So, I guess the Humans joined the Hierarchy as battle thralls? It keeps getting more interesting for the readers, but more confusing for poor Beryl. I wonder where Alex is getting those impressions from, perhaps a holovid? Space elves in distress II.
I'm positive that Alex and Beryl will manage to avoid the soldiers in the Nightmare and nothing more will be revealed about them
Picking on Beryl may be a guilty pleasure in this story... On the bright side, she cannot remember the nightmare outside of it so it shouldn't be too much of an issue for her faith in Humanity. Hopefully it is in service to the story and not to its detriment.
Well, it's a bit fast, but it's still believable enough, since stress can lower inhibitions and Tempo is likely to pull any dirty trick, even ordering Beryl to attempt seduction. Not that she would mind.
Civilian clothes for warriors, though? Now that's completely ridiculous.
I should mention (at the risk of ruining any reader's fantasies on the scene) that I pictured the special uniforms as fairly similar to the Loroi skinsuit, though thinner and with a less utilitarian cut as well as a different color scheme. My idea is that they are used for the courting/interview process with the caretaker (and possibly the male), not for the mating encounter. The Loroi are feeling embarrassed - Alex probably has not noticed much (or understood it at least).
I should mention (at the risk of ruining any reader's fantasies on the scene) that I pictured the special uniforms as fairly similar to the Loroi skinsuit, though thinner and with a less utilitarian cut as well as a different color scheme. My idea is that they are used for the courting/interview process with the caretaker (and possibly the male), not for the mating encounter. The Loroi are feeling embarrassed - Alex probably has not noticed much (or understood it at least).
I'm simply not getting the reason for this whole matter. There's no real need to order them to dress differently, and if Alex doesn't get the joke, it's also not particularly funny. For security reasons, it should've been enough to station guards at the entrance of the male compound.
Are the soldiers at least sufficiently scary, maybe they even follow Alex' religion and therefore, look like that, or even this.
Those are far more horrifying than anything I thought of
They look like your basic bush mercenaries - probably an image that hasn't changed since the 70's (not that Beryl would realize that): somewhat sloppy and informal camoflage "uniform" with a web harness for his gear. He probably had a "vintage" pistol or an AK that he discarded somewhere nearby that Beryl overlooked - the two notable things are the knife, which looks very new and well-maintained compared to his gear, and the radio, which looks like a higher technology level than the other gear - it has a digital touch screen, for instance.
I'm simply not getting the reason for this whole matter. There's no real need to order them to dress differently, and if Alex doesn't get the joke, it's also not particularly funny. For security reasons, it should've been enough to station guards at the entrance of the male compound.
My thinking is that Sunfury is overreacting to the situation, though it is somewhat understandable: Beryl is going under a lotai that no one can pierce every time she goes to sleep and Beryl has synchronized her sleep schedule to Alex's (and so is sleeping more than a Loroi should). I tend to take the view that Alex's lotai is something truly exceptional to the loroi - for instance, Fireblade and Tempo have incredible mental defenses (that feel different from each other) but they can still be easily sensed (except if Tempo has already gotten inside the head of the victim and thus can redirect/suppress those thoughts - but in that case, the victim is already at Tempo's mercy). Tempo will be busy convincing Sunfury and Opal that only Beryl is affected and it is more important to cultivate Alex's bond with Beryl than to risk playing it safe given the current state of the war.
The joke is more for the readers - but maybe I am forcing it in a bit too much. Maybe I should have thought this part through a bit more when outlining but I hit a point when I just wanted to get feedback so I could improve writing any future stories that I may think of.
My my! Kaetlin is a jealous one ain't she?! Good thing it's just a dream, or Lynne (Beryl) would be forced to dodge bullets while paddling up shit creek!
If Kaetlin is part of Alex's past before shipping out to Union territory, I'll bet Alex's feelings in the now and marital obligations are about to get complicated. That'll be especially tough if anymore loroi try to make a pass at him.
My my! Kaetlin is a jealous one ain't she?! Good thing it's just a dream, or Lynne (Beryl) would be forced to dodge bullets while paddling up shit creek!
