[Fan Fiction] Notes and discussion for "A sword that wields itself"

[Krulle]

Looking forward to the UQM2, which is now in development since Autumn 2020 by FF and PR (the original creators of SC and SC2/UQM).
https://www.reddit.com/r/uqm2/
https://www.dogarandkazon.com/blog/2021 ... this-image

Let's see how it turns out.

I fear that the good memories, the fan echo chamber, and the botched SC3/SC4 (Accolade's crappy "flash" game to keep the trademark alive) and the graphically great, but otherwise repackaging a similar story for StarDock's Star Control relaunch may have risen the expectations of fans for the original creators to create something MUCH BETTER to a level wich might be unattainable....

I'm happy to see the story continued by the original creators, but would've been happy if they had announced, that they would adapt the crappy, but original engine and just create a small story game that way.
I'll be there for the story, not the fights... (which I will to have to re-practice. Oh, and I'll be there for the new costume of the Syreen....)

[Cthulhu]

I fear that the good memories, the fan echo chamber, and the botched SC3/SC4 (Accolade's crappy "flash" game to keep the trademark alive) and the graphically great, but otherwise repackaging a similar story for StarDock's Star Control relaunch may have risen the expectations of fans for the original creators to create something MUCH BETTER to a level wich might be unattainable....

I'm happy to see the story continued by the original creators, but would've been happy if they had announced, that they would adapt the crappy, but original engine and just create a small story game that way.
I'll be there for the story, not the fights... (which I will to have to re-practice. )

Well, they post videos, and so far it looks... let's say that I'm not particularly trilled. Maybe it turns out to be an interesting game. Primarily, it's all about the story and wacky, old-school sci-fi goofiness. The graphics might be secondary, but today, they are a major selling point.

(which I will to have to re-practice. )

The fights were really difficult for me, and I even bought a joystick. It didn't help much, though.

( Oh, and I'll be there for the new costume of the Syreen....)

I don't remember much of a costume

[Krulle]

you do remember the ending credits?
Where the "cast" was shown again, and presented their hopes for the future?
(And Talana's actress said, the producers want to make a sequel all about her, and that her costume would be really revealing?)

A well, I love the ending credit jokes.

SpoilerShow

In case you were wondering about me... don't worry. I'm doing fine!
In fact, I just talked with the designers and they have assured me
that the sequel will be all about me! Isn't that great!
They said they wanted to move away from the warrior mythos
and expand more into the healer cycle.
This may be my big chance!
The only thing I'm not sure about is the new costume they want me to wear.
They said this one would be REALLY revealing.

And yes, the current video releases are about the engine.no spoilering a potential story.

[Cthulhu]

you do remember the ending credits?
Where the "cast" was shown again, and presented their hopes for the future?
(And Talana's actress said, the producers want to make a sequel all about her, and that her costume would be really revealing?)

A well, I love the ending credit jokes.

SpoilerShow

In case you were wondering about me... don't worry. I'm doing fine!
In fact, I just talked with the designers and they have assured me
that the sequel will be all about me! Isn't that great!
They said they wanted to move away from the warrior mythos
and expand more into the healer cycle.
This may be my big chance!
The only thing I'm not sure about is the new costume they want me to wear.
They said this one would be REALLY revealing.

And yes, the current video releases are about the engine.no spoilering a potential story.

Oh yes, the really revealing healer clothes. That would be very healing indeed.

Maybe I should replay that again, it's been ages.

[Tamri]

Oh yes, the really revealing healer clothes. That would be very healing indeed.

Maybe I should replay that again, it's been ages.

Take the HD remaster, in the latest versions the picture already looked very good, plus you don’t have to mess with the compatibility of the program and OS.

[Cthulhu]

Oh yes, the really revealing healer clothes. That would be very healing indeed.

Maybe I should replay that again, it's been ages.

Take the HD remaster, in the latest versions the picture already looked very good, plus you don’t have to mess with the compatibility of the program and OS.

