[Fan Fiction] Notes and discussion for "A sword that wields itself"

[Bamax]

Latest Chapter Review:

There is a typo somewhere.

I think you put allthrough

It's although. No R.


While interesting in progressing the story, the therapist seemed a bit much like Beryl in personality, like her character was copy and pasted onto her and given a different name

Other than that, looking forward to seeing where the story goes.

It would seem if I do not know better that this story is going to follow the classic hero's journey model.

Going even more basic, it has been said that all stories are either about or have a mix of the following:

1. Man vs man or equivalent
2. Man vs environment
3. Man vs self
4. Man vs God or equivalent


In your story there is man vs man (because umiaks are NOT dumb animals) with a smidgen of man vs environment (the chapter where Emberwing's crew struggled to repair it to no avail).

[Cthulhu]

Latest Chapter Review:

There is a typo somewhere.

I think you put allthrough

It's although. No R.

Could be, spellcheck can't pick up such mistakes.

While interesting in progressing the story, the therapist seemed a bit much like Beryl in personality, like her character was copy and pasted onto her and given a different name

Actually, the personalities of most secondary characters were created through dice rolls. The counselor should be indeed a tiny bit similar to Beryl, that is, having a very high amount of enthusiasm regarding her task. However, this is not a copy-paste, merely "common" youthful courage that older Loroi like Tempo have apparently lost (for the most part). But if it's perceived as being too similar to Beryl, then I can rework that a bit more.

It would seem if I do not know better that this story is going to follow the classic hero's journey model.

Going even more basic, it has been said that all stories are either about or have a mix of the following:

1. Man vs man or equivalent
2. Man vs environment
3. Man vs self
4. Man vs God or equivalent


In your story there is man vs man (because umiaks are NOT dumb animals) with a smidgen of man vs environment (the chapter where Emberwing's crew struggled to repair it to no avail).

There are actually 6 standard challenges:

Character versus ...Show

1. Character vs. Self
This is an internal conflict, meaning that the opposition the character faces is coming from within. This may entail a struggle to discern what the moral or “right” choice is, or it may also encompass mental health struggles. All other types of conflict are external—meaning that a character comes up against an outside force that creates the conflict.

2. Character vs. Character
This is a common type of conflict in which one character’s needs or wants are at odds with another’s. A character conflict can be depicted as a straightforward fist fight, or as intricate and nuanced as the ongoing struggle for power in the HBO series Game of Thrones (that didn't age well, eh?).

3. Character vs. Nature
In a nature conflict, a character is set in opposition to nature. This can mean the weather, the wilderness, or a natural disaster. For example, in Ernest Hemingway’s The Old Man and the Sea, the main character, Santiago finally manages to reel in a fish after months and months of bad luck. He fends off sharks, who are trying to steal his prized catch, but eventually they eat the fish—leaving Santiago with only a carcass. This is the essence of the man versus nature conflict: man struggles with human emotions, while nature charges forth undeterred.

4. Character vs. Supernatural
Pitting characters against phenomena like ghosts, gods, or monsters raises the stakes of a conflict by creating an unequal playing field. Supernatural conflict also covers characters, like Harry Potter or Odysseus, who have a fate or destiny and struggle to accept the sacrifices that come along with it.

5. Character vs. Technology
In this case, a character is in conflict with some kind of technology. Think of the tale of John Henry, the African American folk hero. In American folklore, Henry was a former slave who worked as a steel-driver on the rail line. To prove his superiority over new technology, he raced a steam-powered rock drilling machine and won. However, he suffered a heart attack after winning the race.

6. Character vs. Society
A character vs. society conflict is an external conflict that occurs in literature when the protagonist is placed in opposition with society, the government, or a cultural tradition or societal norm of some kind. Characters may be motivated to take action against their society by a need to survive, a moral sense of right and wrong, or a desire for happiness, freedom, justice, or love.

However, for my fanfic, I've prepared a nice plot twist. The next intermission might provide more information... or confuse the readers even more.