If Kaetlin is part of Alex's past before shipping out to Union territory, I'll bet Alex's feelings in the now and marital obligations are about to get complicated. That'll be especially tough if anymore loroi try to make a pass at him.
"Would you believe that I ended up with a harem of loroi women in the interests of interstellar peace?" - Last words of Alex Jardin
In fairness, Kaetlin did say she would shoot Alex first and might not shoot the woman involved - it would likely depend on if the woman knew that Alex was already committed. Though know that Beryl knows this might be an issue, does she need to ask Alex? Beryl has not discussed how such relationships work for either species and she might get even more abuse from her fellows if she ruins their fantasies - maybe she can delegate that discussion to Tempo as a matter of delicate diplomacy? Probably not since she is the caretaker (though Tempo might be willing to take on that role for his relations) - but Beryl might worry that Tempo would lie to Beryl to hook her up with Alex?
Thanks for the comment - I loved writing this story knowing this was part of it.
My my! Kaetlin is a jealous one ain't she?! Good thing it's just a dream, or Lynne (Beryl) would be forced to dodge bullets while paddling up shit creek!
If Kaetlin is part of Alex's past before shipping out to Union territory, I'll bet Alex's feelings in the now and marital obligations are about to get complicated. That'll be especially tough if anymore loroi try to make a pass at him.
"Would you believe that I ended up with a harem of loroi women in the interests of interstellar peace?" - Last words of Alex Jardin
In fairness, Kaetlin did say she would shoot Alex first and might not shoot the woman involved - it would likely depend on if the woman knew that Alex was already committed. Though know that Beryl knows this might be an issue, does she need to ask Alex? Beryl has not discussed how such relationships work for either species and she might get even more abuse from her fellows if she ruins their fantasies - maybe she can delegate that discussion to Tempo as a matter of delicate diplomacy? Probably not since she is the caretaker (though Tempo might be willing to take on that role for his relations) - but Beryl might worry that Tempo would lie to Beryl to hook her up with Alex?
Thanks for the comment - I loved writing this story knowing this was part of it.
I remember a fan art piece of Tempo orchestrating Alex and Beryl like puppets to get them to become more intimate. Do you think Tempo in the actual Outsider story is pulling strings in the shadows to get Beryl, or even Fireblde since she seems to be the only Loroi he has bonded with, to become more intimate in order to get Alex to drop his guard?
I remember a fan art piece of Tempo orchestrating Alex and Beryl like puppets to get them to become more intimate. Do you think Tempo in the actual Outsider story is pulling strings in the shadows to get Beryl, or even Fireblde since she seems to be the only Loroi he has bonded with, to become more intimate in order to get Alex to drop his guard?
I'll preface by warning everyone it has been a few years since I've read through Outsider and I think I'm pretty bad at figuring out the motivations in the webcomic.
In the webcomic, I think Tempo has already been manipulating Alex and the Loroi - for example, Beryl falling asleep in time to divert Alex from a line of questioning. And having Alex go meet Talon and Spiral and get more information on the tactical situation both helps get him (and the readers) information on what is going on but also shows how he interacts with the different Loroi. I think Tempo is using Spiral, Talon and Beryl to see what information he gives out since they can be less formal with him and he is less intimidated by their position. Reed and Flint cannot be too friendly since they are his guards. I think the same holds for Fireblade plus Alex not seeming to like her - I don't have any real idea on how Fireblade feels about Alex, though I tend to think she is not as hostile to him as the general forum perceives. It would be funny if Tempo is actually doing her best to hold the tenoin and listel back to prevent them from offending Alex or fighting among themselves (if Alex insists on pair-bonding). My only other thought is that I think that Tempo and Fireblade made sure they slept away from Alex while on the shuttle - probably both so the others can bond with Alex and for safety.
Really interesting chapters dealing with Alex' backstory. A bit drawn out, but still good. Kaetlin getting jealous was pretty realistic.
But Listel serving Teidars? I'd guess they would be assigned to the Mizol instead, and the Teidars would get some combat-oriented Soroin?
