Writing Prompts

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entity2636
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by entity2636 »

Excellent writing from both Dragoon and Novius, please do go on, you're the best!

However, I'm noticing how Alex is becoming rather aggressive, irritable, short tempered, even violent in his thoughts towards the average loroi clerk and too vengeful. I'm not sure being told to f*ck off by a clerk warrants such violent and graphic thoughts... He's thoughts sound like those of someone who'd start a fight with a fellow driver who cut him off, or shoot up a store because his card expired, not so much like those of an intelligent and capable officer.

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Werra
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by Werra »

Somehow Alex turned out quite unlikeable. A little tyrant really. It also doesn't help that everytime he's having even a minor issue, several influential Loroi are at attention to help him.

The humiliation of Shortleaf can turn around completely if she simply states at the right time a variation of the following:
SpoilerShow
" He's asking me to sign off on millions of lines of inofficial, untested code, of which I haven't seen a single line. I'm not programming our patches myself, they're coming from teams of people numbering in the thousands. There's a strict workflow to follow here or we're practically guaranteed to compromise system security. Risk your own ship, but don't expect me to sign off on any of it."
Alex should be a bit more measured in his reaction and maybe not immediately escalate to public humiliation.

Not saying that Shortleaf is in the right, or not an asshole. Just that Alex can get burned pretty hard in these situations.

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dragoongfa
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by dragoongfa »

I didn't intend for Alex to seem so bloodthirsty, angry towards a Torret (the equivalent of navy Captain) that willingly decides to not help with the proper running of a warship, how much a flagship, is for granted. Remember that Tempest is the ship that he and everyone he cares about lives on so he is invested in keeping it running as best as possible.
Werra wrote: The humiliation of Shortleaf can turn around completely if she simply states at the right time a variation of the following:
SpoilerShow
" He's asking me to sign off on millions of lines of inofficial, untested code, of which I haven't seen a single line. I'm not programming our patches myself, they're coming from teams of people numbering in the thousands. There's a strict workflow to follow here or we're practically guaranteed to compromise system security. Risk your own ship, but don't expect me to sign off on any of it."
Alex should be a bit more measured in his reaction and maybe not immediately escalate to public humiliation.

Not saying that Shortleaf is in the right, or not an asshole. Just that Alex can get burned pretty hard in these situations.
That's more or less what I planned for Shortleaf to say when everything would come home to roost.
SpoilerShow
The problem is that Tempest has been running on such an electronic environment for years, the template for the patches is outdated which makes the patches themselves outdated by default, in short the 'update' package that she gave Alex would result in a compromised warship in terms of electronic warfare by default. By willingly denying even to consider alternatives she failed her duties and the reason she did that wasn't because it was the proper and legal thing to do but because she wants to run away, not her whole department but she alone. She is a ticket puncher who rose and holds her position due to nepotism, is willing to get bribed in order to keep doing whats 'right' (Stillstorm gifting her male visitation rights so she wouldn't make a fuss) and is negligent in her duties due to cowardice.

If she was acting so because of being prim and proper to a fault Alex wouldn't be so angry. Annoyed surely but not so angry.
The solution to the problem is for Stillstorm to take full responsibility for Tempest and its crew, it's her flagship after all and she was its Captain up until now. The Tazites and her staff signing off on it is mere formality, as it would have been for the previous Soshrets to write down that 'due to the uniqueness of the situation Lashret Stillstorm assumes full responsibility for Tempest'. The Military likes its red tape and for it to be properly followed but things are far more fluid in times of war, the only reason a solution to the 'Tempest' question wasn't given earlier was because some people up high (including Duskcrown to a degree) wanted to bring Stillstorm to heel.

Things are different now however, Stillstorm is now a Soshret due to both merit and necessity but she is extremely busy at the moment to realize and use the full authority for her rank.

novius
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by novius »

Thing is, humans are a quite violent species. It is just a thin veneer of civilization that keeps us on the narrow road... well, most of the time.