[Snoofman]

Loved the character versus challenges of writing. Good inspiration and good to know when world building or trying to create believable characters.

Also love the dream delves. Although I'm starting to wonder if these dreams are in fact visions into the future and/or past.

[Dan Wyatt]

I'm gettimg some God Emperor vibes from this!!

[Cthulhu]

Loved the character versus challenges of writing. Good inspiration and good to know when world building or trying to create believable characters.

Don't forget that those are ideal examples. Usually, the protagonists must face a combination of multiple challenges.

Also love the dream delves. Although I'm starting to wonder if these dreams are in fact visions into the future and/or past.

Who knows? It's probably just something from the newest VR-MMO game...

I'm gettimg some God Emperor vibes from this!!

But the figure on that throne was still alive?

[Bamax]

I think I know who priest is... at least the species and planet, maybe even the warlord.

Yet I hesitate to say it since the author may change it once he realizes I know.

You won't do that will you?

[Cthulhu]

I think I know who priest is... at least the species and planet, maybe even the warlord.

Oh really?

Yet I hesitate to say it since the author may change it once he realizes I know.

Feel free to guess, just use the spoiler tags.

SpoilerShow

And no, he's not Alex

You won't do that will you?

Nope, I'm not petty enough for that, don't worry.

[Bamax]

Alright then here goes.

SpoilerShow

The priest is human. The planet is earth, and if the warlord is not Alex we will meet him later.... that's assuming the warlord is not Alex

[Cthulhu]

Alright then here goes.

SpoilerShow

The priest is human. The planet is earth, and if the warlord is not Alex we will meet him later.... that's assuming the warlord is not Alex

Well, the side plot is obviously tied into the story, otherwise, what's the point of writing it? Which means that the protagonist(s) of the main storyline may interact with those characters from the intermission in one way or the other.
Perhaps "later" in the story? Or is that a separate timeline altogether? Maybe even a wholly different dimension? Who knows...

SpoilerShow

However, everything else in your guess is, unfortunately, completely off. But now I can see where Dan Wyatt's God-Emperor comparison comes from, and no, it's not something like the techno-barbarian pre-unification Earth of WH30 either.

[Krulle]

Some nitpicking:

SpoilerShow

You switched mid-text from counsellor to councillor, which is something else (being a member of the council).
Later you switched back again.

Be aware, I use British English with my proposals of correction! Whatever I propose you'll need to convert to American English again. ("counsellor"[BE] becomes "counselor"[AE]).
And I hid some other changes (only AE/BE adaptation) unmarked in the text for the passages I repeat (e.g. rumour/rumor).

Chapter XXIV: The Song

[...]

Before he could elaborate any further and explain the occasion, the alarm ended the dream. Emberwing sat up and wondered, was her mind truly able to construct such a person from scratch, or whose fantasy did she partake in? Could Human sanzai be this strange? She mulled over it while getting ready, then decided to discuss it with the counsellor, and went to the Promenade to eat something. Curious about the current rumours, Emberwing listened to a number of conversations while paying her tab and ordering some food. As expected, the Humans were the topic number one, while the Hierarchy incursion was discussed sparsely, as if avoiding mentioning it altogether. Before anyone could link her with either of them and ask some unwanted questions, she finished eating, and headed to the councilor’s counsellor's office.

[...]

“Yes, for us, because we Loroi are not overly imaginative. Our dreams are mostly rehearsals of real events, with some minor variations. If those leak, then the receiving person usually sees a static dream sequence. Since most involuntary transmissions are caused by distress, this forces everyone nearby to relieve the traumatic experience, either together with the sender, or seldom in her place.” The councilor counsellor sighed, “While it makes the diagnosis rather easy, the treatment is a very complex issue.”

[...]

“Yes, although Fireblade is a special case”, Oasis nodded, “Anyway, from what I’ve read, the Humans should be very creative, so this, combined with their fledgling experience in telepathy, could lead to such an accidental broadcast. Especially if you intercepted multiple dream fragments about the same topic and managed to estabilish establish some kind of connection to partake in dreams.”

