[Fan Fiction] Notes and discussion for "A sword that wields itself"

[Snoofman]

I liked this chapter. So the truth is out from both parties. And I think you have cleverly presented a side of Alex that some readers here may not have fully realized yet; his potential for ruthless cunning. Or to be more precise, how far he is willing to go to win and what he is willing to sacrifice or compromise, either of himself or from others. Granted he is in a position of authority where one is expected to be cunning and capable of taking affirmative action.

While Alex is portrayed, or rather portrays himself, as the protagonist in the comic, I can see some level of ruthless cunning in him. Granted he is now in the middle of a war for survival in which sentiment and morals are not at the top of everybody's list. And not to say that Alex is malevolent or malicious, but I cannot help but wonder just how far even Alex is willing go to achieve victory, or simply get what he wants. Alex is not quite like typical protagonists. While most protagonists have their flaws, there is some redeemable quality that presents itself either alongside those flaws or matures by the end of the tale.

While I am holding out for Alex's virtue, I cannot help but wonder:

It seems that Alex has a problem with authority, as is indicated during his time on the Bellarmine in Prologue and during his interview with Hamilton. Which might be a sign that he wants to climb the ranks quickly and is frustrated that he is stuck with the plebes. He even states in Prologue that he doesn't want to take his superior's 'crap'. It even says on his persona page that he is ambitious, so clearly wants to climb to higher places.

Another point, Alex, despite his friendly nature to those he seems to trust or at least tolerates, seems easily provoked and quick to anger. When Alex is drifting following the destruction of Bellarmine, he seems on the verge of tears. While some would take the time to reminisce or be sentimental in such a situation, Alex vows a bloody oath of vengeance against the ones that destroyed his vessel. When faced with the destroyed remnants of the Bellarmine, Alex looks so enraged that he seems ready to murder someone. Unlike others who might typically look horrified or remorseful upon seeing such a scene. He also risks the Loroi's wrath on Tempest's bridge when he aggressively defends himself against their suspicions of him being an Umiak construct. Throughout the comic he feels tempted to voice his anger in front of others, like Fireblade. Only his diplomatic training stopping him from saying anything rash. Hell he even flips Fireblade off, which is certain to come back and bite him once Beryl starts inquiring about humanity hand gestures. So just how aggressive can Alex really get?

Next, Alex's capacity to deceive. Granted he is in a dangerous situation with no idea who to trust and must establish an alliance with the winner of the war to ensure humanity's survival. While Alex does not strike me as pathological, he is still clever. And I think the collective loroi, judging by how he stood his ground during his interview, and winning his first game of Crossfire with a loroi, may start to suspect that Alex has more talents than he cares to let on. Which, in the eyes of the loroi, could either make him quite useful or potentially dangerous. Concealing one's talents is wise, but it calls one's trustworthiness into question.

[Cthulhu]

I liked this chapter.

Thanks!

So the truth is out from both parties. And I think you have cleverly presented a side of Alex that some readers here may not have fully realized yet; his potential for ruthless cunning. Or to be more precise, how far he is willing to go to win and what he is willing to sacrifice or compromise, either of himself or from others. Granted he is in a position of authority where one is expected to be cunning and capable of taking affirmative action.

Alex is supposed to be some kind of genius, after all. Here, he's also far more experienced, can rely on his crew, and has the home advantage. His mission is still the same, though, to strike the best deal for Humanity.

While Alex is portrayed, or rather portrays himself, as the protagonist in the comic, I can see some level of ruthless cunning in him. Granted he is now in the middle of a war for survival in which sentiment and morals are not at the top of everybody's list. And not to say that Alex is malevolent or malicious, but I cannot help but wonder just how far even Alex is willing go to achieve victory, or simply get what he wants. Alex is not quite like typical protagonists. While most protagonists have their flaws, there is some redeemable quality that presents itself either alongside those flaws or matures by the end of the tale.

Instead of saying that he is cunning, I'd rather describe him as being capable of it, or having the potential to develop this quality later. Such a trait needs a lot of experience to be effective.

While I am holding out for Alex's virtue, I cannot help but wonder:

It seems that Alex has a problem with authority, as is indicated during his time on the Bellarmine in Prologue and during his interview with Hamilton. Which might be a sign that he wants to climb the ranks quickly and is frustrated that he is stuck with the plebes. He even states in Prologue that he doesn't want to take his superior's 'crap'. It even says on his persona page that he is ambitious, so clearly wants to climb to higher places.

He's only 20 years old, so I'm half inclined to say that he's still a "rebellious youth". Prioritizing being right over improving career chances doesn't seem like a very rational line of thought. Granted, his conviction that the Loroi must be the correct choice does benefit him right now.