Yes, that's a good idea, especially since they don't need the CD (because I lost it).

[Krulle]

Or the "megamod" by SeroSiS, who combined the Vanilla, HD, 3DO versions into one package, with an interface to select the version, and also added other mods easily addable through his interface:
http://megamod.serosis.net/Home

[Bamax]

Alright... I will be honest with you... it may hurt as much as I don't want to do that.

Things I like in the story: The plot is intriguing at times. And virtually all the side characters have distinguishing personalities that make them interesting.

Things I Don't Like: Whenever the plot seems to plod along, like spinning car wheels in the mud without actually changing anything in the plot.

For example, the first 4 chapters were fairly easy to read through, since it was action packed and had a bit of suspense and intrigue too (did not predict everyone dying like they did).

After that it felt like a long lull and then when Stillstorm came along it made me get excited again.

Why? Stories are about conflict or change. If neither is happening, then it gets boring fast for me, even if stuff is only changing slowly. It is like we have a camera following Emberwing wherever she goes and mentioning that she bathes, puts, on clothes etcetera. I would be amused and may even slightly enjoy it if you mention offhand that she had to use the bidet or toilet offhand, given the other minutia that is mentioned as often.

Last but not least, Emberwing seems... bland compared to other characters.

Add to that is the fact that visual descriptions of characters are far and in between. And let's be honest, the visuals of character interactions are a big part of why we read Outsider.

Sure a reader can imagine and fill in the blanks a fair bit, but when you have such a diverse cast as yours there is no way a reader is going to know how several of them look... beyond the official comic cast.

Emberwing above all I think suffers for this, since there is no describing how she looks at all and she is the main character.


That is all for now.

[Cthulhu]

Alright... I will be honest with you... it may hurt as much as I don't want to do that.

Well, this was meant to be an exercise, so you can be as honest as you'd like. Don't worry, I'm not a "special snowflake", this won't hurt me in any way. In fact, I would appreciate even more feedback.

Things I like in the story: The plot is intriguing at times. And virtually all the side characters have distinguishing personalities that make them interesting.

Thanks, I'll try and make it more interesting in the next chapters. The characters will also have more opportunities to develop.

Things I Don't Like: Whenever the plot seems to plod along, like spinning car wheels in the mud without actually changing anything in the plot.

For example, the first 4 chapters were fairly easy to read through, since it was action packed and had a bit of intrigue too.

After that it felt like a long lull and then when Stillstorm came along it made me get excited again.

Yes, I can see what you mean. The necessary plot development was a bit boring at times, I'm not yet good enough to shorten it up without losing essential information. This simply needs more practice. Sometimes, I think that leaving too many gaps in the story will hurt it more than skipping over the less important facts. Perhaps I've overdone it a few times.

Why? Stories are about conflict or change. If neither is happening, then it gets boring fast for me, even if stuff is only changing slowly. It is like we have a camera following Emberwing wherever she goes and mentioning that she bathes, puts, on clothes etcetera. I would be amused and may even slightly enjoy it if you mention offhand that she had to use the bidet or toilet offhand, given the other minutia that is mentioned as often.

Okay, I guess that such parts can be shortened up.

Last but not least, Emberwing seems... bland compared to other characters.

She'll have her big moment soon enough, but what do you think about that childhood flashback in the most recent chapter?

Add to that is the fact that visual descriptions of characters are far and in between. And let's be honest, the visuals of character interactions are a big part of why we read Outsider.

If more visuals is what you want, then more visuals you shall get. The story is going to have some unexpected plot twists, as well as a few cameos, soon enough.

[Bamax]

Alright... I will be honest with you... it may hurt as much as I don't want to do that.

Well, this was meant to be an exercise, so you can be as honest as you'd like. Don't worry, I'm not a "special snowflake", this won't hurt me in any way. In fact, I would appreciate even more feedback.

