[Fan Fiction] Notes and discussion for "A sword that wields itself"

[Urist]

Excellent, Stillstorm POV! Always a fun character to read. And with an update on how the war's going on the Union front, where it looks like they might have just pulled off their own Operation Uranus... hopefully.

[Cthulhu]

Excellent, Stillstorm POV! Always a fun character to read.

Thanks! She doesn't get much screen page-time in the comic, unfortunately. So I decided to make the Intermission from her POV, and added a little bit of "local superstition" flavor to our favorite Beleri pirate.

And with an update on how the war's going on the Union front, where it looks like they might have just pulled off their own Operation Uranus... hopefully.

They might, but only if the local forces could hold out until the main fleet arrives, which is still 4 jumps away.

By the way, what about your fanfic? Is everything going well, or was it confiscated by the Inquisition?

[Urist]

They might, but only if the local forces could hold out until the main fleet arrives, which is still 4 jumps away.

By the way, what about your fanfic? Is everything going well, or was it confiscated by the Inquisition?

Well in that case, Comrade Admiral Stillstorm, 'Not One Step Back!' (and good luck!)

Not related to this thread's storyShow

And I'm still working on my story, currently passing 70k words and about halfway through the plot. I've rolled in a few other ideas that I'd originally saved for other Outsider fanfics, so the plot grew a little bit beyond the original plan. I'm very much enjoying writing the down-to-earthdeinar loroi being frequently perplexed by the unending nonsense that is the 40k universe.

[Cthulhu]

Well in that case, Comrade Admiral Stillstorm, 'Not One Step Back!' (and good luck!)

Oh, she still has a bone carapace to pick with the Shells. There's no way Stillstorm will retreat.

Not related to this thread's storyShow

And I'm still working on my story, currently passing 70k words and about halfway through the plot. I've rolled in a few other ideas that I'd originally saved for other Outsider fanfics, so the plot grew a little bit beyond the original plan. I'm very much enjoying writing the down-to-earthdeinar loroi being frequently perplexed by the unending nonsense that is the 40k universe.

SpoilerShow

Yeah, the 40K universe is actually powered by nonsense, pathos and grimdark.

I'm also looking forward to seeing whether Tempo can outwit a demon of Tzeench. Or if the protagonist might see a Historian personality construct as an archeotech from the Dark Age of Technology, and freak out. Perhaps even rightfully so.

[Snoofman]

They might, but only if the local forces could hold out until the main fleet arrives, which is still 4 jumps away.

By the way, what about your fanfic? Is everything going well, or was it confiscated by the Inquisition?

Well in that case, Comrade Admiral Stillstorm, 'Not One Step Back!' (and good luck!)

Not related to this thread's storyShow

And I'm still working on my story, currently passing 70k words and about halfway through the plot. I've rolled in a few other ideas that I'd originally saved for other Outsider fanfics, so the plot grew a little bit beyond the original plan. I'm very much enjoying writing the down-to-earthdeinar loroi being frequently perplexed by the unending nonsense that is the 40k universe.

Looking forward to it!

[Cthulhu]

Okay, I'm back from vacation, and I've used the time to rewrite some stuff. It should be more condensed now, so to speak, as I've made sure to cut down on useless trivia.

[Urist]

Glad to see this story again! The "Our Azerein is cooler than your Azerein" bit of culture-clash between the loroi factions was fun, and I love how while the other Union loroi's reaction to the lotai-field was mostly horror and confusion, Fireblade's reaction was more along the lines of "Nah, I could have powered through that. I'm just built different."

And man, I feel bad for the local-Azerein. Imagine all the work she's put in over (likely) decades to get all the clans together for this big push that will mark a new era in history... only to be told at the last minute "Nah, don't bother, we've done all that for you already." It's like if Christopher Columbus time-warped on his trip and pulled into a busy modern-day Caribbean harbor where all the discovering has already been done. Poor lady's going to be downright heartbroken.

[Cthulhu]

Glad to see this story again!

Yeah, had a little bit of writer's block, but the vacation fixed that.

The "Our Azerein is cooler than your Azerein" bit of culture-clash between the loroi factions was fun, and I love how while the other Union loroi's reaction to the lotai-field was mostly horror and confusion, Fireblade's reaction was more along the lines of "Nah, I could have powered through that. I'm just built different."

For the Loroi, that null-psi must've felt a bit like this, I guess.

And man, I feel bad for the local-Azerein. Imagine all the work she's put in over (likely) decades to get all the clans together for this big push that will mark a new era in history... only to be told at the last minute "Nah, don't bother, we've done all that for you already." It's like if Christopher Columbus time-warped on his trip and pulled into a busy modern-day Caribbean harbor where all the discovering has already been done. Poor lady's going to be downright heartbroken.

Well, she wasn't the first one to try, and since her predecessors failed, there was no guarantee that she'd succeed.

Besides, this issue is precisely what Zarjow was hinting at. Would that Azerein put her people's welfare first, and accept their space-sister's offer? Or would she put her glory first, and reject it, even if it meant gambling her follower's lives in the war? Not that she has the option to proceed with the raid, but still.

[Urist]

For the Loroi, that null-psi must've felt a bit like this, I guess.

That's what makes Fireblade's non-reaction so funny!