I'm pretty sure almost everyone had his or her moment with an obtuse clerk, clueless cashier or (the horror!) customer support service where one plays out fantasies featuring said clerk and, say, a rusty, nail-studded stick or whatever device one would choose to inflict serious harm or rather humiliation. Let me give you an example - internet isn't working, and the telco customer support just rattles down the usual "Did you reset your computer? Did you reboot the router? Is it plugged in?", and you just WANT to scream (or maybe did) "Listen guy, I've done EVERYTHING I could on my side and more, the problem HAS to be on YOUR end!"

That was Alex's moment, and perhaps these "I'm just doing my job by the books" type of officers could be that singular red button one should never push, especially since Alex has a penchant for thinking outside the box, as demonstrated, but said Loroi didn't just push said button, but figuratively sat on it.

So, yes Alex did fly off the handle a bit, and this could be yet another lesson for him to realize that his private thoughts are not that private any longer.

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Krin
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by Krin »

I'll admit that for the situation, the violence I wrote in that off scene might be a bit over the top. At least the punch.
At the least I put it in spoilers and is up for critique and re-writes, as it's an incomplete piece.

Referring to only the cannon story, I think Alex can be quick to anger or at least easy to agitate.
He is shown to be almost enraged at the sight of the Bell wreck (understandable), and gets agitated/annoyed with Tempo and Fireblade.

Given the narrative in this fanfiction, he is currently in a position to stop Stillleaf from 'abandoning' her duty. Given the circumstances and the jeopardy she would put everyone in, I think some form of anger is warranted.

I am interested how that might be incorporated.

It's commented early on in the Main story that Alex inadvertently causes trouble for others, which may be why he is alive in the first place. Perhaps he does something to this effect toward Stillleaf?

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sunphoenix
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by sunphoenix »

Ahhhhaaaa.. more Beacons Brain Candy/Crack... love it!
PbP:
[IC] Deep Strike 'Lt' Kamielle Lynn
[IC] Cydonia Rising/Tempest Sonnidezi Stormrage
[IC] Incursion Maiannon Golden Hair
[IC] TdSmR Athen Rourke

"...you can't conquer a free man; the most you can do is Kill him."

inxsi
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by inxsi »

Thanks to everyone who worked on Beacons, I am loving it so far! (I haven't started reading New Frontiers yet, but it also sounds like I'd enjoy it.)

For the Umiak strategy (warning that I am terrible at strategy), is the intention that they are bypassing Azimol Citadel and only leaving a defense force in Leido Crossroads to allow for the reinforcements and resupply to pass thru to Enedd/Nezel and onwards unmolested? I'm trying to get inspiration for my own fanfiction, but I suck at reading the strategic situation (spent the past three days thinking that from the current comic page, the Barsam would have a chance to take the fearsome foursome to Azimol before realizing how close to the jump point the Gora Relay was :().

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dragoongfa
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by dragoongfa »

In Beacons the Umiak Strategic objectives in general are three fold:

A) Defeat the Union.
B) Stabilize the Hierarchy.
C) Profit from the war.

An in depth military penetration at one of the core industrial sectors of the Loroi is a war winning maneuver, made possible by the ability to finally outmaneuver the Loroi via their newfound Lotai. Bypassing static defenses and heavily fortified 'citadel' systems is par of the course of such a penetration as it would preserve important military assets. The Umiak now have seized the strategic initiative and are in a position to hurt the Loroi war effort in its most fundamental levels. The Loroi will have to go above and beyond to turn this around, buying time with everything that they can throw at the Umiak is par of the course in order to marshal their forces and attempt to mitigate the damage inflicted on them while still keeping an avenue of reinforcements and supplies open.

Ending the war will allow the Umiak to stabilize the Hierarchy. Their client races are certainly chaffing under their whip after such an expensive and hard fought war. The Umiak can certainly stamp down any rebellion with ease but the problem with rebellions is that they tend to destroy strategically important infrastructure and populations. Glassing planets and populations that are in open revolt due to being pushed too far is like chopping off parts of one's limb. Fighting a ground war against a revolting population on a planet ill suited for the average Umiak is prohibitively expensive. In short the Umiak need to loosen the lease a little in order to maintain their empire.

