Color and Stealth

[G. Janssen]

An awesome end to your first project. I enjoyed Wildfire facing off against her grandfather and scaring him off with some scissor horror stories. Question though: is this new four armed species technically Soia? Or a Soia creation? Also does the new alien spacecraft the team discovered act in part as some sort of portal/gateway since it utilizes hyperspace energy?

Every story I will write is part of the same storyline. Dream Team plays 10 years after the end of Color and Stealth.

Since Alex's appearance has many coincidences (only survivor, his awakening at the touch of a very special Loroi, him being brought aboard a ship that's called 'Tempest', first Human, the meaning of his name, the meaning of his rank in Trade) I decided to risk it and suggest that such occurrences are not coincidental at all, but the work of a higher power. In Dream Team that power is sick of the new species' slaughter fests and decides to act.

The new species is a failed Soia creation. Their first attempt to create a soldier species. They used an apex predator instead of a sapient species and sort of uplifted it. It did not end well, because it's still a predator. But now it's an intelligent one. Give a Great White shark an IQ of one hundred and you don't get a poet or a philosopher, but a very smart killer.

The alien ships have hyperdrives and need to use the jump points. But their acceleration in normal space is very high. They use hyperspace to propel themselves in normal space. Because of this, they don't need fuel, because energy is obtained from hyperspace to power everything.

It is done by opening a small portal inside the ship. Two in fact. One at the stern and one at the bow. These portals serve as entry and exit portals for hyperspace.

Imagine a rod inside a tube. There's some space between both. Now, magically, a very, very fast flowing stream of water appears at one end and flows in the space between the inner rod and outer tube and magically disappears at the other end. There's no equal but opposite reaction. The friction of the water on the surfaces of the rod and pipe will accelerate them forward. To us, hyperspace appears 2D. This means that the water can be considered to have an infinite high speed. Still.. There's E=MC^2 to consider. A mass can't go faster than the speed of light. And it can't accelerate from zero to 99.999% of lightspeed in zero seconds. Thus the ships have a limited acceleration and maximum speed.

Their familiarity with the tech suggests that the Historians use something similar.

SpoilerShow

The Union's new ship that's based on this tech will play a part in an expedition to search for a certain species that's needed to build a number of weapons.

Another 'ship' that possesses a lot of knowledge about 'hyperspace' will make a donation, which enables the multi-species team to make longer jumps.

I will also update The Human Equation, a series of short chapters about the advancement of relevant Human tech, after illegally keeping a damaged Loroi raider. It runs parallel to the main storyline.

SpoilerShow

When the new species finally attacks, Humanity still won't have a large fleet, but the ships they have will be able to match those of the Loroi and be able to do their part. Humanity won't be the runt of the local bubble's litter anymore.

[Krulle]

Nice, Bedankt!

Imagine scaring your dad with a promise of an amateurish vasectomy, which is not even a vasectomy, but more...

[Cthulhu]

I've read the first 3 chapters. Very nice, but the Loroi are far too humanized. The manner of speech, the patterns, the insults. Oh well, those are just minor quips of mine, the rest is very promising.

[G. Janssen]

I've read the first 3 chapters. Very nice, but the Loroi are far too humanized. The manner of speech, the patterns, the insults. Oh well, those are just minor quips of mine, the rest is very promising.

You're not wrong. They are professional warriors in a culture that shares similarities with the Edo period in Japan. Caste based, strict rules & rituals, everything based on respect. They're militaristic and distrustful of outsiders. Peasants are civilians and more or less looked down upon, soldiers and samurai are the warriors and the damyo and Shogun are the Loroi's ruling elite and emperor. A stiff, conservative society.

The Japanese back then had humor by the way. I still think their shared sense of humor is what made them team up with the Germa... oops. No politics on this site.
I mean, look at this:
https://www.spoon-tamago.com/2015/01/07 ... t-scrolls/
https://www.reddit.com/r/japan/comments ... kestories/
It makes me kind of afraid what Loroi humor looks like.

Maybe someday I'll get serious and write a serious story about the Loroi and make them act exactly as Arioch intended. Someday. But I decided to have fun while writing this one.

[Bamax]

I really do think they acted like Loroi.

The speech was quite right I thought, barring the use of human slang and swear words which you have already given the reason for.

Nonetheless I very much enjoyed the peculiar Loroi 'curses' you came up with.

Honestly probably the only thing you could do to make them more Loroi than they are is to use images more via telepathy.

I particularly was amused with a drunken Fray mentioning her 'snuggy', and that he was her's and no one else's.

Being Loroi, and being drunk on top of that, inhibitions are lowered. That is what being drunk does.