Another point, Alex, despite his friendly nature to those he seems to trust or at least tolerates, seems easily provoked and quick to anger. When Alex is drifting following the destruction of Bellarmine, he seems on the verge of tears. While some would take the time to reminisce or be sentimental in such a situation, Alex vows a bloody oath of vengeance against the ones that destroyed his vessel. When faced with the destroyed remnants of the Bellarmine, Alex looks so enraged that he seems ready to murder someone. Unlike others who might typically look horrified or remorseful upon seeing such a scene. He also risks the Loroi's wrath on Tempest's bridge when he aggressively defends himself against their suspicions of him being an Umiak construct. Throughout the comic he feels tempted to voice his anger in front of others, like Fireblade. Only his diplomatic training stopping him from saying anything rash. Hell he even flips Fireblade off, which is certain to come back and bite him once Beryl starts inquiring about humanity hand gestures. So just how aggressive can Alex really get?

Those emotions are rather normal, given all the stress he was subjected to. He also doesn't know if the other scout ships were successful, and must continue his mission alone. A monumental task where the outcome may affect the survival chances of humanity, so the pressure must be immense. I'm impressed that he didn't snap just yet. Fortunately, now that he has a gun, he can relieve some stress.

Emberwing's sudden desire to confront Alexander might've been triggered by pent-up stress as well. Or maybe there's more?

Next, Alex's capacity to deceive. Granted he is in a dangerous situation with no idea who to trust and must establish an alliance with the winner of the war to ensure humanity's survival. While Alex does not strike me as pathological, he is still clever. And I think the collective loroi, judging by how he stood his ground during his interview, and winning his first game of Crossfire with a loroi, may start to suspect that Alex has more talents than he cares to let on. Which, in the eyes of the loroi, could either make him quite useful or potentially dangerous. Concealing one's talents is wise, but it calls one's trustworthiness into question.

I don't think that he put so much thought into what he can reveal. Even the Pocket Historian issued a clear warning, basically STFU. We don't know whether this was for Alex' or the construct's benefit, though.

[Bamax]

Sometimes less is more... readers can and indeed do often fill in the blanks.

For example when Emberwing is chatting with Loroi about the info Alex gave her, you could have just said then she paused or stumped... skipped all of the paragraph explaining her thoughts... and we STILL will know her thoughts because Beryl is going to ask anyway.


Otherwise things seem unnecessarily repetitive.

Other than that .. enjoyed the story progression.

I think overall it is a mistake to give hints as to character motives or what the plot may be to the reader constantly.

Like even saying perhaps Emberwing was motivated by survivor's guilt/vengeance... followed up by a concerned query of a Loroi.

We do not need to KNOW the thoughts of characters always to know the thoughts of characters... anymore than we do with a pet cat or dog.

Words and actions speak for themselves as do facial expressions, without explicitly saying the thought it is still known.

For example, I do not need to know the thoughts of an older guy who turns his head to track the movements of a trio of dyed blond skinny white teen girls walking around the mall.

What I do know is he must either find them attractive or interesting for some other reason (maybe they look familiar even though I think it's the first).

In a way, I would argue the surprise of NOT knowing what drives a character until it is beyond all doubt is more interesting than having it implied all along before it is ever shown.

This is basically telling versus showing... in this case showing I think would be better.

Telling is useful at times... but only for certain situations... telling what a charcter may ir may not be thinking constantly I think is folly though.

[Snoofman]

Sometimes less is more... readers can and indeed do often fill in the blanks…

… This is basically telling versus showing... in this case showing I think would be better.

Telling is useful at times... but only for certain situations... telling what a charcter may ir may not be thinking constantly I think is folly though.

Well things seemed to calm down pretty quickly between Emberwing and Alex. Though the delay in receiving Zolutchi Info gave me pause to worry.

Hey Bamax, I dont quite understand. How would you show rather than tell? What’s the difference when it comes to writing?

[Bamax]

Sometimes less is more... readers can and indeed do often fill in the blanks…

… This is basically telling versus showing... in this case showing I think would be better.

Telling is useful at times... but only for certain situations... telling what a charcter may ir may not be thinking constantly I think is folly though.

Well things seemed to calm down pretty quickly between Emberwing and Alex. Though the delay in receiving Zolutchi Info gave me pause to worry.

Hey Bamax, I dont quite understand. How would you show rather than tell? What’s the difference when it comes to writing?

Me?

I use examples of writing here in the fanfics.

In order to show rather than tell what Emberwing or any other character is thinking without telling the reader what they are thinking a writer can use various techniques.


Several but not limited to this:

1. Use dialogue/conversatioj between characters tp hint at their thoughts while not directly telling the reader what their thoughts are.