[...]

Oasis listened very attentively, but after the tale was finished, she simply grasped her head with both hands and groaned, “There goes that theory. This is way over my competence grade, or even that of a senior councilor counsellor. You’d need several Nedatan Tiret, some Mizol, a number of Listel and also a Mystic, who specialises in dream healing. That’s an entire research team already, and I’m just a Soroin Tiret!”

[...]

The counsellor let go of her hand and turned to the console, “I have your personal file here, it shows average ratings for Telesend, Telereceive and a slightly above average level of Mind Shield. While I’m not yet qualified to perform those tests, I know how throughout thorough the experts are. There’s no way that they could’ve overlooked a highly valuable farseer candidate, and clan politics do not have any power over that. Right, let’s visit Disis Willpower, I need to ask her some questions about your medical test results as well.”

[...]

Wow. Thank you very much!

Still need to read whatever comes after that chapter.

Also: Best wishes for 2022!

[Cthulhu]

Some nitpicking

That's not nitpicking, it was very helpful. Somehow, the autocomplete feature decided to use the wrong form, and I wasn't attentive enough to notice it.
Also, I intend to keep it all in the US English version.

Wow. Thank you very much!

Still need to read whatever comes after that chapter.

Also: Best wishes for 2022!

Best wishes to you, too!

[Krulle]

That was nitpicking, because the meaning was clear in all instances.

And I use BE because I learned that, and AE still looks "off" to me, despite being the most prevalent English version I see on the InterWebs.
Also, I learned a few years ago, that Canadian English is also different in its spelling, and that apparently the US-Americans assume AE is used on all of the continent (where English is used)...

Anyway, it's not important, I just wanted to warn you that I use BE, and any spelling mistakes you perceive in my proposals may be because of this detail.
As author, you should stay with the version you are most familiar with!

[gigachad]

Great! I read it in one breath, I look forward to continuing.

[Cthulhu]

Great! I read it in one breath, I look forward to continuing.

Thanks, I'll try to post the next chapter soon, most probably tomorrow.

[Krulle]

SpoilerShow

Nitpicking:
https://www.well-of-souls.com/forums/vi ... 546#p44546:
in one paragraph, your formatting starts with the wrong tag, [ /i], instead of [ i].
Therefore the Sanzai is not in a cursive (italic) font as intended.
(The paragraph starting with " "It is precisely this arrogance that made us blind and deaf to the Umiak threat, [...]")

Nothing else jumped my eye.

Nice, again!


Looking forward to where this goes!

[Cthulhu]

SpoilerShow

Nitpicking:
https://www.well-of-souls.com/forums/vi ... 546#p44546:
in one paragraph, your formatting starts with the wrong tag, [ /i], instead of [ i].
Therefore the Sanzai is not in a cursive (italic) font as intended.
(The paragraph starting with " "It is precisely this arrogance that made us blind and deaf to the Umiak threat, [...]")

Nothing else jumped my eye.

Thanks for noticing!

Nice, again!

Only nice?

SpoilerShow

[Krulle]

Like I wrote before.
I learned English the British way.
Understatement is a large part of the culture I learned when I learned English.
I could write "That was not bad" to better reflect my opinion, but that could be read even worse.


So, let me unpack my mask of Rampant Jubilation and dance the dance of Jubilation, and shout
"OH YEAH. THAT WAS SO GOOD, I WANT TO HAVE THE NEXT CHAPTER NOW!"

But I fear, that this being the Interwebs, all of this visual and audiophonic display of my enjoyment of your creation will still be lost for you, as this here is text-only.
*Sigh.*
Nor do I have access to the Ultron anymore, which would guide me in finding a peek of the forthcoming conclusion of your works.
*Sigh.* *Sigh.*

[/ UQM/SC2 fandom]

[Cthulhu]

Like I wrote before.
I learned English the British way.
Understatement is a large part of the culture I learned when I learned English.
I could write "That was not bad" to better reflect my opinion, but that could be read even worse.