Things I like in the story: The plot is intriguing at times. And virtually all the side characters have distinguishing personalities that make them interesting.

Thanks, I'll try and make it more interesting in the next chapters. The characters will also have more opportunities to develop.

Things I Don't Like: Whenever the plot seems to plod along, like spinning car wheels in the mud without actually changing anything in the plot.

For example, the first 4 chapters were fairly easy to read through, since it was action packed and had a bit of intrigue too.

After that it felt like a long lull and then when Stillstorm came along it made me get excited again.

Yes, I can see what you mean. The necessary plot development was a bit boring at times, I'm not yet good enough to shorten it up without losing essential information. This simply needs more practice. Sometimes, I think that leaving too many gaps in the story will hurt it more than skipping over the less important facts. Perhaps I've overdone it a few times.

Why? Stories are about conflict or change. If neither is happening, then it gets boring fast for me, even if stuff is only changing slowly. It is like we have a camera following Emberwing wherever she goes and mentioning that she bathes, puts, on clothes etcetera. I would be amused and may even slightly enjoy it if you mention offhand that she had to use the bidet or toilet offhand, given the other minutia that is mentioned as often.

Okay, I guess that such parts can be shortened up.

Last but not least, Emberwing seems... bland compared to other characters.

She'll have her big moment soon enough, but what do you think about that childhood flashback in the most recent chapter?

Add to that is the fact that visual descriptions of characters are far and in between. And let's be honest, the visuals of character interactions are a big part of why we read Outsider.

If more visuals is what you want, then more visuals you shall get. The story is going to have some unexpected plot twists, as well as a few cameos, soon enough.

We know what color hair Beryl has because of the comic. We also know Beryl is petite, but Fireblade is tall and imposing. And Stillstorm.... though she played a small part you actually described well enough. We know know Talon is blue skinned with 'dirty blue hair' (she has blue with light blue mixed in like highlights).

The characters that need describing are the reoccurring nonofficial fanfic ones you created.... like Emberwing for example. Is she buff, or petite and small like Beryl? It appears she has longer hair and not the short pixie hair that Spiral and Talon sport from the sparse description given.

I don't even remember if Emberwing is blue or gray... I know Tempo is so pale she looks snow white skinned.

All those colors are there available to use, but you at the same time will have to manage the descriptions so as not to go overboard with them.

[Bamax]

Flashback? Which one?

I don't recall it, if you are referring to her brief recall of wanting to be a Listel, that was more telling than showing.

And I reckon you know exactly what that is.

To tell the reader that Batman is tough as nails and smart too is not truly convincing, but to show him in the ACT of doing something that requires physical strength or endurance while also using his wits to maximum effect will show without fail that the character is tough and smart.

I read the abridged Sherlock Holmes once, and the story begins with Watson describing Holmes and what he had heard about him, and sure enough Holmes actions in person live up to what otherd have said about him and even go beyond that (since Watson ends up beig his roommate so he knows Holmes better than most).

Holmes was a talented but flawed character, eccentric to be sure, and somewhat of a drug addict too. Watson was kind of his guardian angel at times (his Alfred while Holmes was like Batman).

Showing is not always necessary, only on the parts of the story that are necessary (both entertaining and what the reader would like to know anyway).

So there you are... ready to go and explore strange new worlds of storytelling... to go where cthulhu has never gone before.

[Bamax]

Edit: Tempo is actually gray. She is just SUPER PALE gray.

Which is why she may be confused for literally looking like the color of snow.

[Cthulhu]

The characters that need describing are the reoccurring nonofficial fanfic ones you created.... like Emberwing for example. Is she buff, or petite and small like Beryl? It appears she has longer hair and not the short pixie hair that Spiral and Talon sport from the sparse description given.

All fanfics are unofficial, that's what fanfic means.
But yes, I'll keep that in mind.

Flashback? Which one?