Also, poor Gary got done in by the curse. Did he open an ancient tomb or angered some wrathful psychic?
Thank you for the feedback.
My idea with the Listel serving Teidars was that it was more of a very brief "get the castes out of their element" team bonding/hazing type of deal - it seems to me that a fair amount of the Soroin end up working pretty close with the Teidar in the normal operation of the Tempest. I didn't think the whole scheme through, so I'm not sure what other pairings would happen or if it makes sense.
I'm sure Gary's death was just an unfortunate accident (probably brought on by the stress of worrying about it) and nothing more will come up from it
Alex really took a risk to tell Beryl the truth. even in the comic I think Alex feels scared and conflicted about it. And realises that it's hard to determine who is more trustworthy: the pocket Historian or the loroi?
It seems totally reasonable seeing how Beryl reacted upon learning the truth. Any other loroi might have lost it! Then again it seems that trust is a big deal for the loroi since they are direct and truthful. But despite her amazing intelligence, she is technically still young and perhaps impulsively naive. So she is probably struggling to understand Alex's reasoning and secrecy.
Alex really took a risk to tell Beryl the truth. even in the comic I think Alex feels scared and conflicted about it. And realises that it's hard to determine who is more trustworthy: the pocket Historian or the loroi?
It seems totally reasonable seeing how Beryl reacted upon learning the truth. Any other loroi might have lost it! Then again it seems that trust is a big deal for the loroi since they are direct and truthful. But despite her amazing intelligence, she is technically still young and perhaps impulsively naive. So she is probably struggling to understand Alex's reasoning and secrecy.
Keep up the good work!
Thank you for the comment - glad you enjoyed it!
I agree that in the comic, Alex still has quite a way to go to trust the loroi and wants more sources of information - hopefully I did a decent job of bridging those gaps in my story. Being able to sanzai with Beryl (and his general relationship with her) should help overcome his concerns about what he is being told.
One could also cynically assume that he did not think he could keep the pocket Historian a secret now that his lotai can be breached and would rather get the information out voluntarily than have the loroi find him out on their own. I really debated what to do with the pocket Historian - I considered just ignoring it but decided this was a good way to address it. Though I definitely want to see how Alex uses the pocket Historian in the webcomic.
Well, I don't know about Alex revealing the matter about the Pocket Historian to the Loroi. It seems way too fast, far too honest, and keeping an ace up the sleeve would be a much better idea. Or disposing of it quietly, at least.
Also, he's a milk drinker now! Will he learn Shouts telekinesis next?
Well, I don't know about Alex revealing the matter about the Pocket Historian to the Loroi. It seems way too fast, far too honest, and keeping an ace up the sleeve would be a much better idea. Or disposing of it quietly, at least.
Also, he's a milk drinker now! Will he learn Shouts telekinesis next?
Thanks for the feedback - I mostly didn't want to deal with the Pocket Historian, but maybe I should have given more time for Alex to sanzai with Beryl first and come to trust her at least.
I think that I mostly agree. The argument I would make in support is that Alex might not trust that he has a way to dispose of the Pocket Historian quietly - at least without scrapping the datapad which, as far as he knows, is the last copy of data that the Humans brought with them since the shuttle was abandoned (though I don't think I covered what the Loroi transferred to the Prophet's Reason). Several forum members viewed the Pocket Historian as making Alex complicit in betraying the Loroi just by his knowing about it, so Alex could decide that honesty is the best policy, particularly if his lotai can be bypassed or if he worries he cannot conceal it during his sessions with Beryl. Not sure he needs to make that choice now or that he has enough reasons to choose the way he did, but that was my thinking.
The tension builds up. So Beryl now knows the motivations and reasons for the TCA's push to contact the loroi, and umiak. This may very well compel the loroi to question and grill Alex for answers about where his loyalties lie. If they get aggressive, it might make Alex reconsider choosing the loroi over the umiak. Can't wait to see how the other loroi will react once they learn the truth. Both in the fanfic and the comic.
