Dreaming of the Garden Discussion Thread

[Cthulhu]

The whole joke of page 115 is that Alex' full name means Guardian of the Garden, but the way his rank (Ensign) is pronounced is Enzin, which also means Guardian in Trade. Therefore, we might conclude that calling each other with a shortened name/nickname is considered "uncommonly friendly" for the Loroi.
How about Enzin for Talon and Spiral, Captain for Tempo, [a telepathic expletive] for Fireblade and a very awkward "Alex" for Beryl?

P.S. Also, which of Alex' zippers did she get into?

[inxsi]

It's been a while since I've read that far back (beyond reference for some scenes)

I'm leaning towards Tempo using Alexander in sanzai unless she wants to stress his position (then it will be Captain or Ambassador, whichever seems most advantageous), and Captain when speaking out loud. I'm sure that the only way Talon and Spiral stop using Enzin is if he gives them something more intimate to use (or an extremely unlikely event that they anger him enough that he asks them to stop). I'm not really sure for Beryl - my thoughts are she would like to call him Enzin but does not think she has the right due to him granting that permission only to Talon and Spiral and due to her role as his caretaker, but that is just a guess. And maybe she would rather distance him from the dream that she had? Which would argue for Captain Jardin or Alexander, I suppose - my guess is she doesn't like ambassadors for the same reason she doesn't like Tempo.

For Fireblade, she's the one I have the least read on so everything is purely my interpretation (which probably also shades into what works for the story - writing with other people's characters is hard). I think that her using Alexander fits how I view her for this story - you can read it in a sneering tone if you want

For the zippers - he's wearing the "alien underwear" with shorts underneath so I doubt she is getting too close to what she really wants even if she is being thorough in assessing the entire zipper on his outer suit. At least that might distract her from finding what is in his pocket, or maybe the others restrained her from getting too hands on (or were too busy egging on her on with the main zipper)?

[Cthulhu]

I think that for sanzai, Alexander or Captain Jardin is indeed fine. Especially since it is supposed to transmit a much more detailed meaning of the word. Therefore, you have all the freedom that you need.

Beryl: Is that a Historian in your pocket, or are you happy to "touch hands" with me?

[inxsi]

Wanted to avoid too many cliffhangers while posting this one.

Commentary on chapter 3 part 3

SpoilerShow

I spent hours looking at the map for the system after the deep jump trying to convince myself that Mozin's plan to link up with the Highland-7 would work. I never managed to but decided to go with it since I didn't want everyone to be stuck on the shuttle for the whole story and couldn't come up with anything better.

[Cthulhu]

The hookup is a bit of a stretch, but if we assume that the Shells never came to pick up the shuttle and that it seemed to drift towards the Azimol jump point, it might work, given enough time.

Your portrayal of the zero-G transfer is good, and the cliffhanger is well-placed.

[inxsi]

Yeah, I wasn't really thrilled with the options I saw. I thought of using the Azimol jump point, but ended up using this one for a plot point (which maybe isn't very good... I'll see what people think after it and could rewrite it to use the Azimol jump point). I didn't think the umiak would end up searching all of the debris, so my assumption was that they took up a position short of the jump zone and the Prophet's Reason skirted the edge of the system to hook up with the shuttle deep in the jump zone. The umiak did not chase initially since they were securing the zone and knew that the Clearbrook had already jumped. Maybe they made bad decisions due to jump sickness?

Thanks for the feedback on the transfer - I wasn't sure how that would come across, especially with Beryl stuck inside for most of it (though it saved me having to write a bunch of it ).

[Snoofman]

Can’t wait to see the next chapter. Is Rose a civilian?

[Dan Wyatt]

Can’t wait to see the next chapter. Is Rose a civilian?

She's a Mizol

[inxsi]

Rose is a mizol, one rank below Tempo. I think she is probably fairly young and was given an inflated rank because she is being posted among the barsam. I'm not sure if the loroi would post anyone to such a position, but I imagine it is not a very coveted position - alone among non-loroi. I think all of the civilians have been pulled well back from the lines by this point, unless there are any critical to the war effort.

The next part is up - hope everyone enjoys and I'm not overloading people with too much reading.

[Cthulhu]

The next part is up - hope everyone enjoys and I'm not overloading people with too much reading.

Too much reading? Nope, as long as it's good (and it is), keep it coming.

Also, more of the Leviathan that loves to plant madness into the minds of men (and Loroi)! Do we get to see its abominable form?

[inxsi]

Thanks for the feedback!

On seeing the Leviathan:

SpoilerShow

We probably won't get to see the form of the Leviathan. I think it only wants to bend the minds of Beryl and Alex and not risk breaking them too much. Also, it keeps the air of mystery going and I'm not sure how I would end up describing it without disappointing people.