I don't recall it, if you are referring to her brief recall of wanting to be a Listel, that was more telling than showing.

I was referring to the dream sequence of the most recent chapter.

You see, this exercise was also meant to reveal my strengths and weaknesses regarding storytelling. It seems like I need to pay more attention to the visuals, while making sure not to overburden the readers with overly lengthy and detailed trivialities.

[Bamax]

Actually.... why not take up a challenge?

It is not wrong per se to have a scene with Emberwing showering, but it must BE a scene. Like in a movie.

I am not saying you need to pull a Dave Barrack, but a shower scene could go a long way toward showing how Emberwing actually looks.

No you need not be... graphic... but there are wats of showing things without doing it the Dave Barrack way.

Alternately, you could have Emberwing in the shower or eating something when she has an epiphany that soarks her down a path in the plot.
It could be something innocous, like she slips and falls out the shower, or chokes on her food, and then is upset and runs into one of the official characters he gives a new POV that will help in the future.

I guess my point is... I dare you!

I double-dog dare you to write a seemingly innocuous scene (shower or eating) where SOMETHING DOES happen.

Why not turn a weakness into a strength?

Case in point, Quentin Tarentino is well known for seemingly innocous scenes either show character or develop it... when in reality the scene would be pointless otherwise.



As long as the innocous scene keeps the plot moving or has to do with plot... and shows enough character to be entertaining... it's OK.

You are probably well aware of Samuel L Jackson's later rant after mentioning the metric system later to an unfortunate victim of his. And it all started with the earlier conversation.

[Cthulhu]

I dare you!

Wha- what?

I double-dog dare you

What?

Samuel L Jackson's rant

Okay, okay!

But first, I'll have to call her agent and discuss that. Especially the cost, and most probably, it is going to be very expensive. Sigh, there goes the budget, I'll guess that I can free up some by killing off a few insignificant characters. Or should I cut down on the battle scenes? The CGI is hella expensive, too.

Anyway, I'll see what I can do.

[Bamax]

Haha.


Well.... it's as I said, you can turn you weaknesses into strengths.

How many times did fans of TOS and DS9 and Babylon 5 enjoy the show simply because certain characters are excellent at chewing the scenery?

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/ ... TheScenery

One of the greatest villains I have ever seen to chew scenery (and quite intelligent too) was this guy.




He nearly figured out that the Oracle was setting him up to fail. But he was at least wise enough to suspect she had a purpose that she was not divulging to him (which is why she changed the subject when he started asking as she did not want to scare him off.

[Cthulhu]

Hmm, first the idea about

SpoilerShow

a camera following her around.

Now, Hugo Weaving and his excellent performance that is worthy of a cameo. You just keep the interesting plot twists coming. But what does that even mean? Well, I won't spoil it just yet.

[Bamax]

Latest Chapter:

This is a perfect example of what I do not like so far. It does not seem to progress the plot and did not tell us anything wr did not already know, only thing it did was have the Umiak commander decide to ignore the human ship that perked his interest earlier.

The first chapter featuring the Umiak commander was better written and an entertaining read. We learned a bit about him, but the latest chapter seems like a rehash but not as good since we learn nothing new about the commander.

The plot is fairly straightforward. So unless your characters are awesome, your story will make some lose interest.



Filler is not good I say. Better to wait to make it entertaining or to let us learn more about the characters involved.

[Bamax]

And I do apologize if I may sound harsh.... but you did say that you welcomed crticism so....

[Bamax]

The enemy is far from faceless. They are not the borg. They have personalites.

If you made up just even one or two Umiak characters to converse back and forth with the commander it would go a long way to improving reader interest in the chapter.

After all that is the main reason your Loroi hd any interest. Personality.

The Umiak are bound to have individual personalities, just dominated by their version of cultural norms.


And the fact that they have exoskeletons unlike mozt other known races.

I am sure the Umiak know they look like insects too. May even resent being called that.