Besides, this issue is precisely what Zarjow was hinting at. Would that Azerein put her people's welfare first, and accept their space-sister's offer? Or would she put her glory first, and reject it, even if it meant gambling her follower's lives in the war? Not that she has the option to proceed with the raid, but still.

Yup, I like that you've set that up. It makes this barbarian-Azerein's reaction plausible and understandable either way: if she goes along with "I guess we join the Union now" then she's a humble pragmatist doing what's best for her people; if she goes "Nah, I will be a Conqueror or I will be a Corpse!" then she's an understandably-flawed tragic villain.

[Snoofman]

I respect if you are reserving this for later in your story, but what are the Loroi Raiders' opinions of humans? Have they incorporated a few into their raider hordes? Are they distrustful of humans?

[Cthulhu]

That's what makes Fireblade's non-reaction so funny!

Arioch said that Fireblade's power level is really high, although she does lack fine control.

she's probably not the all-time top, but close to it.

Perhaps she could indeed break through, but since that wasn't an attack against them, she refrained from testing it out. Besides, even for a brute-force approach, you'd still need to know where to apply that force, and this technique is, well, alien.

Yup, I like that you've set that up. It makes this barbarian-Azerein's reaction plausible and understandable either way: if she goes along with "I guess we join the Union now" then she's a humble pragmatist doing what's best for her people; if she goes "Nah, I will be a Conqueror or I will be a Corpse!" then she's an understandably-flawed tragic villain.

Yep, she'll be a most tragic villain indeed, since the Ripley solution is still on the table.

I respect if you are reserving this for later in your story, but what are the Loroi Raiders' opinions of humans? Have they incorporated a few into their raider hordes? Are they distrustful of humans?

The Loroi horde is exclusively Loroi of course. The various clans don't exactly get along with each other, and must be unified by force, how can they trust someone they can't even read? Granted, the Warlord should have some plans how to integrate the populace once she takes the city, but whether that'll be slavery, or something else...

SpoilerShow

The inability to integrate the conquered populace was one of the main reasons all the previous attempts at establishing civilization failed.

[Urist]

Looks like the actual confrontation is coming up next! That should be fun. (or !!FUN!!) And I definitely like having Shining Sword's POV on things; that makes the mystery all the more neat.

A minor formatting quibble: the whole temporary jump into Zarjow's mind-scape was a bit jarring; maybe adding some form of tag to indicate a 'scene transition' would help? This forum base doesn't seem to support horizontal lines or even centered text, but something like a repeated character can help keep the reader following. (e.g. a single-line 'paragraph' consisting of '^^^' or '///' or '|||' or something that otherwise would not come up in writing.

[Cthulhu]

Looks like the actual confrontation is coming up next! That should be fun. (or !!FUN!!) And I definitely like having Shining Sword's POV on things; that makes the mystery all the more neat.

For the Warrior's POV, I've used the good ol' "what's a mystery for an outsider, is just some humbug for a native" trick.

A minor formatting quibble: the whole temporary jump into Zarjow's mind-scape was a bit jarring; maybe adding some form of tag to indicate a 'scene transition' would help? This forum base doesn't seem to support horizontal lines or even centered text, but something like a repeated character can help keep the reader following. (e.g. a single-line 'paragraph' consisting of '^^^' or '///' or '|||' or something that otherwise would not come up in writing.

Originally, this arc was stretched out over two more chapters, but I decided to rewrite it and throw out all the filler fluff. Perhaps that's the reason why the jump into the dreamscape intermission feels a bit jarring.

SpoilerShow

On the other hand, it being unexpected and distracting (for the protagonist) was my intention. Since she lacks sleep, and is preoccupied with too many things at once, (and multitasking isn't her forte), Emberwing took the information more or less at face value, without thinking too much about the implications. Or she simply shelved the matter for later. Which might be a mistake, because the dream meeting was an important piece of foreshadowing.

Anyway, I'll check it one more time.

[Snoofman]

Even if the Loroi Warlord agrees to the diplomats' demands, whether that be peaceful cooperation with the Sacred City or being transferred to a new home, surely the humans and Emberwing, and especially Tempo must be aware there is a risk that the barbarian hordes and their Warlord might pull a 'Geranimo' eventually.

[Cthulhu]

Even if the Loroi Warlord agrees to the diplomats' demands, whether that be peaceful cooperation with the Sacred City or being transferred to a new home, surely the humans and Emberwing, and especially Tempo must be aware there is a risk that the barbarian hordes and their Warlord might pull a 'Geranimo' eventually.

This might be within the realm of possibilities, but:
1. It'll be hard to conceal such intents with sanzai.
2. The barbarians are already living in an inhospitable desert
3. There's a huge tech gap: the Humans have blasters, combat drones, psionic powers, and orbital strikes. And the Loroi have Mizol.


Anyway, you might think, why aren't they spending more time on preparations? Well, for the Loroi, negotiations between them are usually quite straightforward. With sanzai, it's hard to beat around the bush. On the contrary, there's a good ol' Deinar custom to beat the opponent instead.

In the late modern Deinar period, Zaral was starting to lose influence to Arran's culture despite a dominant military and having largely won a series of proxy wars on the Western continent, so the Zaral leader just said "screw it" and invaded Arran proper. Zaral won handily, so no justification was needed other than victory.