No need for a rewrite, as I enjoy it as is, just saying that a drunk Loroi is more likely to share images with their memories when totally drunk.

Meaning she could have unwittingly showed her lover's appearance via her memories via sanzai even though she truly DOES wish to keep him all to hersself.

[G. Janssen]

I really do think they acted like Loroi.

The speech was quite right I thought, barring the use of human slang and swear words which you have already given the reason for.

Nonetheless I very much enjoyed the peculiar Loroi 'curses' you came up with.

Honestly probably the only thing you could do to make them more Loroi than they are is to use images more via telepathy.

I particularly was amused with a drunken Fray mentioning her 'snuggy', and that he was her's and no one else's.

Being Loroi, and being drunk on top of that, inhibitions are lowered. That is what being drunk does.

No need for a rewrite, as I enjoy it as is, just saying that a drunk Loroi is more likely to share images with their memories when totally drunk.

Meaning she could have unwittingly showed her lover's appearance via her memories via sanzai even though she truly DOES wish to keep him all to hersself.

I really should've done that. Maybe escribing how a drunk Fray is sending Wildfire and Coldstone a sanzai video of her and her snuggy trying out new positions and Wildfire and Coldstone trying to ignore it, but also being curious.

"Oh come on! How is that even possible?" Wildfire asked after more of Fray's unintended sanzai began to enter her mind. "Well, if the male is very, very flexible, I guess it could be done." Coldstone answered and tilted her head to the right as if to get a better look. Both women were watching Fray, who had passed out and was drooling with a blissful smile on her face. "My snuggie" she softly said.

[Bamax]

I also found the term 'snuggie' quite apt since snuggling after sex definitely denotes attachment and affection as opposed to those who are only there o get what they want and go.

So it goes without saying that feelings are involved that go beyond mere lust apparently, she and her male really do love each other.

I am aware not all guys wish to snuggle after sex, and for a guy to willlingly do so without mote sex means he really likes the female.... in human terms.

The Loroi are not so far off.

[Cthulhu]

"Snuggling" between opposite sexes should be a very foreign concept for the Loroi. They frown on any attachments between males and females, after all.

The Japanese back then had humor by the way. I still think their shared sense of humor is what made them team up with the Germa... oops. No politics on this site.

No, I don't think that this is the case, we do not have any humor.

By the way, the whole premise of a duel is actually not quite lore-friendly:

Duelling is illegal, though it does occasionally happen anyway. A warrior who is attacked is considered to have the right to defend herself.

This means that your protagonist could've refused instead. An illegal duel should be treated as "anything goes", since it would be impossible to press any legal charges related to its rules or outcome by the participants themselves. Rather, both could be prosecuted for arranging it.

[Bamax]

Ummm.... the ban on marriage is merely a means of population control, it is by no means the attitude of every Loroi.

I really doubt the government tries to regulate such intimate encounters beyond what is absolutely necessary (no harm no foul).

Snuggling denotes attachment yes, and since according to Arioch normally you won't see the same male twice if ever, snuggling would seem quite harmless given that you won't see the lover again probably and you may miss them.

Fray obviously either has influence or pays people off to rig the system, since normally she would never see the same male twice or rarely so.

And 'snuggie' is a cute, if childish sounding nickname for a lover.

I love it!

[Cthulhu]

It's not just a ban on marriages, but the (almost) complete control on procreation in general. All encounters between the sexes must be approved, and are also kept brief, therefore any "snuggling" time would be quite limited. Furthermore, there's a cultural taboo regarding attachments, so I have no idea whether this behavior would be widespread.

Of course, very high-ranking females may get an exclusive male, but an attachment to him is still seen as decadent or even as a dangerous infatuation. From time immemorial, this was the path that had led many warriors to their downfall. Usually, the "visiting rights" to that male are used for politics instead.

[G. Janssen]

"Snuggling" between opposite sexes should be a very foreign concept for the Loroi. They frown on any attachments between males and females, after all.

Sex between female teachers and 13yo male students is highly frowned upon on Earth. It's a taboo, the law forbids it and religions condemn it. And yet there's an amazing number of cases in the US alone. And that's because people aren't robots or stereotypes. If there are 10 billion Loroi and only 0.0001% feels attachments, then that's still 10,000 Loroi.

No, I don't think that this is the case, we do not have any humor.

Oh, you do. There's this female blond comedian for instance who I like. Don't know her name. She does these politically incorrect sketches. Anyway. French comedians are worse. And let's not mention the Dutch. Last good one we had died 50 years ago.

By the way, the whole premise of a duel is actually not quite lore-friendly:

Duelling is illegal, though it does occasionally happen anyway. A warrior who is attacked is considered to have the right to defend herself.