2. Your visual imagination is your ally not your enemy. Don't let it be a stranger. IRL just looking at people is enough to know how they feel in the moment, along with their actions. For example I was walking in the gym today and I moved to cross paths with an oncoming guy.

He seemed to move sideways in my direction so stepped sideways again away to which he once again stepped im my direction.

At that point he smiled and greeted me... though a complete stranger, because he was joking with me.

Visualize your characters and show their reactions if you want to indicate thoughts and feelings without telling them.

3. There is a time and place for telling rather than showing, but doing it with characters and plot often I believe is a mistake.

[Cthulhu]

SpoilerShow

Sometimes less is more... readers can and indeed do often fill in the blanks.

For example when Emberwing is chatting with Loroi about the info Alex gave her, you could have just said then she paused or stumped... skipped all of the paragraph explaining her thoughts... and we STILL will know her thoughts because Beryl is going to ask anyway.


Otherwise things seem unnecessarily repetitive.

Other than that .. enjoyed the story progression.

I think overall it is a mistake to give hints as to character motives or what the plot may be to the reader constantly.

Like even saying perhaps Emberwing was motivated by survivor's guilt/vengeance... followed up by a concerned query of a Loroi.

We do not need to KNOW the thoughts of characters always to know the thoughts of characters... anymore than we do with a pet cat or dog.

Words and actions speak for themselves as do facial expressions, without explicitly saying the thought it is still known.

For example, I do not need to know the thoughts of an older guy who turns his head to track the movements of a trio of dyed blond skinny white teen girls walking around the mall.

What I do know is he must either find them attractive or interesting for some other reason (maybe they look familiar even though I think it's the first).

In a way, I would argue the surprise of NOT knowing what drives a character until it is beyond all doubt is more interesting than having it implied all along before it is ever shown.

This is basically telling versus showing... in this case showing I think would be better.

Telling is useful at times... but only for certain situations... telling what a charcter may ir may not be thinking constantly I think is folly though.

1. I've included Emberwing's inner monologue partially because you've told me that you couldn't understand why she trusted Alex all of a sudden. Granted, this could be due to the previous hints being too obscure. Finally, this inner monologue might serve another reason, you know?
2. I include a short comment on what the characters are doing for two reasons. First, because this is a fanfic of a comic, so the visual component should be more prominent. Second, this detail is added in lieu of a more in-depth description of the sanzai sub-channel. For my next fanfic, I'll explore this matter in depth.

This story arc was already shortened up by quite a lot. I've thrown out another dream meeting, and skipped some build-up.

Well things seemed to calm down pretty quickly between Emberwing and Alex. Though the delay in receiving Zolutchi Info gave me pause to worry.

Maybe because Alex achieved some sort of goal? As to the delay, it is indeed worrying.

[Kensai]

Interesting developments.... I look forward to seeing more and to how the Human warships deal with the Shells.

[Cthulhu]

Interesting developments.... I look forward to seeing more and to how the Human warships deal with the Shells.

Those warships are still far away, so the protagonists have to deal with the problems by themselves.

[Snoofman]

I am curious about the fantasy segment of the Priestess seeking a hero to fill the void. But confused. Is this another fantasy segment? Or is this some new piece of Terran history?

[Cthulhu]

I am curious about the fantasy segment of the Priestess seeking a hero to fill the void.

She simply interprets her visions as a hint to create a hero or a champion figure to boost morale. Is she right? Was this actually "God's" intention? Who knows...

But confused.

This was my intention.
However, half of the confusion probably stems from the fact that the last part of this subplot was posted months ago.

Is this another fantasy segment? Or is this some new piece of Terran history?

The intermissions are always from a different point of view. This particular subplot may not be quite obvious as to where or when it happens. But if you compare the vantage points, so to speak, you may find a hint. Anyway, if I include something in the story, then it will play some sort of role sooner or later, so its significance will become obvious by then.

SpoilerShow

And no, it's not Earth. Maybe it's not even real?

[gigachad]

Another great chapter, the question is, is the strength of the human navy comparable to an union in this setting?

[Cthulhu]

Another great chapter, the question is, is the strength of the human navy comparable to an union in this setting?

The humans in my story are now in the year 2294 (vs.2158 in the comic). They are more advanced than the Loroi or Umiak, perhaps comparable or slightly below Historian tech level, at least in some parts (reactionless drive, plasma cannons). But their fleet numbers are still nowhere enough to win against the Hierarchy in an all-out war.

The Union, on the other hand, could perhaps hope for a draw. After all, while less numerous, the Human ships would be invisible to farsight, significantly faster, and even sporting more firepower and range. This is purely theoretic, however, since the Loroi are currently in no shape to even think about yet another war.

