal monologues and thoughts, the dialogue and military jargon, just the right amount of humor, everything just works.

Good stuff, and it would be a waste if ShadowDragon just abandoned it.

ShadowDragon appears to still be active on the forum, so, maybe, if enough people get his attention, he could be persuaded into continuing this story? ;) Though might be tough to get going again after two years since the last installment....

ShadowDragon8685
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Re: What to Do with Jardin (Fan Fic)

Post by ShadowDragon8685 »

The muse, she is a fickle thing. Recently I've been working on a Megaman X fanfic. Regarding WtDwJ, I still like the idea, but towards the end I was starting to feel very dissatisfied with basically needing to have co-opted the OP's and Cydonia's RP's decision to bring in human-Loroi hybrids.

That, and BBCode is sodding terrible for writing long stories.

Jethreuel
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Re: What to Do with Jardin (Fan Fic)

Post by Jethreuel »

I am glad that you did update the Star Trek Fan Fic, and look forward to more of that, and this fan fic and look forward to reading your newest work.

entity2636
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Re: What to Do with Jardin (Fan Fic)

Post by entity2636 »

ShadowDragon8685 wrote:towards the end I was starting to feel very dissatisfied with basically needing to have co-opted the OP's and Cydonia's RP's decision to bring in human-Loroi hybrids.
Dunno, I think you handled the source material professionally and effectively closed the Hos'te Blec incident and Kamielle story arcs. Unless you have the entire story already scripted out and the hybrids are integral to it as in a Star Trek/Mass Effect sci-fi space opera, I don't see a reason to dwell on them as they do not appear to be part of the main plot. Indeed, there are more than enough directions you can take the story to from where it is now.

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sunphoenix
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Re: What to Do with Jardin (Fan Fic)

Post by sunphoenix »

entity2636 wrote:
ShadowDragon8685 wrote:towards the end I was starting to feel very dissatisfied with basically needing to have co-opted the OP's and Cydonia's RP's decision to bring in human-Loroi hybrids.
Dunno, I think you handled the source material professionally and effectively closed the Hos'te Blec incident and Kamielle story arcs. Unless you have the entire story already scripted out and the hybrids are integral to it as in a Star Trek/Mass Effect sci-fi space opera, I don't see a reason to dwell on them as they do not appear to be part of the main plot. Indeed, there are more than enough directions you can take the story to from where it is now.
I agree you took my posts for Sonnidezzi {Stormrage}.. and her Kamielle and "Snow White"..integrated them well and pretty much closed out that subplot of the story nicely.. you need not do anything more with them! I'm just happy my character.. my creation has been effectively enshrined somewhat in immortality for the Web-comic.. so a little piece of Outsider is mine now! That really fills me with an uncountable amount of joy! Thank you Shadowdragon!
PbP:
[IC] Deep Strike 'Lt' Kamielle Lynn
[IC] Cydonia Rising/Tempest Sonnidezi Stormrage
[IC] Incursion Maiannon Golden Hair
[IC] TdSmR Athen Rourke

"...you can't conquer a free man; the most you can do is Kill him."

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