I would hope (for their sake, and humanity's) that the loroi would understand that humanity did not know enough to make a decision before they met either side and would not be too harsh on Alex. On the other hand, Beryl isn't always as logical as she would like to be around Alex. Though Tempo would likely intervene (probably with more apologies) - I assume in the webcomic that Tempo is still in charge of the diplomacy with Alex and is instructing the other loroi to some extent. Although I wonder what would happen with their relationship if Beryl starts to think of Alex as a mizol?
God I hate Claude so f#€"ing much! A real monster from the id! I just want to smash his face in with a baseball bat.
Despite being trained to be warriors, loroi may very well not be prepared for the darker sides of human nature. Especially since loroi males are reputed to be unaggressive. Claude may be a product of Alex's subconscious, but I hope Beryl gets some payback. Although, since Claude is part of Alex's dream, I wonder if that is Alex expressing his frustration with Beryl in an indirect way.
Did Alex have some unpleasant memory of Claude or hear a rumour that he forced himself on someone? Which could explain why Claude forced himself on Beryl?
Despite being trained to be warriors, loroi may very well not be prepared for the darker sides of human nature. Especially since loroi males are reputed to be unaggressive. Claude may be a product of Alex's subconscious, but I hope Beryl gets some payback. Although, since Claude is part of Alex's dream, I wonder if that is Alex expressing his frustration with Beryl in an indirect way.
Did Alex have some unpleasant memory of Claude or hear a rumour that he forced himself on someone? Which could explain why Claude forced himself on Beryl?
I think this sort of violence is a blindspot for the loroi, though I do not believe that humans are more violent/warlike than the loroi either for this story or for the webcomic.
My kneejerk reaction is that if Claude is some kind of subconscious reaction to Beryl, he needs some therapy, but that is an overreaction on my part. After all, humans are used to their thoughts being private and not able to hurt anyone. Alex would almost certainly feel guilty if he knew he had actually hurt Beryl, even without realizing he did.
I think Alex was friendly with Claude in the Academy, passing off any issues with him as Claude having a temper. There were some rumors going around the Academy (mostly the female cadets) that Alex would have heard, but I don't think Alex was aware of anything specific about Claude, just rumors that women should stay away from him. The lack of knowing might have caused Alex to imagine a much worse outcome than what was rumored about Claude.
While I won't tell you how to write your fanfic, the last part was somewhat pointless, except for showing that this Claude guy should be castrated. With a pair of rusty pliers.
Anton Chekhov wrote:Remove everything that has no relevance to the story. If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. If it's not going to be fired, it shouldn't be hanging there.
Some argue that abiding by this "Chekhov's gun" rule would make a story bland, but it is meant for significant elements, not smaller details that give writing its flavor. Your story is somewhat slow-paced, but even then, this disco part was far too long to demonstrate something seemingly unrelated to the plot.
Thank you for the feedback! Pacing (and perhaps the whole plot in general) are things I'm working on. I have a plan for the story, though it might not be good one.
Among other things, the goal of that part was to get everyone to hate Claude, so that part worked. Is your issue the length of Chapter 12 part 2 or that the whole part seems unrelated to the rest of the plot?
Thank you for the feedback! Pacing (and perhaps the whole plot in general) are things I'm working on. I have a plan for the story, though it might not be good one.
Among other things, the goal of that part was to get everyone to hate Claude, so that part worked. Is your issue the length of Chapter 12 part 2 or that the whole part seems unrelated to the rest of the plot?
Don't sell yourself short. All writers seem to worry about how good their story sounds, but you won't know until you publish/post it. And learn from it. A lot of novels have subplots that steer away from the main plot and they seem to do just fine. Look at Game of Thrones. There were plenty of subplots and minor characters unrelated to the war between the Lannisters and Starks and audiences still ate it up. In Leviathan's Wake, the story constantly changes between Miller and Holden, exploring both characters personal lives with characters that either hung on with the story or just made brief appearances.
My my! Kaetlin is a jealous one ain't she?! Good thing it's just a dream, or Lynne (Beryl) would be forced to dodge bullets while paddling up shit creek!