So the Umiak are eager to end the war but that is only possible by winning it since the Loroi will not sign any short of ceasefire or armistice after all that has happened. To do that they will still need to keep throwing money and resources at their military in order to capture and occupy all of the Union; occupation, even extremely harsh occupation, is expensive and the money and resources required to do all this need to come out of someplace but if the Umiak client races are to have their obligations lessened then someone else will have to foot the bill. The Umiak are certainly looking to exploit the Union to the fullest extent possible so they will be looking to capture territory, infrastructure and (non Loroi) populations as intact as possible in order to exploit them and thus 'Profit' from the war effort and help lessen the burden from their client races.

aleks
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by aleks »

Anything happening with Beacons?
Last commit was in October ;)

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dragoongfa
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by dragoongfa »

Working on it, continuous writing block and RL problems from my part.

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dragoongfa
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by dragoongfa »

And there, finally sat my ass down and soldiered through the final part.

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Onaiom
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by Onaiom »

dragoongfa wrote:And there, finally sat my ass down and soldiered through the final part.
Nice chapter! It's great being able to read another prompt with Alex interacting with Loroi.

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Onaiom
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by Onaiom »

Any chance of Echo appearing on next update? Or will you wait for her to appear in the comic first?

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Arioch
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by Arioch »

Onaiom wrote:Any chance of Echo appearing on next update? Or will you wait for her to appear in the comic first?
It may help to know that Echo is from a later period in the timeline. She probably isn't born yet in 2160.
SpoilerShow
Echo is one of the characters from "Project Forward," which is the code name for the sequel to Outsider. While she does technically appear in Outsider, her date of birth is probably sometime after 2162. Her bio is not yet finalized and the details are subject to change.

And yes, I know it may seem crazy to be planning a sequel at this point, but that's what I do. The two stories are intrinsically linked.

Krulle
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by Krulle »

Ohhh, now you make me horribly curious.
SpoilerShow
Does the current storyline end with the birth of Echo?
And who are her parents?
Vote for Outsider on TWC: Image
charred steppes, borders of territories: page 59,
jump-map of local stars: page 121, larger map in Loroi: page 118,
System view Leido Crossroads: page 123, after the battle page 195

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Arioch
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by Arioch »

Not trying to derail the Writing Prompts thread, but I'm not sure where else to put this. I don't think we're quite ready for a dedicated thread on the subject.
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Krulle wrote:Does the current storyline end with the birth of Echo?
No. I think I've mentioned before that the narrator in Outsider is Alex's future self, looking back on the events of the story. After the climactic chapter, there is a short epilogue that wraps up the story, in which we meet future Alex and the people he has been telling the story to (who are, as it turns out, the principal characters in Project Forward).

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dragoongfa
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by dragoongfa »

Don't worry Arioch, planning that far ahead is a good sign in my book; writing it as you go tends to create a lot of trouble on the way, look at GRRM and his mess :P

Krulle
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by Krulle »

Arioch wrote:Not trying to derail the Writing Prompts thread, but I'm not sure where else to put this. I don't think we're quite ready for a dedicated thread on the subject.
SpoilerShow
Krulle wrote:Does the current storyline end with the birth of Echo?
No. I think I've mentioned before that the narrator in Outsider is Alex's future self, looking back on the events of the story. After the climactic chapter, there is a short epilogue that wraps up the story, in which we meet future Alex and the people he has been telling the story to (who are, as it turns out, the principal characters in Project Forward).
Ahh, thanks.

Haven't expected an answer, but it is much appreciated!
Vote for Outsider on TWC: Image
charred steppes, borders of territories: page 59,
jump-map of local stars: page 121, larger map in Loroi: page 118,
System view Leido Crossroads: page 123, after the battle page 195

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dragoongfa
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by dragoongfa »

Made some corrections and I cleaned out some stuff from the latest installment.

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sunphoenix
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Re: Writing Prompts

Post by sunphoenix »

YES! A new Years present! Beacons BRAIN CANDY! :)

And.. GASP!!! Project: Forward?!?!? A sequel to Outsider?!? I'm literally bouncing in my chair in excitement!!!
Last edited by sunphoenix on Fri Jan 03, 2020 6:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
PbP:
[IC] Deep Strike 'Lt' Kamielle Lynn
[IC] Cydonia Rising/Tempest Sonnidezi Stormrage
[IC] Incursion Maiannon Golden Hair
[IC] TdSmR Athen Rourke

"...you can't conquer a free man; the most you can do is Kill him."

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