SpoilerShow
"I feel... I need to be getting on with my duties. I really, in this situation..., don't have time for this you know..."
{And so will you be getting on with your duties. The fact I wanted to see you and speak more deeply about things that just happened and others that happened a long while ago does not mean that I will not let you do your work. Take it as a medicine, if you want. It may take some time to ingest a single dose, but you can still work before and after.}
Reluctantly and resigned she walked into the room letting the door shut behind her.
Stormrage looked around the room and her mind shield's flared to solid defense. She seemed unwilling to show weakness... her spoken reply soft...
"I ... don't like to talk about it. The Deathwind is ... was the past... I can't change it. But ... I have nightmares, there is nothing that can be done. I ...endure them."
{The past is the past. But your nightmares are not in the past. They are with you, in the present. As I said and I repeat, they don't make you unfit; just a little sick. A mental scar that hasn't healed properly. And what I want to do is to heal it properly. And those nightmares are exactly what I want to avoid with this new situation. Traumas are most easily treated on the spot; same thing for mental traumas. I will take some of your time to do it, but not much more than if our doctors had to treat you for an injury. And trust me, when we will have taken care of all that, you will be so fit for duty that you will excel. That, I know.}
Softsapphire sanzais the last sentence with so much conviction that it might surprise Stormrage. It's not merely something to reassure Stormrage, kind words to a damned soul. No, you have the word of a leader who actually is honestly congratulating the best soldier, or the scholar handing a perfect score to her pest student. She has total faith in Stormrage.
This ...again catches Stormrage off guard coming from a totally different point of inquiry.. she had not really examined her feelings on the moment having pushed the experience to the back of her mind. But mentioning so openly the experience and directly her emotions in that moment brought the emotions the experience back to the forefront of her consciousness.
Stormrage, deadly Teidar Sezon, skilled warrior, tough as duralloy disaster multiple-shipwreak survivor... blushes hotly.
Immediately defensive, her mind shields hardening even further, "..it was not like that! Charles Aldridge was willing and it was one of my mission directives! I.. was not ... I mean I did not feel ... that kind of attraction... I was finding out if all humans have the same lotai as Captain Jardin... no-nothing more! Human males are just very similar to loroi males its was just... a natural reaction... nothing more!"
...her words may say one thing but her emotions ...perhaps something else...but its hard to tell as she is actively trying to block and such detection.
Softsapphire shows only understanding in her face. And then, a wide smile appears on her face, and even a small laughter.
{I look at you, and I see myself, not so long ago. "The Barsam was willing and it was one of my mission directives." I never said the words; I am too much aware of my own emotions and way too direct to actually deceive myself in such a way. But the thought to actually say that must have crossed my mind. More than once. Imply what you wish, you will never imply enough.
Okay, true, I do not have the excuse of Barsam being similar to Loroi males. They are quite dissimilar actually, I can attest. But I can trust this experience I have with what happened with you. Your emotions, what you felt, is important. It doesn't matter what kind of attraction it was. If it was me, I would keep on and discover more. And it certainly helps that human males do look stronger than Loroi males; even stronger than Loroi females perhaps. Perfect for a strong warrior as you.
I also find it interesting that I am not the only Loroi who got at least a little interested in other species. I believe that, for our own survival, we will have to get interested in them and actually actively somehow mix with them. I've work with Loroi, Barsam, Neridi and Pipolsid and, trust me, I have done way more with the later three than the Loroi, even though I still spent most of my life around my kind. Humans are probably the same, and I fully expect to enjoy relating with the human crew.
And the fact your natural reactions kicked in means that you are mentally fit for duty. The nightmares are not overwhelming you, which is good. As I said, I will support you, whatever you may decide regarding Charles. And yes, even if I have to go in opposition to a certain Mizol.
Now, as for the whole Lotai thing... Well, that is exactly what I wanted to see. I thought of making the test myself, but like our Mizol, I was afraid of hurting the humans with any attempt. Forgetting all the emotional, what did it feel like. For me, when you did it, it felt as void. We have a connexion to everything living, but that... emptiness... was unsettling. I would like you to describe your sensations (except your emotional bond) about it. I might want to attempt it later. I am supposed to meet one of their Listel, or scientists as they say here, after we are done.}
{And so will you be getting on with your duties. The fact I wanted to see you and speak more deeply about things that just happened and others that happened a long while ago does not mean that I will not let you do your work. Take it as a medicine, if you want. It may take some time to ingest a single dose, but you can still work before and after.}
Reluctantly and resigned she walked into the room letting the door shut behind her.