I'm debating having Alex tell Beryl in the waking world to call him Alex instead of Alexander - judging by the dream with Ellen he is more used to being called that by friends. I'm not sure how much easier it is for Beryl to pronounce though. I just realized that everyone else has managed to avoid having to say the X sound out loud - maybe he'll have to give her permission to call him Enzin instead?

[Cthulhu]

Going through the comic for my fanfic yet again, I spotted a page where he already gave Beryl the permission to call him Alex.

This was before the "Loroi pile" and therefore, before the dream sequence. But it will be quite awkward for her to call him that now, I guess? This might be a good plot point however, where Alex realizes that something is going on with the Loroi.

About the Leviathan:

There are no coincidences, mortalShow

Funny thing is, right now I'm writing the next Intermission, and it will also feature a "God" of sorts.

[inxsi]

I really need to reread the comic - I remember loving that page when it came out but I forgot all about it (Beryl just looks so happy in the last panel).

You're right - that would have happened (I didn't get up to the loroi pile when I started planning this - I'm pretty sure I started planning before they started telling each other stories before going to sleep but it was obvious they were going to sleep at some point).

I'll probably retcon that Beryl was calling him Alex most of this time with maybe only one or two slips. Alex might get suspicious from that. I'm sure Tempo was informed about calling him Alex (if nothing else, I'm sure Beryl trash-sanzai'd Talon about it but most likely kept everyone informed) and she would insist that Beryl calls him Alex in speech just so he doesn't... of all the things that would be an issue for this story, I did not think what they called Alex would be it.

For the Leviathan:

SpoilerShow

I look forward to seeing it.

[Cthulhu]

I really need to reread the comic - I remember loving that page when it came out but I forgot all about it (Beryl just looks so happy in the last panel).

She increased the affinity with her pet/research subject/xenophilia fetish, what's not to like?

You're right - that would have happened (I didn't get up to the loroi pile when I started planning this - I'm pretty sure I started planning before they started telling each other stories before going to sleep but it was obvious they were going to sleep at some point).

Wait, does that mean that this dream sequence happens before the Loroi pile? Or instead of it? I'm somewhat confused about the timeline here. Or does your story diverge from the comic even before that part?

Of all the things that would be an issue for this story, I did not think what they called Alex would be it.

This simply means that the other things are not really an issue.

[inxsi]

You're right - that would have happened (I didn't get up to the loroi pile when I started planning this - I'm pretty sure I started planning before they started telling each other stories before going to sleep but it was obvious they were going to sleep at some point).

Wait, does that mean that this dream sequence happens before the Loroi pile? Or instead of it? I'm somewhat confused about the timeline here. Or does your story diverge from the comic even before that part?

My story diverges a bit before that - I had them go to bed right after the gift-giving in page 164. I assumed they ate after that and went to bed with none of the discussion that happened after that page.

Of all the things that would be an issue for this story, I did not think what they called Alex would be it.

This simply means that the other things are not really an issue.

True enough. And there's still plenty of time to have other issues.

[Cthulhu]

The Barsam is acting quite suspicious, did he perchance receive some guidance that he cannot reveal to the unbelievers? Is the accidental deep jump the only thing he was worried about and where did Mozin try to jump to, anyway?

Also, that traitorous coward from the Clearbrook is in for a surprise. An angry red-hairded one:

Telekinesis intensifiesShow

[inxsi]

Mozin was trying to jump to Gora and is confused as to how they ended up in Azimol (they were not lined up very well for the jump). The officer from the Clearbrook sent a message when the Clearbrook arrived in Gora that the shuttle had not made it and no one else would be coming through the jump point due to the umiak.

[Snoofman]

If they were not lined up, then that either means they were just inches away from being flung into space forever... or someone has messed with the controls. Someone they cannot see...

Excellent chapter and way to build up the tension of the room between Mozin and the loroi.

[inxsi]

If they were not lined up, then that either means they were just inches away from being flung into space forever... or someone has messed with the controls. Someone they cannot see...

Excellent chapter and way to build up the tension of the room between Mozin and the loroi.

I don't think there would have been time for someone to line them up since their vector would have needed to shift and they would still have ended up in Gora, not in Azimol. Mozin ended up jumping because the torpedoes were getting too close or he would have taken some more time to correct it. He figured that Alex was dead if he did not try to rescue (since the umiak would occupy the system for longer than their air would hold out) - I'm not sure that that is correct according to the lore of the comic, but didn't want them stuck in the shuttle all story.

Latest part is posted - time for Alex to learn about other species. Hopefully I didn't mess the lore up too badly.

[Cthulhu]

Well, the lore is a bit weird, but this can be attributed to Beryl's lack of knowledge and Tempo's misdirection.
A couple of minor errors: the Neridi's template species is yet unknown, and it's Nezel, not Nebel.
Also, spooking Alex with lotai being anathema to the Barsam, how Mizol-like.