[Snoofman]

The loroi are about to try a group effort in telepathically linking with humans? I cannot help but feel this is risky. If just one loroi happens to slip something sensitive, like a certain Armor Historian…

[Cthulhu]

The loroi are about to try a group effort in telepathically linking with humans? I cannot help but feel this is risky.

Not exactly, Alex is merely extending an offer. What is he up to, and will the Loroi even accept it? It is indeed very dangerous, but for the Loroi, enabling a sanzai channel may be worth the risks. With it, it would be possible to sense if the Humans are lying, or at least, when they are trying to conceal something. Not much to go by, I guess, yet it's not like they have other means of verification. Especially since that puppet-thing dropped quite the bomb on them. Myths, government conspiracies, lizard-people, and

SpoilerShow

look at the release date !

Also, for the Loroi, sanzai is their primary means of communication. Speech, on the other hand, is like having to write whatever you wish to say on a chalkboard, and then show it to your conversation partner. This is awkward, to say the least, and since they have encountered another race of telepaths, the prospect of communicating with them in the proper way is quite tempting.

If just one loroi happens to slip something sensitive, like a certain Armor Historian…

Bold of you to assume that the Humans don't know about their little guest. That thing could've already sold out the Loroi, for all we know.

[Snoofman]

Dude now it’s really intriguing.

I can’t help but suspect that Alex and the humans performed some sort of secret telepathic imprint/analysis in anticipation of their dreamscape Zulotchi ritual, while performing their would-be farsensing test.

I cannot help but wonder now if humanity in this setting, or at least the telepathic overlords, are not so benevolent after all. Would be heartbreaking if Alex turns out to be the bad guy.

[Cthulhu]

Dude now it’s really intriguing.

That's just the beginning. The lengthy build-up, which Mr. bamax complained about, is now almost over. I've even shortened it up a bit, perhaps by half a chapter.

I can’t help but suspect that Alex and the humans performed some sort of secret telepathic imprint/analysis in anticipation of their dreamscape Zulotchi ritual, while performing their would-be farsensing test.

But, are dreams always so straightforward in their meaning? It could've been a metaphor, an omen, or just some utter nonsense jumbled together from multiple sources. After all, the Loroi on board are not well-versed in dream interpretations. This would require a very rare kind of psionic specialist, and those won't be stationed anywhere near the front lines.

I cannot help but wonder now if humanity in this setting, or at least the telepathic overlords, are not so benevolent after all. Would be heartbreaking if Alex turns out to be the bad guy.

Oh, they are quite benevolent. Actually, I've determined their "stats", so to speak, through a number of dice rolls. While the exact values are classified for plot purposes, I can assure you that my Humans are not evil. Well, not more evil than any other Empire, there cannot be a truly "good" one. The only question is, are the Loroi included in this benevolence, and on what terms? Since this is a story reversal scenario, it is told from the Loroi point of view.

[Snoofman]

Yes, it would need a true monster to fight against another one.

I can almost guess what this 'monster' entails.

I liked this Intermission segment. And cannot help but detect the hint of allegory and how this Priestess' tail reflects our current heroes' predicament.

[Cthulhu]

I can almost guess what this 'monster' entails.

Can you really?

I liked this Intermission segment. And cannot help but detect the hint of allegory and how this Priestess' tail reflects our current heroes' predicament.

An allegory is certainly an interesting way to describe this Intermission. Well, all this parallel world-building has to lead somewhere, right? Sooner or later, the various story paths need to come together. Otherwise, what's the reason to have them in the first place…

[gigachad]

Another good chapter, does the historian's construct play both sides to its advantage? are the systems of the human ship capable of detecting it, or at least localizing it?

[Snoofman]

Another good chapter, does the historian's construct play both sides to its advantage? are the systems of the human ship capable of detecting it, or at least localizing it?

With humanity's current investment in AI development and needing software experts that can interpret code, it would not surprise me if the humans have detected an anomaly in their systems.

If the historian construct were playing both sides, what would it profit from it? Another competitor out of the way? Historians might be xenophobic and have a small empire of their own, but they don't seem collectively hellbent on galactic conquest. Or am I wrong?

In fact, in the original comic story, hasn't it already been proposed by somebod(y/ies) that the Historians are playing both Umiak and Loroi? The only logical conclusion to me in regards to such a theory is that the Historians are trying to get both sides to wipe each other out. But then again the Historians seem very worried of the Umiak encroaching on their territory and are willing to risk sharing their weapons with the loroi just to push back the Hierarchy. Weapons which could eventually be used against the Historians if the Loroi became so inclined.