So, let me unpack my mask of Rampant Jubilation and dance the dance of Jubilation, and shout
"OH YEAH. THAT WAS SO GOOD, I WANT TO HAVE THE NEXT CHAPTER NOW!"
*Sigh.* *Sigh.*

[/ UQM/SC2 fandom]

British English? Let me try it as well:
Oi, ya cheeky git, got a loicense for that joke?

Wait, wrong social class:
Your jubilation was duly noted, good sir.

Nor do I have access to the Ultron anymore, which would guide me in finding a peek of the forthcoming conclusion of your works.
*Sigh.* *Sigh.*

I always wondered what the Ultron actually was, but its true purpose was only revealed in SC3. Turns out, it is a device which can detect "precursor potential", and guess which race has the highest level of that? Hmm, that gives me an idea...

[Krulle]

Well, SC3 (or SCnot3) is not considered to be canon by most of the fans of UQM.
Since it was written, designed, and developed without input of FF and PR.
Although FF/PR did say he liked quite some of the ideas of SC3 (the de-unvolving of alien cow-equivalents, quite some of the races (XChaggers, Harika/Yorn, ..)), but the fights were too unbalanced (Doog were able to regenerate far too fast, making fights tremendously long exercises), and some of the story-elements were too obviously a try to move away from the IP created by FF and PR.
The SCnot3 story covered too many bases (open plot elements of previous story), and thereby destroyed some of the mysteries of SC2, which made it so well discussable and allowed imagination to fly.

I did like it, but took it as a fan's take of how the story could continue. A well written story for most parts.
But the implementation was buggy as hell.

And the Syreen became creepy with the puppet animation.

So, in summary, I don't like the "Humans yeah" trope the Ultron caused by sticking to the protagonist of SC3.
Nor how easily the Utwig refused to take it back.
And I disliked the idea of it being a seeking device.
But I liked the idea of the Red Spiral Rail being the housing, and many "inferior" races attaching the meaning of the seeking device to the housing.
Easy giveaway to the Lk....

Looking forward to the UQM2, which is now in development since Autumn 2020 by FF and PR (the original creators of SC and SC2/UQM).
https://www.reddit.com/r/uqm2/
https://www.dogarandkazon.com/blog/2021 ... this-image

[Cthulhu]

Well, SC3 (or SCnot3) is not considered to be canon by most of the fans of UQM.
Since it was written, designed, and developed without input of FF and PR.
Although FF/PR did say he liked quite some of the ideas of SC3 (the de-unvolving of alien cow-equivalents, quite some of the races (XChaggers, Harika/Yorn, ..)), but the fights were too unbalanced (Doog were able to regenerate far too fast, making fights tremendously long exercises), and some of the story-elements were too obviously a try to move away from the IP created by FF and PR.
The SCnot3 story covered too many bases (open plot elements of previous story), and thereby destroyed some of the mysteries of SC2, which made it so well discussable and allowed imagination to fly.

I did like it, but took it as a fan's take of how the story could continue. A well written story for most parts.
But the implementation was buggy as hell.

And the Syreen became creepy with the puppet animation.

I think that as a spinoff, it was nice. But the fights were indeed very unbalanced, especially after you managed to recruit the Doogs. I even got into fights on purpose in order to generate more crew for new colonies.

So, in summary, I don't like the "Humans yeah" trope the Ultron caused by sticking to the protagonist of SC3.
Nor how easily the Utwig refused to take it back.
And I disliked the idea of it being a seeking device.
But I liked the idea of the Red Spiral Rail being the housing, and many "inferior" races attaching the meaning of the seeking device to the housing.
Easy giveaway to the Lk....

Yes, the "Humanity, hell yeah!" trope is too overused, therefore I'll try to avoid it in my fanfic.

Looking forward to the UQM2, which is now in development since Autumn 2020 by FF and PR (the original creators of SC and SC2/UQM).
https://www.reddit.com/r/uqm2/
https://www.dogarandkazon.com/blog/2021 ... this-image

Let's see how it turns out.