Stormrage looked around the room and her mind shield's flared to solid defense. She seemed unwilling to show weakness... her spoken reply soft...
"I ... don't like to talk about it. The Deathwind is ... was the past... I can't change it. But ... I have nightmares, there is nothing that can be done. I ...endure them."
{The past is the past. But your nightmares are not in the past. They are with you, in the present. As I said and I repeat, they don't make you unfit; just a little sick. A mental scar that hasn't healed properly. And what I want to do is to heal it properly. And those nightmares are exactly what I want to avoid with this new situation. Traumas are most easily treated on the spot; same thing for mental traumas. I will take some of your time to do it, but not much more than if our doctors had to treat you for an injury. And trust me, when we will have taken care of all that, you will be so fit for duty that you will excel. That, I know.}
Softsapphire sanzais the last sentence with so much conviction that it might surprise Stormrage. It's not merely something to reassure Stormrage, kind words to a damned soul. No, you have the word of a leader who actually is honestly congratulating the best soldier, or the scholar handing a perfect score to her pest student. She has total faith in Stormrage.
This ...again catches Stormrage off guard coming from a totally different point of inquiry.. she had not really examined her feelings on the moment having pushed the experience to the back of her mind. But mentioning so openly the experience and directly her emotions in that moment brought the emotions the experience back to the forefront of her consciousness.
Stormrage, deadly Teidar Sezon, skilled warrior, tough as duralloy disaster multiple-shipwreak survivor... blushes hotly.
Immediately defensive, her mind shields hardening even further, "..it was not like that! Charles Aldridge was willing and it was one of my mission directives! I.. was not ... I mean I did not feel ... that kind of attraction... I was finding out if all humans have the same lotai as Captain Jardin... no-nothing more! Human males are just very similar to loroi males its was just... a natural reaction... nothing more!"
...her words may say one thing but her emotions ...perhaps something else...but its hard to tell as she is actively trying to block and such detection.
Softsapphire shows only understanding in her face. And then, a wide smile appears on her face, and even a small laughter.
{I look at you, and I see myself, not so long ago. "The Barsam was willing and it was one of my mission directives." I never said the words; I am too much aware of my own emotions and way too direct to actually deceive myself in such a way. But the thought to actually say that must have crossed my mind. More than once. Imply what you wish, you will never imply enough.
Okay, true, I do not have the excuse of Barsam being similar to Loroi males. They are quite dissimilar actually, I can attest. But I can trust this experience I have with what happened with you. Your emotions, what you felt, is important. It doesn't matter what kind of attraction it was. If it was me, I would keep on and discover more. And it certainly helps that human males do look stronger than Loroi males; even stronger than Loroi females perhaps. Perfect for a strong warrior as you.
I also find it interesting that I am not the only Loroi who got at least a little interested in other species. I believe that, for our own survival, we will have to get interested in them and actually actively somehow mix with them. I've work with Loroi, Barsam, Neridi and Pipolsid and, trust me, I have done way more with the later three than the Loroi, even though I still spent most of my life around my kind. Humans are probably the same, and I fully expect to enjoy relating with the human crew.
And the fact your natural reactions kicked in means that you are mentally fit for duty. The nightmares are not overwhelming you, which is good. As I said, I will support you, whatever you may decide regarding Charles. And yes, even if I have to go in opposition to a certain Mizol.
Now, as for the whole Lotai thing... Well, that is exactly what I wanted to see. I thought of making the test myself, but like our Mizol, I was afraid of hurting the humans with any attempt. Forgetting all the emotional, what did it feel like. For me, when you did it, it felt as void. We have a connexion to everything living, but that... emptiness... was unsettling. I would like you to describe your sensations (except your emotional bond) about it. I might want to attempt it later. I am supposed to meet one of their Listel, or scientists as they say here, after we are done.}
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