I know. But rules are for common Loroi. At least according to certain elements in their upper ruling class. Loroi society is a feudal society. And these things happen in feudal societies. Even if they're against all laws, taboos and religions.

Even honorable samurai gambled, raped peasant women and stole. And how could they not have? They were only Human. Are Loroi perfect? If they are, then they are very boring. Organic robots.

I like to think of Loroi as Humans who were optimized for warfare by the Soia and changed bio-chemically, so that the Soia could feed all of their servant races with the same food instead of having to grow wide varieties of food. And use the same medicines. It's very economic.

Makes for a nice control mechanism as well. Build-in this dependency on a certain protein that can only be found in a single, Soia controlled food stuff and the Soia can kill any of their species in case they rebel against them by keeping it from them.

Anyway, I like to think that there's still a lot that's Human inside of Loroi. Besides having a heightened aggression, increased sense of duty and indifference to death, they also have a sense of humor, can develop severe PTSD, etc... And look at Stillstorm. There's a hell of a lot of stuff going on inside her brain.

Wildfire mentiones that she is puzzled by her trial and considers it a sham. And it is. It was set up by Coldstone to ensure Wildfire's cooperation. If Greywind is the King in a chess game, then Coldstone is one of her bishops. It's not mentioned yet.

I like to make Loroi a bit messy. A little corruption here, a little political intrige there, some assassination of political opponents, breaking diplomatic treaties, espionage, horrible males, maffia connections, a secret male slave harem in the basement of the Emperor... Okay, maybe not that last one.

You'll probably find a lot more that's not lore friendly in my writings. Like sapient plants, sex between a Nissek and an Earth United Nations representative and a Barsam who actually does have a sense of humor. He goes on stage together with a Pipolsid acrobat.

Yes of course Pipolsid have underwater circuses. How can they not have? You should see their shark taming act.

[Bamax]

I enjoy how your work reveals the messier side of being a Loroi.... with humor and definite characterization too.

For every action there is a reaction after all.



Wildfire I picture to look a certain way, but obviously every reader will have their own image of her and they will vary.

That is part of the fun as a reader, that of using the imagination to fill in the blanks.

Indeed too much description can rob a reader of this pleasure.

Nonetheless I would still enjoy knowing her official 'look', unless I missed it because I have not read far enough.


I also enjoyed the cheese cracker scene, where Emery cautiously ate them while the helmsman was like 'I don't know what this is but it's tasty!"

And Wildfire, likely because she has either had enough hunan experience or is well read, knew all along what cheese actually is.

[Cthulhu]

Sex between female teachers and 13yo male students is highly frowned upon on Earth. It's a taboo, the law forbids it and religions condemn it. And yet there's an amazing number of cases in the US alone. And that's because people aren't robots or stereotypes. If there are 10 billion Loroi and only 0.0001% feels attachments, then that's still 10,000 Loroi.

That's why it is a theme that is featured in many Loroi legends. While those are mostly re-told as a warning, the need for that tells us enough about Loroi society.

Oh, you do. There's this female blond comedian for instance who I like. Don't know her name. She does these politically incorrect sketches. Anyway. French comedians are worse. And let's not mention the Dutch. Last good one we had died 50 years ago.

I know of that female comedian. Anne Engelke, right? The last time she was funny was perhaps 10 years ago...

Besides, we don't even need comedians, since watching people speak Dutch is already funny enough.

I know. But rules are for common Loroi. At least according to certain elements in their upper ruling class. Loroi society is a feudal society. And these things happen in feudal societies. Even if they're against all laws, taboos and religions.

Even honorable samurai gambled, raped peasant women and stole. And how could they not have? They were only Human. Are Loroi perfect? If they are, then they are very boring. Organic robots.

I like to think of Loroi as Humans who were optimized for warfare by the Soia and changed bio-chemically, so that the Soia could feed all of their servant races with the same food instead of having to grow wide varieties of food. And use the same medicines. It's very economic.

Makes for a nice control mechanism as well. Build-in this dependency on a certain protein that can only be found in a single, Soia controlled food stuff and the Soia can kill any of their species in case they rebel against them by keeping it from them.

Anyway, I like to think that there's still a lot that's Human inside of Loroi. Besides having a heightened aggression, increased sense of duty and indifference to death, they also have a sense of humor, can develop severe PTSD, etc... And look at Stillstorm. There's a hell of a lot of stuff going on inside her brain.

Wildfire mentiones that she is puzzled by her trial and considers it a sham. And it is. It was set up by Coldstone to ensure Wildfire's cooperation. If Greywind is the King in a chess game, then Coldstone is one of her bishops. It's not mentioned yet.

I like to make Loroi a bit messy. A little corruption here, a little political intrige there, some assassination of political opponents, breaking diplomatic treaties, espionage, horrible males, maffia connections, a secret male slave harem in the basement of the Emperor... Okay, maybe not that last one.

You'll probably find a lot more that's not lore friendly in my writings. Like sapient plants, sex between a Nissek and an Earth United Nations representative and a Barsam who actually does have a sense of humor. He goes on stage together with a Pipolsid acrobat.

Yes of course Pipolsid have underwater circuses. How can they not have? You should see their shark taming act.

Well, it's fan fiction, and since Arioch is pretty lax regarding his universe's usage, it's fine, I guess.

My current fan-fic is intended to be more lore-friendly, but once I'm finished with it, I'll write something more frivolous next.

[Krulle]

Oh, you do. There's this female blond comedian for instance who I like. Don't know her name. She does these politically incorrect sketches. Anyway. French comedians are worse. And let's not mention the Dutch. Last good one we had died 50 years ago.

I know of that female comedian. Anne Engelke, right? The last time she was funny was perhaps 10 years ago...

Anke Engelke? ("Danke, Anke!")
But there are other politically incorrect comedians....

[Cthulhu]

Anke Engelke? ("Danke, Anke!")
But there are other politically incorrect comedians....

I prefer the "heute-show", actually.

[Krulle]

Me too. "Wochenshow" is past time anyway...
Wochenshow was never interesting much to me anyway.
(Luxembourg Radio&TV) Samstag Nacht was preferred by me anyway, at the end of that a series of years without watching TV started for me (post-school, university,...), and die Wochenshow fell in that time.

But Carolin Kebekus is also a blonde, politically incorrect comedienne.

But I mainly stumbled over the misspelling Anne/Anke...

[Cthulhu]

Me too. "Wochenshow" is past time anyway...
Wochenshow was never interesting much to me anyway.
(Luxembourg Radio&TV) Samstag Nacht was preferred by me anyway, at the end of that a series of years without watching TV started for me (post-school, university,...), and die Wochenshow fell in that time.

But Carolin Kebekus is also a blonde, politically incorrect comedienne.

But I mainly stumbled over the misspelling Anne/Anke...

Right, it was Anke. As I said, I've mostly forgotten about her.

[Bamax]

I am currently reading Chapter 10 and I must say what I like about your writing.

The characters. All very memorable. Starfall seems like a serious Listel unafraid to stand up to her commander but still not foolish enough to push it too far, just enough to let her commander know she was wrong or how she feels.

Hellion was fun. Chef is eccentric but makes for fun times.

Seems most are actually, Hot Pocket being hilarously rude to a large audience of human diplomats made me nearly laugh out loud.

Emery is the only one I would not want to spend time with as she seems rather like she believes she has the right to avenge whoever whenever.... outside even the bounds of law. She is a loose cannon.

Wildfire is less psychotic, but she is also someone who would literally stab their enemy in the back if it proved easier than facing them head on.

The whole idea of honor is not so important to these Loroi as simply getting stuff done and in Emerald's case, meting out vengeance.

[G. Janssen]

Wildfire is less psychotic, but she is also someone who would literally stab their enemy in the back if it proved easier than facing them head on.

Yes, she would. An easy victory is the best kind.

In many warrior cultures there was no greater honor than victory.

Honor is culture bound. To the Samurai the greatest honor was to obey their lord. If they were ordered to slaughter a village of peasants, they did it, no questions asked.

And Loroi are ruthless. To have a Loroi warrior as a girlfriend is to have a killer as a girlfriend.

The whole idea of honor is not so important to these Loroi as simply getting stuff done and in Emerald's case, meting out vengeance.

Pretty much.

[Bamax]

I just completed Color and Stealth and I must say the ending was a surprise but a delightful one.

You write in a way that entertains and also have a knack for comedy.

I had no problem visualizing the scenes in the I think desert area where Wildfire found her tribe.

I like the realism in that Wildfire is no Mary Sue and definitely not Rey from Star Wars.

She can and does get defeated, but learns and takes advice and comes back victorious.

Coldstone is a very seemingly cultured Loroi... able to understand and appreciate both alien human culture and the ancient tribalism of the Loroi.

What I also like is that the characters remain distinct but you provide just enough information about them to make me want to know more.

Punch for example, is a fearless warrior who even a Klingon would respect.

I also liked how Loroi powers were on full display, from using sanzai to show imagery to communicate... sometimes to humorous effect, all the way to showing off that Loroi are strong as men fof their weight (Punch killing a predator by punching it to death and suffocating it with her hand down it's throat lol).